Need help for character

[u/lraabo]

Hi guys

So I need help writing the bio for this character it’s for an indie video game so it doesn’t have to be like breaking bad level writing.

I wanted her story to go like the first section is about her, Jumeau, and i want her life story to be told from the lens of a doll.

So the only breaks the dolls got is supposed to be like your lunch break and your couple of hours when you get home from work the buyers being done with the dolls is when your work doesn’t match what they want anymore so they fire you or force you to quit, and the people paying for them leaving them to become dust is supposed to be like Jumeau starving,

then the third section i want it conveyed that Jumeau died of something it doesn’t matter what but died due to losing her job at the doll factory and in the after life makes a deal with the devil to become a controller of people the way she was controlled. I want the deal to be implied because all of my characters make implied deals.

Please let me know what you think and how I could improve it I feel like i’m missing a way of conveying to the reader that the dolls life is actually her life.

*(Bio Begins Here)*

Jumeau was a master of making dolls feel alive because she poured every ounce of love she had into them, and because of that the company she worked at garnered a loyal audience.

But as alive as she made her dolls feel they were never truly alive, controlled by strings of the people who paid for the dolls. The only break the dolls got were when the buyers felt like it not when the dolls wanted it. Once the buyers were truly done with the dolls then the dolls would get tossed to the trash and with that their purpose goes with it and way of living does to. Their choice was between having strings attached with a purpose or cutting the strings. They chose having their strings attached but the people who once paid for there presence left them to become dust once they decided that they weren’t good enough anymore.

Jumeau realized that what she thought was a choice didn’t have to be and that her and her fellow dolls could be the ones in control, and they did, controlling the exact people who tried to control them.

*(End of bio)*

Unneeded information but her kit reflects her being a controller of people.

[u/BigToody6515]

Dang she really put all her eggs in one basket. Couldn’t her skills transfer to doing other jobs? What if she played around with gears and attempt to make automata like Jaquet-Droz. Clockwork mechanism is a technological step up from string puppets. The reason i say this is cuz I’m assuming she died of starvation.

She kinda reminds me of the girl from Puppet Princess (2000). In that movie, she is this badass puppet master controlling giant warrior puppets with her fingers and toes. You should watch it.

I don’t really have any advice to give you tho. Idk, maybe have the doll call Jumeau “mommy” and stuff. And maybe the doll has siblings and they say “we’re so tired. But mommy is working hard for us, so we need to try our best to keep her happy”. And then this doll has intimate knowledge observing Jumeau’s private life and they actually talk to each other. And the doll actually moves around Toy Story style doing stuff, really selling the idea this is our protagonist and then the later reveal is like “woah, it was actually Jumeau?”. But tbh I don’t know how to achieve what you’re going for. It’s interesting tho. I would enjoy that twist

It could be like Sucker Punch (2011) where the stuff the protagonist actually does irl is never revealed. We only see the fantastical stuff from her imagination. And then by the end we see that none of that stuff was actually real, but also at the same time the stuff she did was real. I don’t want to spoil it. You should watch that movie too. I think this is exactly the effect you’re trying to achieve

Think something like the reality of her life is too much to depict straight up. It needs to be reinterpreted through the lens of a doll and the dolls reality. Like fantasy book style. Like a character telling a story about themselves with allegory

[u/lraabo → u/BigToody6515]

Ooh having the doll calling jumeau mommy isn’t a bad idea. I will be checking out those movies, thanks!