I feel like I'm so ugly I don't deserve anything at this point it's not even BDD

Like someone else said here, no wonder i struggled to date, find friends despite being extroverted, i feel like an outsider

I do have a few great friends but i found them with difficulty

I cut sometimes but I feel like doing something even more drastic

last night i spent hours feeling on the verge of breaking down and just distracting myself with anything to try stop it and i had the urge to smash the plates i was washing and the only thing that stopped me was that my family was at home

I felt like sneaking out at night and trying to get kidnapped or hurt and that's how much i hate myself

And i cried in the park for hours

Because i saw pictures of myself with friends. i never take pictures of myself. I genuinely looked subhuman and all the flaws i saw in the mirror showed up tenfold in the pictures. i don't even look nice in the mirror either so that was the nail in the coffin. my face is so big, nose is so big, it dominates my face. my eyes are too close together and ugly shaped. and my lips are paper thin and the colour of boiled pork. and my whole face is asymmetric and crooked.

why did my parents make me like this? my mom is beautiful, my dad is average, and i got all their ugliest features

Today, this morning, i feel like shit

And I'm supposed to get therapy but these guys keep messing up and can't handle my case properly so I've been waiting when i was supposed to start months ago

I don't even see how I'm going to be able to live happily or find love and why should i even expect that when I'm just an ugly b who should just go die

I’ve fallen sooo behind in uni like I haven’t looked at/started the content since the year started😭😭 I’ve been struggling so bad mentally with (not diagnoses) I think to be BDD and depression and it’s really been hard for me to even have the confidence to go onto campus and it’s really affected me. I know it sounds silly but I really did want to do well this year (second year doing economics) and get a first class grade and I’m terrified I’ve fucked it up for myself. Is there any way I can come back from this? I really don’t want to let my BDD take yet another thing from me.
Any advice would be amazing.

I haven’t been diagnosed but I’m 99% sure I have BDD but regardless, my face and body have ruined my life I feel. They’ve ruined what my personality could have been and what I want to be like. They make me so upset and stressed that it takes time away from things I should be doing like university and my goal of getting a first class degree. But every single aspect is disgusting to me. My face, my body, my hair, my skin… I didn’t get a single win 😭😭😭I know I should be grateful that I’ve got working parts but I honestly wish I wasn’t here at all. The pain and anxiety of going outside and feeling like the ugliest monster is too much for me and has taken too much from me already. I can’t be a normal girl, take pictures have fun have friends have a life all because of the way I look. It’s ruined absolutely every aspect of my life and I’m just hoping God will put me out of my misery asap. My parents want me to be like other girls and slim and dress nice and so do I but I feel like a pig and I can’t and nothing flatters me, I have no money, and I feel bad I couldn’t be the daughter they wanted
I’m very hopeless about my future and I’m just venting idk what to do I’m overwhelmed

I was really proud of bedazzling my cos to me all by myself today and then I put on and I’m just so ashamed. I look so fat and bloated. I don’t know what to do. Im literally about force myself to run for an hour for the next 4 days. I need to at least lessen the bloating.

I hate feeling this way. If I was thin I could be confident. I’m mad with myself. This disorder doesn’t help the thoughts. I genuinely feeling like a monster.

I haven’t been diagnosed but I’m 99% sure I have BDD but regardless, my face and body have ruined my life I feel. They’ve ruined what my personality could have been and what I want to be like. They make me so upset and stressed that it takes time away from things I should be doing like university and my goal of getting a first class degree. But every single aspect is disgusting to me. My face, my body, my hair, my skin… I didn’t get a single win 😭😭😭I know I should be grateful that I’ve got working parts but I honestly wish I wasn’t here at all. The pain and anxiety of going outside and feeling like the ugliest monster is too much for me and has taken too much from me already. I can’t be a normal girl, take pictures have fun have friends have a life all because of the way I look. It’s ruined absolutely every aspect of my life and I’m just hoping God will put me out of my misery asap. My parents want me to be like other girls and slim and dress nice and so do I but I feel like a pig and I can’t and nothing flatters me, I have no money, and I feel bad I couldn’t be the daughter they wanted
I’m very hopeless about my future and I’m just venting idk what to do I’m overwhelmed.

