I (18f) have been thinking of becoming an Au pair I am from America and would like to go to Canada and maybe Europe in the future. My original plan was to be a nanny after I dropped out of college at the end of the semester but I have been thinking of becoming an au pair instead. But I don't know where to start or if Americans can be Aur pairs in Canada. Any help would be great

Hi everyone! I’ve been an au pair in the Netherlands for a few months, taking care of a 10-year-old boy. Overall, the family is wonderful. The parents are very kind to me, I feel comfortable with them, and I really have no complaints about them as people.
The main thing I’m struggling with is the way the child is treated and the amount of help he gets with things that, in my opinion, he could do himself.
For example, his mom still feeds him, brushes his teeth for him, and I’m expected to help him put on his socks even though he is perfectly capable of doing these things himself. There is no physical condition that prevents him from doing them. When I first arrived, I was also asked to brush his teeth, but he would run away, refuse, or make a huge fuss, so eventually his parents took over that responsibility.
He also has a very difficult relationship with food sometimes. There are days when I make him something as simple as a sandwich, and he refuses to eat it because the bread isn’t cut exactly the way he wants it or because it isn’t toasted enough. I might try to toast it a little more, and then he’ll say something like, “No, I want a new one,” and expect me to make another sandwich.
This makes me uncomfortable because I don’t want to waste perfectly good food just because it isn’t exactly how he wants it. What makes it even more confusing is that his parents will sometimes say, “That’s fine, just throw it away and make another one.” So I feel like I’m stuck between what I personally think is reasonable and what the parents expect me to do.

He also has a very difficult relationship with school. He often refuses to go, and getting him to school can become a huge issue. Now, when he does go, I’m expected to stay outside his classroom for the entire school day because he says he doesn’t feel comfortable being there alone. I basically sit outside the classroom all day in case he decides he wants to leave.

The frustrating part is that I sometimes feel like a 10-year-old is completely controlling my schedule. If he says, “I don’t want to be here, let’s go home,” I’m expected to take him home. So my plans and responsibilities can suddenly change depending on what he wants that day.

What makes this especially difficult is that the parents themselves are frustrated because he still has tantrums and behaves much younger than his age. From my perspective, though, there seems to be a contradiction: they don’t want him to behave like a much younger child, but at the same time they do many things for him that he could probably learn to do independently.
And honestly, I think the constant conflicts are starting to affect me. It’s exhausting to hear every day that he doesn’t want to go to school, that he doesn’t want to eat something because it isn’t prepared exactly the way he wants, or that he is crying or having a meltdown over something that seems very minor to me. I feel like I’m constantly dealing with conflict throughout the day.
I understand that I’m not his parent, and I don’t want to interfere with their parenting choices. If this is how they want to raise him, that’s ultimately their decision. But at the same time, I’m the person who has to deal with the consequences during the day, and I’m starting to feel really stressed and exhausted by it.
I’m trying to figure out how to set reasonable boundaries while still doing my job properly and maintaining a good relationship with the family. I don’t want to overstep or tell them how to raise their child, but I also don’t want to feel like I’m being managed by a 10-year-old.

So I guess my questions are: Is this a normal situation for an au pair? Is this something I should have expected or mentally prepared myself for when I signed up to be an au pair? How much of this am I expected to put up with? And how would you handle it or set boundaries without creating conflict with the host family?
I’d really appreciate hearing from other au pairs who have experienced something similar, because I’m honestly not sure if I’m overreacting or if this is genuinely an unusual situation.

Hi, so I’ve been with my host family for a month and a half now, we live in Spain and I look after their 7 month old baby. My working hours are 09:00-18:00, the exact time when mom is working (from home). And she did say that she’s working during these hours before me coming here, but I just didn’t assume that thats what my hours were as well. And it’s been manageable for the first month but now I’m just getting burned out. The baby does sleep a lot during these hours, but I still have to be home to supervise her & be there when she wakes up. We live in the capital city, I really like it here and made many friends already as well. How can I bring up this matter to her and still have a good relationship between us? They are very nice and friendly people and I do want to stay but the hours are starting to get to me. Thank you !

For those who are already working as an au pair, how many interviews/rejections did you have with host families before you finally found the right match? Are there au pairs here who immediately found the suitable hosts with the very first family who interviewed them? Is the case of immediately finding the right match more probable with the help and assistance of agencies?

