Feeling Lost in Sobriety

[u/Plus-Airport6250]

So I , a 34 year old “young man” have just recently spent 10 days in a detox and am now on my 20th day alcohol free.
I started drinking heavily at around 18 after my mother’s suicide, and started trying to quit around 29-30. I’ve been to rehab twice and had a great experience, learned loads and stayed sober for 10 months before relapsing.

It hasn’t been a straight line, much like my mountain tattoos, my rehab, relapse, recovery process has been a naturally jagged line full of peaks and valleys.

I live in a relatively remote resort town in southern Alberta (no stores, no medical, just “hotels” ) which can be particularly challenging when you don’t have a car. I work in manny aspects of hospitality ; line cook, front desk agent, housekeeping etc with varying degrees of professional and/or financial satisfaction.

I am very proud of my self for my most recent sobriety. it hasn’t been easy and I know how hard it is going to be, But I am still youngish, and with a recently clear head, and the realization of my potential, I find myself having trouble figuring out who/what I am , who I want to be.

I’ve pretty much just been a “high functioning” alcoholic kitchen guy since high school, I honestly don’t know anything else.

I guess I am just looking for some advice, guidance, maybe I just needed to vent to some strangers .🤓

Either way, thanks for reading and please feel free to leave any thoughts, feelings, or advice .
I am just going to try to stay sober and stay positive.

[u/sumizeit]

20 days after losing something that's basically run your whole adult life, of course you don't know who you are yet. That's not a problem to solve right now, that's just what early sobriety feels like. You don't have to figure out your whole identity this month, just the next sober day. The "who am I" question usually starts answering itself once you've got some real time and a clear head for longer than a few weeks. Working in a remote town without a car sounds brutal for isolation though, if there's any kind of phone/video based support (even just a sponsor or counselor from your last rehab) that might matter more than finding purpose right now.

[u/Plus-Airport6250 → u/sumizeit]

Thank you 🙏 I have been using the AA zoom meetings they help a little though I prefer the in person 🤓 20 days today! 💪

[u/slfnflctd]

Balance these two things: don't pity yourself, but don't hate yourself.

Going through a little difficulty for positive reasons is good for you, it's a habit to reinforce which will benefit you all your life. That's the not pitying yourself part.

Drowning in misery, on the other hand, is at best neutral-- but in the long run it is truly harmful. So seek help if you need it. There is a wide range of medication, nutrition, therapy and physical movement approaches for everything from immediate relief of acute issues to stuff that may help you 'level up' for the big picture. A lot more suffering is optional than many think.

This may not apply, but it can also help finding a book (or better, series or author) you enjoy reading. Almost always helped me through tough spots.

[u/inex001]

I'm proud of you brother. Take it from me, a 36 year old that is 1,264 days sober, that was a functional alcoholic from 18 to 33, it's not easy to quit drinking, but it's the best decision you'll ever make for yourself. It took me 2 years of ups and downs of trying to quit before I finally hit rock bottom, before I had finally had enough. You see, I had also been to rehab, gone to AA meetings, had friends and family sit me down begging me to stop, but the only person who could end the cycle was me. And until I realized that, nothing else worked. Once I did though, I was able to take full accountability for my life, that this was my story and that I was proud of it. Proud of all of the fuck ups and missed potential, and proud of every single hour that I chose not to pick up the bottle. Because once you choose that path, you're finally free. The bottle no longer controls you, and that right there is what sobriety all about.

Are you active? Do you enjoy the outdoors? I highly recommend getting into fitness or something you can do that's healthy for you and also difficult at the same time. My saving grace was working out and running in particular. Any time I would have a craving I would go for a run. I would run so hard that it hurt, so that my brain would be flooded with endorphins enough for it to forget about the cravings. After some time, you'll build a new habit of running, and start to even enjoy it, and this might even give you the motivation to try other new activities you've either haven't done in years or never tried before. See, the most difficult part of staying sober is replacing all that time you used to spend drinking with something. It can literally be anything as long as it's good for you and doesn't remind you of your drinking days. If you don't, then boredom creeps in quick, and the temptation to drink because there's nothing else to do or nothing else to live for grows stronger.

Those are my quick tips for what worked for me, but it's different for everyone. Bottom line is you're on the brink of the best chapter of your life, you simply have to take full ownership of that fact and be insanely intentional about making it happen and creating a life that you love because it's full of things you love to do and people you love to be around.