Yet again bdd has blessed me with a new insecurity that i can worry about. How close set my eyes are. I love it

Everyone says close set eyes barely look good and I feel so disgusted. Every feauture off mine is ugly for todays standards.

I can't tell you it gets better, the fluctuations of how I perceive myself to being at times possible to live with and for the most part not makes me believe BDD is real & it is not a misconstrued concept from just being unattractive.

It never gets better, you stay feeling the same no matter how the exterior changes even if people start to love you. Thats the problem... other people loving you, thats what I want to bring up here. What did I miss out in my 30 years of life by hating myself? Missed opportunities, missed chances to do something memorable, less holidays & little to no photos...

Lately, my step father of 27 years who I knew pretty much my whole life died from cancer & the shock weighs deep on me as time builds even though its been 1 month. I have to look back knowing I took no photos with him, didnt see him much in the hospital as much all for what? Because I felt too damn ugly to take a pic, to be seen in public, to losing moments I should I have cherished more?

I spent my whole damn life fantasising of being my idealistic version of myself, beautiful... someone who could never be burdened with self hate again & in pursuit of chasing this unreachable destination I have accumulated a whole heap of emptiness with no recollection of enjoying life.

Im 31 nearly... never had a girlfriend, rejected all my offers because I thought they'd see me for how I see myself, never went to more job interviews to get out of this dead end job I'm in due to fear, never travelled more than once, not on social media, never take pictures, never even go out to do the things I want...

I have 2 younger cousins who I abandoned when they were 4 & 6 because my BDD flared up because their mum made fun of my hair & the daughters would laugh at me when I was 16 when the boys thought I looked nice. I couldnt show my face in that family for 11 years & I loved them so much, I rekindled with them on my sister's wedding and although I spent time with them this year.. it was too late and I lose all those memories.

So what now? People I ever knew get older, people pass away & they dont ever see me live happy because I let BDD stop me from living...

It's not worth pursuing it, it just is not... its so hard to say dont care because you cant because crawling in your own skin is the worst feeling in the whole damn world but we need to remember the people that actually love us because that cant be taken for granted.

This is going to sound eye-roll worthy but that’s exactly my problem. I’m struggling with severe body image issues with body dysmorphia to the point of feeling like I’m close to a mental health crisis but I’m too embarrassed to talk about it with my support system.

I don’t feel like I can talk to any of my friends about this because everyone’s already dealing with their own issues and the solution seems simple: work out and eat right or deal with it. My problem with that advice is that I’ve been working out with a trainer and eating right— and I’ve definitely put on muscle because my quads are hard as rocks and I’m hitting PRs— but I genuinely can’t tell how I should perceive my size.

I took a pole fitness class for the first time and felt amazing and thought I looked amazing so I shared some videos on my Instagram story, but when I looked back on the videos the next day, my body looked completely different and I felt enormous. Now I’m embarrassed to the point of tears that I shared the videos.

I tried to talk to my fiancé about this, but he just tells me that I look fit and recommends more fitness classes and buying whatever I need at the grocery store (for context, we share expenses and he usually discourages me from taking supplements, buying high-protein snacks, and taking extra fitness classes because they’re expensive). I get confused by this because if I look fit, why recommend that I work harder on fitness and nutrition? I get that he probably just doesn’t know what to do, but if someone genuinely looks fit but feels like they’re fat, wouldn’t you say they’re crazy and laugh it off instead of offering to dish out money to help them lose weight?

I’m a wreck inside. I feel like going to a crisis center is my next move. On top of the body image issues, I just feel so incredibly alone and emotionally unsupported. I feel like a burden when I talk about my issues. I don’t think I can afford therapy and even then, I don’t have the emotional energy or desire to interview therapists who might also think I’m whining for no reason.

I just want to feel normal again.