I am almost a month into being an Au Pair, and everyday I feel like I'm on pins and needles, living in a very extroverted household. Don`t get me wrong, the family is lovely – I couldn't imagine living among people that intelligent and kind, as they are. And from the practical side, the workload is less than 25 hours a week and the kids are not hard – I am very much happy about my official duties. Controversially, because of their openness and non-formality, I feel like I am on the clock 24/7 – whenever I leave my room I feel like I should be at my best and able to hold a conversation on everything. Every day, multiple times, for multiple hours.  They often initiated conversations (and still do) about every kind of topic – not only the everyday life of me and the kids, but more philosophical or political ones. And they have people over quite often, sometimes including me in these gatherings, which is a double-hard task for me to handle. So I quickly got drained, and definitely not at my best “social performance” :)

They were straightforward about expecting an Au Pair being rather an extended family member than a worker, and I genuinely liked the idea. But I did not expect this much...informality. And talking. So now I feel guilty, because I think that they expected more from me. I am also extremely sad that I can`t keep up with them. Even though everything is good with the kids (they do like me and I like them very much), I know it should be my only reasonable concern, not the parents…

They are also in very good contact with a few of their previous Au Pairs, meeting and texting often, they became true friends. Which is a very good, and a green flag for sure, but it only makes me feel like I am not good enough and I will never become this Au Pair that they continue seeing.

I need a lot of personal space and time to recover from social interactions, and to simply do my own stuff. Of course, they should`ve noticed it already, but maybe I should communicate it somehow? How do I not be frustrated not being as social as they`d expect me to?

If you have a similar experience, or simply have an opinion about it – i`ll be very happy to read your comment ^-^

I am 25 and I've been with my host for 9 months, i'd say our relationship dynamic is casual. We greet each other, they would initiate conversations that usually revolve around my day, family, friends, and my experiences here. I am introvert so I don't usually share a lot, i sometimes initiate conversation but often i feel awkward. So here's the thing, i've met a guy here and we've been together for almost half a year. And now I am torn if i should tell my host about him because i go to his house during weekends. My host are from middle east so I thought they might be traditional about relationships. I just usually say that I'd meet or go to my au pair friends whenever i meet him. It's not my intention to keep my personal life a secret but as an introvert and awkward girl, I find it hard to share about my romantic relationship.

How should i approach this? And to host families, what is your perspective about this kind of situation?

Hi! I'm trying to be an Aupair and I messaged a bunch of families. One family messaged me back, but the platform won't allow me to read what their message is because I don't have premium membership. I looked into it and turns out it's because neither of us have Premium membership, so they most likely only saw the notification that I messaged them and tried to send a generic message back, hoping that I have premium and can read it.

I'm not sure how to proceed here as I don't think a premium membership is worth it. Do I wait for them to get a premium membership? or is there some way around it?

I'm racking my brain rn and would appreciate it if anyone have any tips or suggestions. Thanks!

Sometimes I feel like people are so hostile to one another in AP/HF spaces. Host families are super aggressive to APs searching for emotional support and guidance, or assume the AP is lazy/just wants a visa/entitled/etc. The treatment is worse if the AP is not European. Yes sometimes people ask stupid questions but I feel like I click on posts made by APs about how they’re struggling, and the host parents are super flippant of their experiences.

You’re looking at a group of 18-20 somethings who want to get a cultural exchange experience. APs aren’t representative of their entire country and a lot of them are young and naïve. Also sorry but no young woman in the prime of their lives is genuinely as interested in childcare as you want them to be. Not to say that they don’t enjoy it, but I doubt girls are as enthusiastic about childcare as much as a HF would like.

There is also general racism in the program that I have witnessed. I know HFs get their opinions from their past APs as well as other families but to generalise is just racist and hiding it under the guise of “well they have a high denial rate anyway” doesn’t do much if you’re assuming that certain nationalities are uncommited/bad drivers/conniving. When I see APs post about their struggle being from a certain place, people reply with this dismissive “well sucks to be you” tone when they’re clearly just looking for some compassion. It’s very disheartening.

We are a host family in the US. Our new au pair is interested in babysitting for other families. We are concerned about burnout (we will be running close to 35-45 hours per week most weeks), and also about our schedule getting priority.

Are we justified to have these concerns? Or do all au pairs do this and we just didn't know? I just read the rules and seems like this shouldn't be happening, but I don't know what the reality is.

I will arrive to the Us in May to be an aupair with APIA , but my sister will have her wedding at the end of July.
Is it possible to travel home for 5 days and then return? Hungary

Hello everyone! I have a question for Filipino au pairs or anyone who has experience with the French au pair visa.

