We’ve been talking for a couple of days. He seems alright, doesn’t live far from me and we’ve agreed to meet, but he is genuinely a man of very few words.

Most of his replies are basically “yes”, “cool”, “sure x” etc. I even asked if he’s more chatty in person and he just replied “yes” 😭

I’m not expecting essays or constant texting, but I do neeed SOME back and fourth to build a bit of interest before meeting someone.

Would you still go ahead with the date and see if he’s completely different in person, or would this level of dry texting already put you off?

Matched with a woman on Bumble and things initially seemed to be going well. She told me she’s not much of a texter, so I suggested meeting for coffee and she agreed.

I suggested Thursday, she agreed. I suggested 6:30pm.

“Perfect 😊 let’s say 6:30 Thursday. Since it’s your area, do you have somewhere you like or shall I find us a spot?”

She responded

“Have you never planned a date before? 😂 Would you like me to plan it instead?”

I was a bit surprised because I’d already asked her out, suggested the day and suggested the time and literally said “or shall I find us a spot?”

I replied

“😂 I was only asking because you know the area better than me, but don’t worry, I’ve got it. 6:30pm Thursday 😉”

She then explained that if she was recommending places she’d just be looking online anyway, so I could do that myself. Fair enough I guess. I told her I’d sort something and send her the details.

A few hours later, around 2am, she messaged again saying:

“Nah 😂 you already tried to remove the effort part by asking me for recommendations. Turned me off a little tbh 🤭 You were doing so well too, why did you have to go and ruin it like that 😉😆”

The next day I decided to play along rather than argue and replied:

“😂 Ruined it already? Bit dramatic. I guess I’ll have to see if I can redeem myself 😏”

She then unmatched me.

I only asked because she lives in the area and might have a favourite place.

So I’m genuinely curious did my question come across as me trying to make her plan the date/being low effort, or was her reaction excessive?

I’m interested in both men’s and women’s perspectives.

I get that women receive thousands of likes and have a hard time filtering, am I not being empathetic enough if I find this first message slightly rude?

I(36F) am thinking about getting back on the apps, with sample picture shown (taken a month ago). The thing is, I have a disability that isn't visible through pictures. I have trigeminal neuralgia, and basically half my face can't be touched. I can't drive. I can have sex but there are limitations.

I can go out to restaurants, dancing (not too long though), mild hiking, things like that.

I don't want to catfish anyone through my profile. Should I put my disability on my profile or just tell the person after we match?

Hear me out: it has nothing to do with cost at all! I 35 (F) have been on and off the dating apps since my divorce at the beginning of 2025 after a very long marriage. I’m mostly on Bumble but have a few others as well. One of the prompts I have selected is “what’s your ideal first date?” And normally I will respond to this same prompt with a walk or fitness related activity. Because I am very athletic myself and don’t mind getting outside to move my body will getting to know someone.

Yesterday I realized something. Since I’ve been on the dating apps, I’ve gone on 21 first dates. Out of those 21 first dates, 2 of them have progressed into something more (one 4 month relationship and one several week situationship) Anyway, out of those 21 first dates, a lot of them were very low fuss, easy coffee dates or walk in the park dates. The 2 that turned into something more; there was no walk in the park. One suggested we immediately head out to eat for dinner (his idea! I was fine with going for a walk) and the other we did drinks for the first meet up then a very strenuous hike for the 2nd date.

I think back to all my walks and coffee shop dates and can’t help but feel maybe those environments didn’t necessarily help set the tone and energy off right. It almost becomes platonic right away. Like I go out to coffee and take walks with colleagues so maybe it sets a friend zone tone right away?

Anyway, I feel uncomfortable with an extravagant first date since we don’t know each other but I also think I’m going to stop agreeing to walks for the first date because it doesn’t set things off on the right foot. What does everyone else do for a first date that doesn’t cost a fortune but doesn’t overcommit in case you need to bail?

Edit: since this post has blown up, I just want to clarify: the first date isn’t transactional... it’s simply two people figuring out if they want to see each other again? And maybe that’s what’s wrong with modern dating. If you’re showing up to dates with a prescribed outcome, you are going to leave disappointed. Because nobody can guarantee what will happen between two people. I’ve genuinely enjoyed all of my experience dating so far and don’t feel jaded when things don’t work out for whatever reason.

Gents.. have you ever started planning a casual coffee date and had the woman try to change it to a dinner date at an expensive restaurant?