I believe I am an ugly woman. Some months ago I had posted in r/amiugly and got so many calling me fat and saying yes or rating me a 2/10 that I had to take the post down..... i was told over and over I look like tophia/lizzo and other I don't wish to resemble...I feel absolutely worthless and unattractive and like I can't even talk to anyone in real life romantically as I feel I am undesirable/disgusting. I feel no one will ever want me as I am now. There are days when I can't even look at myself in the mirror. People close to me call me pretty but they love me so...lol. All I see is fat when I look at myself. And when I am shown any kind of interest from men i believe it is desperation, or I am reading it wrong. And I read compliments from woman to be them just being sweet snd having pity on me. I am now in the pursuit of weight lose so I can feel beautiful again 🙃. It is has in no way been an easy process- I have been struggling hard. It's become an obsession of mine, so deep I don't even think I'll be satisfied when/if I succeed... I don’t know it is BDD or not. I think it’s reality tbh.

I hate having bdd. I have a botched nose job and very strong nasolabial folds. I wish I had my old nose more than this one bc even tho it wasn’t perfect at least it wasn’t crooked with a pinched nostril. I want a face lift but all of this in total is gonna be upwards of 20 grand. I’m scared that if I go back to a surgeon it’s going to get botched again. I get so much validation from people around me but it doesn’t make the shame and the obsessive thoughts go away. I know what I have wrong with me and nothing will change that knowledge. I want to die from the frustration and shame Soemtimes.

i swear i spend most of my time taking pictures of myself and examining every little feature, sm that it is mentally exhausting and gives me a headache. i have so many surgeries in mind and if i told anybody how much i want my face to be worked on they’d look at me like i’m insane. every second of my existence i’m constantly thinking abt how bad i must look in the moment. it feels like i’ve been separated from reality a lot of the time… js recently i went out and wanted to sob in public and when i got home bc i’m terrified of people seeing me. seeing attractive girls out in public makes me feel so bad about myself. i feel so guilty about it because it’s not their fault, it’s mine. i wish this disorder would loosen its grip on me and i could live like i see other girls do.

Don’t want to be dramatic and rant about my depression but truly what is the point of living knowing I’m stuck in this body forever? I’m already dealing with a lot mentally and the thought of being stuck with this disgusting suit is the cherry on top.

I will never truly be comfortable doing anything
I’m always anxious and constantly in my head, I can never relax it’s sad

There isn’t a moment of my day where I’m not thinking about how I’m being perceived or what I look like or how my appearance has changed the last time I obsessively checked it. I’m always on edge and worrying

Even when someone is talking to me or I’m watching a show/movie or I’m eating, I just space out and think about my depressing life. I see no point in this life if I’m so unhappy

i'm a petite woman and nobody sees curves in me. i've had apparently well-intentioned people message me to tell me i look like a fashion model. you know, the kind known for having curveless bodies and are mocked for looking like stick figures and men? that's my first guilty thought. but maybe i'm overthinking and they mean something else right? until they take a photo of a very very straight figured fashion model and swear she looks just like me. proving i do not have BDD and people just genuinely think i look curveless. i'm already short, i need to at least be shapely to make up for it and i can't even have that. i will never look like an actual woman.

A man who saw my photos several years ago and knows how much it hurts me just called me a disgusting 2/10 on an online forum. I have BDD and it's hard

I’ve never really opened up to people because I don’t like being vulnerable. But something hurt me a lot, and I thought maybe it was time to start opening up and looking for support instead of keeping everything to myself.

So I opened up to my mom. I already knew she was immature when it came to emotions, but I guess part of me thought maybe it was because I hadn’t opened up to her enough. This time, I told her exactly how I felt, and she said pretty much everything you shouldn’t say to someone who’s opening up to you. It made me realize that her emotional intelligence is actually really low.

I don’t regret opening up, though. Before this, I thought maybe I wasn’t as alone as I felt and that people cared more than I realized. But after this conversation, I realized just how lonely I actually am.

I could never treat someone the way she treated me. If someone opened up to me about something that was hurting them, I’d be careful with my words and try to understand how they felt. But she didn’t seem to care at all. She turned it into an argument she had to win when all I was trying to do was express feelings I’d been holding in for so long.

She called me mentally ill and depressed and said I was jealous of other people because they were better than me. But I was never jealous of anyone. I was just trying to become the best version of myself, not compare myself to other people.