Has anyone here au paired in France for one year, then moved to another country and later returned to France to au pair again with a different host family?

I’m Filipino, and I previously spent one year in France as an au pair. I then left France and moved to another European country. I’m wondering if it’s possible to apply for a new French au pair visa and do another year with a different family, or if having already completed one year in France means I’m no longer eligible.

If anyone has been in a similar situation or knows someone who has, I would really appreciate hearing about your experience. Thank you!

Hi, I am a girl from the European Union, and I was contacted by a family on the site AupairWorld. They were the ones who reached out to me first, telling me that if I was interested, I could contact them on Gmail. Their profile on the site didn’t have much information and only one photo. I contacted them on Gmail, where they told me about their family and the offer: they offered £250 a week, a room with a private bathroom, a SIM card, and even a computer if needed. They said it would be their first time hosting an au pair and that they were already trying to get a work visa for the future au pair. It seemed strange to me that they would handle the visa, but I don’t really know how these things work, so I didn’t think too much about it. They said they would like to have a call two weeks after they first contacted me and asked for my full name to proceed with the visa application. Yesterday I received an email from a certain 'attorney McDougal Gregor' that included a description of the au pair job offer, with all the clauses and information included, and a request to send some documents (like a photo of my passport), stating that the work visa would cost about 1000 pounds. On top of that, it said I would have to send the requested documents within 4 working days. The email also included a PDF document with the family's and lawyer's signatures, and a space for mine that I would have to sign and send back as a PDF. All of this seems very strange to me: the family wants me to sign legal documents without ever having seen me in person? It seems very convenient that the video call with them is a week after signing those documents. I also tried to look for their profile on Aupairworld to do a reverse search with their photo, but it’s gone. Then I did some research, and apparently after Brexit the au pair work role no longer exists as a legal concept, and these scams are therefore very common. I also tried to search for the name of the lawyer who contacted me, but all I found was a fraud warning on the SRA site.

Ok before everyone blows up at me and tells me that you can only go through an agency to be an au pair in the US, I know. I'm working with GreatAuPair and even though I've enjoyed their treatment of au pairs so far, it just doesn't have a lot of host families to choose from. I would use the main 4 agencies if I could but they don't operate in my country.

I use aupair.com and Facebook to try to increase my pool of HFs to select from. I found my first family using aupair.com and they registered me with their agency as a pre-match, but it fell through due to circumstances outside of our control. We remain on good terms, but now I'm back to square 1.

If anyone's used this site before or is familiar with it, why do so many HFs have a 0% reply rate? I know some of them must be inundated by messages, but surely they would have responded to at least a few APs if they went as far as to make an account on the website. They make these well-detailed, thought out profiles and end up not replying to anyone who messages them. So why make an account in the first place?

I've messaged a lot of families in the past few months and they seldom bother to reply. They aren't talking to anyone else either as their response rate remains at 0%, but the site still shows that they have logged in recently. What's the deal there?

Hi iI am looking for a host family. I am from Morocco i am 22 y reviously worked as a nanny for a year. I have a diploma in childcare and speak French, English, and German. Is there anyone who can help me? I am in dire need of work

im a first time ap and have been with this family for almost one month now. while the parents seem to quite like me and are very young and “cool” or “chill” (lmao don’t know how else to describe them) the nanny isn’t quite like them. and she’s a live in nanny, cause the parents are out for work 90% of the time. so far it’s only been one month and i’ve already made 3 mistakes 🥲 and i may be overthinking but im genuinely terrified that woman gives me chills. about two weeks ago, i was showing the kid my minecraft world, when she suddenly came in and told me that we must not play with ipads since they’re too addicted to them, and if this was all she said it would’ve been fine, but then she proceeded to clarify that i must play with them and help them study, which made it a little scary. then this weekend has been a mess. we never decided a clear schedule for me and during my first two weeks i assessed that id be free every day till 16:30 (when the kids get home from school) except sundays which are fully off. so there was no issue with me often sleeping in. but apparently the kids being at school those past two saturdays was just an exception and they usually don’t go, but i wasn’t explicitly told abt this. this saturday i texted the nanny to ask her to lmk when it was a good time to do homework (for context the kid was getting scolded by the dad while this happened), and she told me that on saturdays i should actually stay in the living room all day and be available at any time and “not just during homework time” (scary again), and then ended it by saying “because when we went out to run errands this morning, you hadn’t gotten up yet” (EXTREMELY SCARY). then today the cherry on top, i accidentally put my clothes in the kids washing machine cause i had no idea one was only for adults and the other for children only. she texted me saying “I told you before that the washing machine you're using tonight is for children; adults shouldn't use it.” “It is specifically for children.” “When you came, I told you that the one next to it is for adults.” theres a language barrier so she was translating in real time what she was telling me when i first got here, which is probably why i missed it. anyways all 3 times she sounded (sorta since it was all via text) very annoyed at me and im scared i may be walking on thin ice now. are mistakes like these normal and usually accepted as first timers? am i making a huge deal out of nothing?