While this is rare, it has happened to me a few times. I always refused and quickly got ghosted or unmatched lol.

Thank God I've been with women who were just naturally into me before and thought I was hot. And those women didn't care if we just walked around in a park or "hung out". Time together was what mattered.

Just putting it out there. Never let someone raise the price on you. They are doing that because they don't actually like you 💯

EDIT: If you need the "situation" to make the date fun.. you are with the wrong person. There's just no getting around it people 😄

For context: We matched on Bumble yesterday. He’s 31, verified and lives in my city. He was good looking and has a nice profile so I swiped on him and we were a match. Then he texted first, replying to my opener. He looked so normal so I was flirty at first.

But then, when he asked about my plans, I casually mentioned I’d be going to a nearby city for my friend’s birthday and said I’d be taking the train. I didn’t tell him when or anything. Honestly, I didn’t even think much of it.

But today… he told me he showed up at the central station waiting for me. And I know he wasn’t kidding because he described exactly what I was wearing. Keep in mind, we only matched yesterday.

He said he “saw me off and back” at the station. I highly doubt he just hung around there the whole day. Now I can’t shake the feeling he actually followed me, maybe even all the way to my friend’s place and back. And I’m honestly scared he might know where I live now.

I didn't respond. I run here to ask for advice. Should I be worried?

I’ve crossed out both our names on the screenshot to follow the rules of this subreddit, this is the entire conversation.

i’m a 35 year old guy and i’ve noticed that on almost every first date, one of the first questions i get asked is whether i like to travel. for the record, i do. i’ve lived abroad, have a passport, tsa precheck, and enough travel points to take plenty of trips. this isn’t coming from someone who never leaves home. what i don’t understand is why travel seems to be treated as one of the most important indicators of compatibility. my goal is to build a long term relationship. that takes time. research suggests it takes around 200 hours together for acquaintances to become close friends. if someone is taking solo trips every few weeks or spending months traveling each year, when are they actually investing in building a relationship where they live? also, i believe social media has amplified this. before instagram, i don’t remember travel being treated as such a central part of someone’s identity. today it often feels like “i love to travel” is expected to be a personality trait. i’m not criticizing people who enjoy traveling. i enjoy it too. i just don’t understand why it’s become such a major filter in dating, especially if the goal is eventually finding a partner to build a life with. for the women here, what are you trying to learn when you ask a man if he likes to travel? do you actually believe any desirable man would want to date you if you spent 2-3 months a year traveling without him? and for the men, have you noticed the same thing?

A guy asked me out on a nice first date for this evening to my favorite restaurant and I agreed but then just texted me saying he ended up eating a super big lunch and probably won't be hungry and suggested we just get a quick sweet treat or coffee instead.

I was really looking forward to a nice sit down meal and getting to know him, regardless of who would be paying, but now it feels a little rude?

I'm new to dating and am i overreacting or can i be a little turned off?

Hey, guys! My first post ever on reddit. This one was really impresive to me and I feel like I have to share it with more people because I can't see how I am in the wrong here.

So, first date with this swedish girl in Lisbon, I am a local. She said she didnt match with me, it was a friend of hers, but she was interested anyway in going for a date. She was really attractive physically. She talked quite a lot and most of the times in a not so humble tone bragging about how she met and slept with football players and bla bla. Quite annoying for a first date. But she was also talking about other random stuff which made it last around 5/6h.

We decided to go to a place to have some drinks, we met there, we drank quite a lot for some hours and we talked a lot. It was fine. Then we decided to go to another place, so I went inside the first place to use the bathroom and I paid for the total bill, It was only 40€ so I didn't mind or even considered sharing the bill, so I paid. When I got outside she was like: "ohhh, omg, you paid for everything? Okay, I'll get the next drink" and I said fine. So we went to this other place and then it started to get weird. She told me that I was not what she was expecting, that I was defensive during the first hours (which I can understand because Im not a person that opens up a lot in the first time I meet someone), but still she was interested because she said she would like to meet me in another context, maybe without drinks, so basically on a second date. Then she just kept talking about dating and knowing people with money, boring, and just was already giving me vibes of "not very smart, very material". We had some more drinks here and at some point I got an uber to go home and she said she would stay there a bit longer and have another glass of wine and that she would get this bill as she said.

Well, when I arrived home I got this text from her saying that the bill was more than she expected? And that "my bill" was too much? I mean I paid for the entire bill of the first place and then I only drink beer, so my expense here was like 13€ against 17€ from her.

