r/AvoidantBreakUps • u/Money_Leadership_138 • 15h ago

Avoidant Advice Requested Cut off patterns

This is a high level question but do some fearful avoidants cut off family members and friends also to the point where they are like a ghost with no history?

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u/bunny000002 14h ago

My bf did this. He would say stuff like “you’re lucky ur cute bc I don’t put up with this from other people I just cut them off” idk why that wasn’t a red flag to me. He had a lot of former friendships that ended badly. His relationship with his family was good though.

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u/AltruisticTrifling 13h ago

I'd say that I certainly wouldn't be shocked if this was a pattern, although I don't know if it's the case...

....are we all aware of every human's first and most psychologically influential relationship? it's between a baby and mom, as well as the fact that some abnormal attachments can be traced all the way back to a neglectful or overbearing relationship with mom?

(important caveat - this does not mean your relationship with either parent will have any resemblance with your attachment pattern. most people often will have different attachment styles with different people varying by compatibility. but if you consistently have the same one with everyone, and it's a challenging avoidant style, that would likely be a personal issue and then i might wonder if their relationship with mom has any clues...)

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u/ComprehensiveIce1293 14h ago

yes. my avoidant ex hasn’t spoken to his mum for the past 15 years. she still regularly reaches out through messages and holiday cards but he leaves her messages on read and her letters unopened. They were incredibly close when he was growing up apparently, but he hasn’t been able to forgive her for leaving his dad

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u/Few_Doughnut_6853 9h ago

Yes… even my “best friend” I struggle to stay in contact with. Her gf is very wary of me bc I’ve been so flaky… I have to try extra hard to stay in daily contact bc I don’t want her gf to convince her to cut me off. I just get so depressed and in my head sometimes 48 hours goes by easy and I have snaps and texts I never opened. I love her but it’s just so hard for me to be bubbly and friendly when I am depressed much of the time.

Edit; I put “best friend” in quotes bc many here will say she must not be my bestie if I can’t stay in contact. We’ve been best friends for more than 15 years. Since childhood. I just… fuckin suck.:( if she calls? I will always answer immediately. It’s just texts and social media I tend to ignore badly.