My absolute nightmare scenario is here and I'm not ready 😞

Hello. I'm not sure if this is exactly the right place to talk about this... But 2 years ago, I had a really bad experience. It’s been weighing on me, and I wanted to fully talk about it but I also didn't want to make a big fuss about it. Despite talking to my family and loved ones about the whole experience, i still feel like I’m stuck in the past about some things that happened. So if it's okay, I’ll talk about my experience and I hope it helps other people that read this; you are not alone.

2 years ago, I was admitted at the hospital. Since I was young, food had never been my highest priority and I struggled with certain foods. Eating any type of pulpy fruit would cause me to gag. I didn't like candies, cakes, or tarts; they were too sweet.

When I became a teenager and I had to take care of my own lunches and breakfast, I would drink a glass of milk. I'd berate myself: “Why don’t I make myself a sandwich? I love sandwiches!" Food is supposed to be instinct. Something that you don't think of and do. Animals will go for food when they are hungry. Why does it feel like that important switch has been turned off for me?

Little by little. I started eating less. I was always super skinny. Despite being taller than my peer, I was always min 10 lbs less than all of them. Then i got into college.

A lot of stuff happened, I was anxious, sad, and overwhelmed. I burned out and went back to living at my parents’. Then my cat died from a kidney disease. It couldn't eat anymore so it passed away. The following months, it finally became too much.

After losing 10lbs in a single week, (I was 5,7 and weighed 90lbs), my mom rushed me to the hospital. Within 10min, they had me plugged with an EKG, i had an IV with saline and several minerals. I was barely conscious as they pumped me full of nutrients. I had to learn to walk again and eat again. Hospital food did not make it easy.

I puked everything that I ate. A simple meal, one suspicious-looking shepherd's pie would take me 2 hours to finish. And after I threw it up, i would start crying and apologizing.

After the immediate crisis of imminent starvation, the real problem started. Questions.

They sent me a psychiatrist. An old and stern-looking man. He asked me why I wasn't eating. He asked if I was worried about my figure. If I thought i was too fat. I said no, that wasn't the case, but also that I didn't have an answer. Again and again, he asked me for an answer. I told him "idk". "I have autism though, perhaps that's the reason?" He looked me im the eyes and said "I've never seen someone with autism who stopped eating.”

I was flabbergasted. I mumbled "well it do be a spectrum". While I was thinking that "he must not have met a lot of autistic people".

After badgering me for answers and me trying to come up with hypothesis as to why I stopped eating, he told me I was going to be send to a psych ward. I barely had the time to say goodbye to my mom before they sent me there.

It was terrifying. They didn't have a specific section for eating disorders, so I was included with those who also had drug problems and criminal records. This is a whole other story that I don’t want to elaborate on. The main problem was that the nurses didn't seem to understand exactly what had been told. Eventually, a female psychiatrist was assigned to me, that's when she suggested that I might have ARFID. That a lot of people with autism struggle with it.

I was glad. Finally, an answer. Someone finally believed me when I said that I didn't mind my figure. I wasn't afraid of gaining weight. Things were going to get better.

It did not go as well as I'd hoped to. How dumb of me to assume that people communicate to each other in a hospital.

My stomach was still fragile due to my lack of eating. Despite the food that had gotten better, it sometimes was too heavy and I needed to go puke.

This is the problem.

This is why, 2 years later, I still feel traumatized.

The first time, I asked to go to the bathroom urgently, I immediately started throwing up in the bowl, but then they got 2 nurses that enter the bathroom, waited for me to take a pause, before dragging me away from the toilet, back to my room, forcing me to swallow what was in my mouth. I cried and cried and eventually got through. I was told not to puke. To hold it in. I said I couldnt help it but that I would still try. It happened again the next day. This time, i was in a meeting with my nutritionist, still in the cafeteria of the psych ward, and I needed to puke again. Despite trying to hold it in, I rushed to the trash can and threw up. Same thing happened. My nutritionist looked at me with pity but didnt say anything. The nurse followed me to my room while I was crying the whole way.

I apologized profusely. "I'm sorry. I really just can't hold it in." Again, nothing changed.

The last time it happened, was the worst of them. I was nauseous from the moment that I finished my lunch. I went in my room to calm down. Closing my eyes, breathe in, breathe out. I really really really tried. When it suddenly filled my mouth, i held it shut. As I gagged again and again, trying to swallow it back, I experienced what happens when you try to hold it in too much.