I dont even get what she is complaing about, she blocked me everywhere. I am not surprised, because her whole attitude was a bit bitchy. But, am I in the wrong or is she delusional? Thanks!

I see a lot of guys saying they are having trouble with finding people on dating apps. So I wanted to offer a friendly suggestion.

Over the years, I have volunteered, taken continuing education classes, joined random interest groups, etc. You know who were overwhelmingly represented there? Women!

Obviously don’t do these things just to meet women, but do them because they are good for the world, good for your self improvement, and will possibly help build your self confidence when interacting with new people. And maybe you might form a connection. If it isn’t your thing, then that’s fine, but that’s where women are.

UPDATE - this went about as well as I expected. It seems like some of you are just determined to be alone. If you don’t like my suggestion, don’t do it.

I have just joined this app and in the spirit of being completely transparent have labeled myself “liberal”. While I do not believe this encompasses the entirety of who I am, it reflects enough to give the sense of my values. I have been receiving about 80% of my likes from conservative Christian men.

My question is: What is it you would seek in a liberal woman? Perhaps my bias, but I would believe my dedication to career and causes to be antithetical to “traditional” values.

Is it the bio? (Leans nerdy). Probably location as well.

No judgement- just a query as to what would be the impetus of a swipe?

EDIT: Thank you for all the responses, particularly those that thoughtfully answered. They have been elucidating, albeit somewhat depressing.

Interesting discussion. Definitely learned some things. A final point from my perspective: I see I was using the app with a different intention than a lot of people, which was to meet a potential partner. I completely agree it is healthy to have conversations with people of different ideologies, and I welcome opinions and perspectives outside my worldview. For me, "liberal" was more of a shorthand for my values than my politics, though I can see why it reads as strictly political. In a partner, however, shared values are important and, respectfully, I wouldn't make a good partner to someone who holds "traditional" beliefs.

On a positive note, I've had some good conversations in the last day and met some nice folks.

Idk it feels like theyre talking down on me. As if theyre validating me for what i didnt ask for. Are these just compliments or would you feel weird too? Especially "proud of you", like sir i dont know you

Edit: thanks for all the "ew"s in the comments. It feels very validating to know my negative feelings about it make sense

Not sure if this is a backhanded message.

1. You don’t need to “hit the gym” ➡️ The main attractor is proper hygiene and self-care

2. You don’t need to be rich ➡️ Just have your shit in order; being financially stable is cool (or having a plan to become so)

3. You don’t need to pay for every date ➡️ Expressing enthusiasm and taking the iniative to plan for dates is much more important

4. You don’t need to be creative ➡️ But lack of creativity does not excuse a lack of effort; ask the internet and your friends for ideas

5. You don’t need the perfect bio ➡️ Simply express the things you like to do, what you’re proud of and what you hope for in life

6. You don’t need to accept poor communication skills ➡️ If someone doesn’t put in equal amount of effort, they’re not your match

7. You don’t need to pay for dating apps ➡️ But you do need to play to win; use multiple dating apps and be prepared to fail a thousand times

8. You don’t need to doubt yourself because you haven’t found your match ➡️ There are a ton of factors that determine whether someone is right for you; it’s frustrating but not a reflection on who you are - keep looking

9. You don’t need to hide your sexuality ➡️ Just make sure she knows that connection and her safety come first

10. You don’t need to be perfect ➡️ If you help her unwind and love herself, you’re already perfect in her eyes

Two nights ago, I went out with a guy I met on Bumble, and at first everything was normal. He was a bit quiet and said he's an introvert, but that's fine by me. I can be introverted as well. We chatted about our jobs, hobbies, and recent events--the usual. Then we got on the topic of family.

He told me his parents "let him date" (he's 29 years old), but they'll only let him marry a girl who's also his religion. This was eyebrow raising for me, because his profile didn't even mention religion, and I'm not shy about being an atheist. I definitely mentioned it at some point. I asked, "Are you, like, defying them right now?" And he said, "No, I'm gonna respect their wishes." I asked, "Then why am I here?" And he literally answered, "I don't know."