I wanted to au pair in Spain as a way to affordably attend Spanish school. I matched with a family and everything seemed good. They expected very little hours with the kids (about 7 hours a week), but in exchange the pay was very low. Still, I figured it is free housing and food and I can find other ways to make money.
However, I’m starting to get more concerned . The hosts live about an hour away from the city where I would be going to school and I’m worried about feeling isolated. On top of this, when I called with the family I figured it would be an interview. Instead, they immediately hired me with barely any questioning. I don’t know if it is a cultural difference, but I’m confused why someone would immediately trust a stranger to be alone with their kids.
I’ve had bad (creepy) experiences with work exchanges before and my anxiety is really starting to flare up. The dad was the one that reached out to me and the one that hired me. I don’t want to assume the worst, but I’m honestly tired and traumatized from the past. I want to spend time abroad and study Spanish so badly, but especially after looking at this sub I’m starting to not feel comfortable about au pairing.

Hi everyone!
Could someone help me out? I matched with a host family, but we haven’t spoken at all since the match, and I’m starting to have serious doubts. I’ve already paid for the program and everything, though.
In this situation, is it possible to cancel the match and go back into the matching process to look for another host family?
I’ve been thinking about finding a different family, but I’m worried I might have to pay the program fee all over again. At the same time, I don’t want to lose the money I’ve already paid.
Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? I’d really appreciate any advice! ❤️

Hi, i’ve posted here before to talk about some situations and weird behavior that my HM sometimes has had, but overall i always loved my HF and my HK so much.
After 2.5 years with them they told me yesterday that they no longer will need an au pair since they cant afford it anymore, but they will still pay me this month and next one (even tho i wont be working anymore), taking care of my food and my place where i stay bc i want to still live in the country where i am bc i built a life here with my friends and my bf( im from the eu i dont need a visa )
I am deeply devastated, i never imagined that i would grieve this like the lost of someone, i feel so grateful that they will b taking care of me for the next month so i can figure something out.
I am so sad to live them but at the same time i knew that this day had to come at some point and even tho i wont be their au pair anymore i am going to still be able to see the kids and help out sometimes and spend time with them.
This feels so weird and i am a little scared of what will come for me next lol but i am also studying in uni here so i will focus on that while trying to look for a new job.
Thanks for reading :(

My host mom have been overworking me ever since the 2nd week I got here I have been working 14 plus hour shifts the other day I worked from 7:00am to 11:00pm and the next day she had me work from 6:00 am to 5: 00pm and sometimes I will do 24 hour workdays with the baby overnight and she expects me to work the next day.

She has been cutting my 200$ pay in half so I get 80$-100$ sometimes when I don’t work more than 30 hours that week if she leaves for a weekend or something.

She has two kids and a dog and I also clean and do laundry and groceries. I don’t know what to do I’m supposed to be here for a year and now I’m supposed to start working with her ex husband I asked for more money because I’d be working like a full 6 days a week and they only increased it by 100$

I don’t know what to do and I’m not familiar with the rules of being an au pair

The other day she went out and said she would be back at 10:00pm so around 10:30 I asked her where she was and she said she was gonna go for a drink and be back later I asked her to be back by 12:00 and then she said I was taking advantage of her and she came back at 3:00 am with a man so I had to keep the baby in my room all night after working from 7:00 am to 3:00 am 😀. I genuinely started to think I was the problem she plays the divorced sad card often on me so I don’t question her.

I feel bad leaving her but I might have to.

I have a dutch boyfriend and i wanted to switch to partnership visa, can someone please help me

Hello! I’m flying to France from Indonesia with a transit in Amsterdam (so I will be going through the Schengen border there instead of CDG) and I‘m curious about what the process will look like. Do I need to show any documents to the officer there? I’m printing the au pair contract, and my host family’s information. Any information will be helpful! Thanks!

Hii my name IS Mel im from argentina i would like going to the US any recommendation ???? I want to improve my english and im currently studiyng In a online university (4 hours per day )