She also keeps making comments about how I should be studying all the time, even during breakfast. It’s not like I’m not trying. Even though I’m struggling mentally, I still push myself to study and at least pass my exams. But somehow, it’s still not enough for her.

I think what hurts the most is that I finally tried to open up to someone instead of keeping everything inside, and it only made me feel more alone.

I have BDD and it messes with my view of literally every aspect of myself and sometimes others. People will literally call me thin and say that I "don't look like I eat a lot" but I literally wear a size L in most clothing and pants are always tight on my legs. I feel like people are either lying to my face, have a warped perception of bodies, or that I have a warped perception. At this point i'm more inclined to believe that its just because of the fact that I live in the US, but even now I don't have a clue. Its extremely frustrating to not know what I look like.

I write those words and I'm already setting myself up for disappointment. The truth is that most days, I feel as though I'm an alien within my skin. A parasite nursing from a teenage girl. But that's how BDD works. I have OCD as well and my particular fixation is on my face.

As unfortunate as it is to say, I do believe my BDD has made me far more beautiful. I'm 17 now and the inception of my disorder was around the age of 13 or so. The years when it's no one's peak. Even as I've blossomed, I still feel like a bud.

Strangers tell me how beautiful I am. One day, as I was leaving the school restroom, I heard a small gasp. I turned to see a girl standing by the sink, looking at me wide eyed before quickly sputtering, "Oh my god, you're like the most beautiful girl I've ever seen!" to which I could only clumsily thank her before washing my hands. There are many moments like that. Not usually as extreme. But the people who come up to me and tell me I'm pretty, that my hair is beautiful, that my clothes are perfect, that my body is incredible, I can't help but have a feeling they've been sent to mock me.

I'm unsure how my experience differs from other girls with BDD. I'm really curious to know how other people treat you. Sorry if it seems like I'm only complaining but it's hard to satisfy me.

Does anyone else have this fear? Idk if it’s related to BDD, but when you have a feature you consider perfect, do you get anxious about losing it and constantly check it?
For example, I have straight teeth, and I’m always afraid of losing them or them suddenly becoming cracked or uneven. I know it might sound stupid, but I’m genuinely scared of losing my straight teeth because they feel like the only perfect feature I have. I literally check my teeth a lot looking for any flaw , I watch my chewing , posture and tongue posture all the time it’s exhausting it’s like i can’t live normally my brain is always hyper focused on my face and body .

I feel the same way about my weight. I finally reached my goal weight, but instead of feeling relieved, I’m now anxious about gaining all the weight back. And even though I’ve lost weight, I still see the old version of myself when I look in the mirror. I don’t notice the changes as much as other people do, and it’s like my mind hasn’t caught up with the changes in my body.
It made me realize that the hyperfixation associated with BDD doesn’t necessarily go away even when you achieve your “desired look.” Instead of feeling satisfied, you end up worrying about losing what you’ve achieved or fixating on something else. It’s like you can never truly feel at peace with your appearance because there’s always something to worry about, even when you finally get what you wanted. Well I still wish to get my desired face but Ik bdd will never go away lol

The feeling of imperfection began at the delicate age of 4, felt like my head was too big for my body, long story short still do... Now, as the years have gone by I have accumulated far more worse insecurities that are hard to cope/deal with.

I often called handsome now opposed to when I was younger but I genuinely don't believe I've reached my standard of handsome... I tried to convince myself through others I'm a 8/9 & sometimes AI would say I'm an 8 but now it seems like AI and more up to date systems conclude I'm infact a 6.7-7.3.

How does this make me feel? Not because of the rating hut knowing I was never that attractive despite pouring my whole damn life into this and its pathetic I cant even be an 8.

Which leads me to this... is this BDD? As a 31 year old whos been dealing with it for decades the harsh reality is its not, BDD is misconstrued to people like me to believe how I think about myself is wrong when in actuality they're wrong & I'm right... its what we call "cope".