Apparently, he hasn't dated much, and he downloaded the apps to "practice talking to girls." He went on to say, "I've been trying to be less introverted, and going on dates is good for me. It's healthy to get out of the house." To which I replied, "Dude, go play some fucking pickleball then. Join a bookclub. My profile clearly states I'm looking for long-term. When you asked what brought me to Bumble, I said I want something serious. And yet, you asked me out, knowing that even if this date went well, it would lead to nothing. Getting people's hopes up and wasting their time so you can go on some personal-growth journey is not okay. How would you feel if I just wanted a free dinner?"

He got visibly angry, told me I'd destroyed his confidence, and that it was going to be a long time before he went on another date. I said, "Good. Don't do this to another girl. Say you're looking for casual if you're looking for casual. It's not that hard."

And that was the end of the "date." I wish more people would be honest, but I think they know they're not going to get as many matches if they tell the truth.

Went on a date with a guy a couple of nights ago and while I thought it was really great and we got along well (he has been very consistent with messaging every since and asked me out again) he started talking about Musk towards the end of the date but we were cut off because the place was closing.

We actually started talking about mental health and past trauma and I mentioned how I have done a few years of therapy to deal. He said something like “well with Elon Musk and neurolink, we’ll soon be able to go into the brain and delete certain memories.” It felt like such a big statement with a whole set of beliefs behind it I didn’t even know how to respond. He went on about how the brain is basically a computer and because of people like Musk, we’ll be able to “program” ourselves any way we want. Again, I just kinda listened and told him therapy has been very helpful for me but he doesn’t seem to be behind it. To each their own on that I guess.

I read glitch in the matrix stories, I think the “world is a simulation” ideas to be interesting, but I don’t actually think we should be messing with the brain the way Musk wants to. But the bigger point here is he seemed really excited talking about Musk and seemed to think highly of him. Sure he can be considered a “visionary” of sorts, but he’s also a huge egotistical asshole and I kinda question anyone who is a fan of his.

Am I reading too much into this one thing? Other than that, I do really like this person and we get along well. Should I just keep my ears and eyes open or be more concerned?

I (male) recently had matched with a woman on Bumble who I didn't like based on her looks but more the interests and general vibe of the profile.

Based on the profile I thought "ok maybe a bit towards the chubby side but totally fine".

Chatting-Phase was nice and we agreed to meet in person.

When she showed up I didn't really know how to react because she was very overweight.

Which is fine and all, but just not my thing.

So when she showed up I told myself "don't be so superficial, it might go well".

The date was so so, but I'm really struggling to have an opinion on how I should have reacted.

Part of me wonders if I had directly been like "hey I don't want to seem rude, I'm a little bit overwhelmed by how different you look compared to your profile, I don't think that's a good basis for continuing with the date"?

Basically on the one hand I don't want to be rude and superficial but on the other hand I feel tricked/lied to and don't wanna let that go unchallenged?

What is the right way to deal with that?

EDIT after reading most comments:

Interesting how this seems to split opinions.
There does not seem to be a good way of dealing with this, but I think if it happens again I will go the route of being polite again but communicate something like "part of why I'm not interested in another date is that I feel a bit mislead with how you presented yourself on your profile"

Someone (otherwise seemingly normal) texted me this on a dating app. Is it weird only to me or am I missing the humor ?

Edit 1 - thanks to everyone that commented.
Blocking him now.

Edit 2 - to those that support the block, thank you.
To those that argue this is supposed to be funny, I think our (mine and the dude) sense of humor is not compatible, so still block :) thank you !

​

I went on a date with a girl I really liked, and I thought the date went really well. We had a nice time, talked, and even hugged at the end. I told her I’d like to see her again.

After the date, I sent her a simple message asking if she got home safely and said that I enjoyed meeting her and would be interested in a second date.

It’s now been 48 hours with no response.

I understand that people can be busy, and I’m not expecting someone to reply immediately. But after two days, it’s hard not to feel like I’m being ghosted.

And honestly, if she’s not interested, that’s completely okay. She could simply say, “I had a nice time, but I don’t think I’m interested in a second date.” I might be disappointed, but I would respect the honesty.

What I don’t understand is why people disappear instead of communicating. You don’t owe someone a second date, but I think you owe them basic respect and honesty after spending time together.

People have feelings. If you’re not interested, just say it. Please don’t leave someone wondering what they did wrong.

Note: I do accept “no” and I have absolutely no problem with rejection. The point of my post is about communication. If I match with someone else, how am I supposed to know whether I should consider the previous situation closed and move on when there’s no response? A simple “I’m not interested” is enough. I respect rejection; I just don’t think ghosting is respectful.