Think about it... BDD if you have it (allegedly), someone like me... why are you socially exiled? Why do people choose to not sit around you? Why do you have a lack of friends? Why are you obseleting yourself from social media? Why do you have social proof to suggest how you feel about yourself is right despite the odd few compliments you may get? The truth is your looks carry you & transcends the butterfly effect if you even make bad choices in life. Someone like me, never drank, never smoke, always in the Gym & I never get the loyalties of feeling desired opposed to a criminal or misogynist who has options at his disposal to soothe him.

It's real, the whole dynamic of where we are and our social market value is placed on our appearance.. Theres no way around it, so therefore its NOT BDD and what you're seeing/feeling is real.

Ironically yesterday, Grok confirmed all my flaws when I asked for a rating & its been the most accurate no holds back AI yet in the most brutal way... Confirmed my hair issues, confirmed my lack of sharpness in my jaw despite having a strong one, confirmed my big nose that takes up my face and throws my facial harmony off & even my eyes that appear to be "average" or not relatively striking. Now, my body is also shit despite me training for 10 years (genetics) & I'm only 5'10.

So in theory, im a biological failure & now that I know its NOT BDD, im considering surgical interventions to allow at least a subtle improvement.

I’m slipping back into a bad place, but what else am I supposed to do when my worst beliefs get reinforced all the time? It’s so hard when your mental illness isn’t even wrong.

Recently a few of my friends, and one in particular keep commenting on my appearance, and specifically what they think I should do. How they think I should change my appearance, what kind of look I would suit.

A few times I've been told 'we've been saying you should do this or do that'. They think I should shave my head and start lifting weights to bulk up and talk about how I would look really mean and scary and people would fear me and avoid me as though I'm supposed to see that as a good thing.

A big factor in my BDD is feeling that my appearance already doesn't suit my personality. I'm quite sensitive, thoughtful and affectionate, what some guys might call effeminate and I feel like my appearance is too boxy and broad and my face naturally surly and angry looking. I try my best to soften the rough edges and show my personality through my choices in clothing and hairstyle and quite deliberately don't do exercises that would bulk me up.

I really don't like having attention drawn in this way to the way I look mean. It makes me feel like no matter how strong my personality and fashion choices they'll never break through my gruff exterior. That I'm kidding myself that I can be this person even though that's literally who I am because people will always look at me and see an angry, aggressive monster that's best avoided and my refusal to just lean into that is delusional.

Thing is, none of these friends are really masculine guys. These aren't guys who follow looksmaxers or are into Joe Rogan and combat sports, where you might understand the mindset that it's good to look burly and aggressive. They're all guys like me but whose appearances suit their personality much better.

Last week I was sat next the most vocal one of them on a long coach ride to a mutual friend's wedding and I guess the sight of me in a suit just prompted more of his opinions.

I try to tell him and anyone else who brings this up that I don't like it, that it doesn't suit me, that I don't want people to avoid me because they're afraid I'll beat them up but he always acts like he's just given me a big compliment and I should take it in the spirit it was meant and it just makes me feel like a bad person, deluding himself into being something he's not and getting snippy when people try to help and all because of how I look, which I didn't choose.

I think I've run out of ways to justify why I don't like it. Nobody seems willing to accept my reasons and it's been playing on my mind daily since the most recent incident.

BDD is hell. I can’t even vent to anyone irl because all they think is that I’m insecure with my looks or that I feel slightly ugly that particular day or that I’m being dramatic when they don’t understand it’s a debilitating condition that affects every aspect of my life. No I don’t want to hear that I’m pretty, that I look fine, that it’s in my head. I don’t want cope and lies but then again what do I want?

I guess I’m just sick of pretending to be okay I wish I could talk to someone I so badly need someone to listen and understand

Venting on here really helps, but it lasts a couple hours until I’m feeling bad again and I’m back in that vicious cycle.

Planning on dying my hair, hoping that’ll help distract me :)

I was already feeling terrible about my body, I didn’t need to know this. I wish I knew what to write. I’ve been this insecure my whole life. I’m tired of feeling this way. Perhaps I should cover all the mirrors In the house tonight. Idk. I feel so disgusting, the BDD is rampant right now, I don’t want to know what I look like.