I threw up... From my nose. My nostrils burned and I was tearing up looking at my hospital clothes, covered in my puke. A nurse came to help clean me up, changing my bed sheet as well. While I was changing, and again, apologizing like the shy girl that I am, I swore to the nurse: “This time.. I really tried. I really tried to hold it in".

And to this day, I will never forget her answer.
"But you know, deep down, you know you could've hold it in."

Despite me telling the nurse repeatedly, I'm not anorexic. I'm not bulimic. My weight and figure have nothing to do with my eating disorder. She never believed me.

Thankfully, I didn't puke for the rest of my stay there. I guess my stomach finally decided to stabilize a bit. The last day of my stay though, I was worried as I was feeling nauseous again. As soon as my mom signed the papers and I was officially free, i ran to the bathroom to puke.

I was scared they were going to keep me there. My mom held me and just told them "must be the stress relief" and we zoomed back home.

Today, I have made it back to health. I'm 5,8 and I have a more or less stable weight of 125 lbs. Food is still an issue every day. I don't have the best diet. For breakfast, I eat a chocolate spread white oat sandwich. I still struggle with fruits, fish and certain meats. But I somewhat feel better because my parents don't push me to eat what I dislike. If it's unfamiliar food, they only ask that I give it an honest try and then they drop it.

I haven't been back to the psych ward since then, and while I still have my own issues today, I swore to myself to never let it get that bad again for at the very least, I don't want to go back there.

And that's it. Truly, there was a lot more detail to my "wonderful" experience at the psych ward, but I stuck to what really impacted me, ARFID wise.

I'd love to hear what your thoughts and experiences are on this.

Thx you for reading ówò

i will have to start my diet basically tomorrow. and i’m dying already. im scared i will be starving 😭😭 with most of my safe foods being off, i have a list i will be able to eat but im still anxious as my foods are very limited. im scared i will loose even more weight than i already did. and if that happens im scared i will be in trouble cause i will be officially underweight. my problem is “texture” as well as being too tired/exhausted to even make food. injust cant bother to cook

(begrudgingly) drawn in mspaint xD

Does anyone else here have ARFID and CVS? It feels like a real gut punch as I am trying to recover.

basically what the title says. some things i already do -

1. I don't bring up her weight unless she talks about it first

2. I don't pressure her to eat anything she doesn't want to

3. I don't ask her if she's eaten or had meals today

I'm doing some research on it, but I just want to know if there's anything specifically I can do to support her. Thank you in advance

Hello, anyone else struggling to eat and drink properly before plasma donation? Most of the meals I can eat are high in fat, which I obviously can't do before donating.

On my second donation, I ate poorly and threw up during the donation, which even worsened my ED and social anxiety. I also struggle with drinking enough water and forcing myself to drink required amount is making me sick.

I'm pushed by my financial situation to keep donating and tbh I don't know what to do... I'm having my next donation tomorrow and I'm extremely anxious.. any tips would be appreciated

They’re made for taking bitter medications, but i can see them potentially being useful for ARFID as well (chewing sensations are still an issue though)

This is kind of a silly story. Also tw for drug use

When I was an infant, I’ve been told I would eat anything, including all the healthy foods you’re meant to eat I guess. When I was around toddler age I started showing symptoms of ARFID, and I can only recount two times in my life where I added another food into my regular diet. Both by my friends mothers. First story which is less relevant to this post, in elementary school my friends mom made breakfast and I got curious about bacon and tried it. I’d always been curious about bacon in general due to the good smell and ended up liking it.
Second story, I had done acid with my childhood best friend in late high school and we were tripping hard all night. In the daytime the next day, we were still coming down and my friends mom had made us both a breakfast plate. (My friends mom was very understanding of my ARFID)
I, in my acid comedown, looked at the scrambled eggs, which I’d never had the courage to try before, and thought, wow, this kinda looks, and smells like popcorn! And I devoured it. My friends mom eventually came back into the room and apologized to me, saying she forgot about my “picky” eating
But I said, “it’s ok *insert friends moms name here* I ate it all, it was so good!” And she just accepted that with a smile. I’ve loved scrambled eggs ever since, all thanks to acid and my friends mom.

TW ED

I have developed this way of eating after "recovering" from other EDs, but not really. I had no serious help, but was hospitalized. I have adhd, ocd, and autism, among other things.

As a kid, I was the most adventurous eater... I tried fish heads, cheese ice cream, bitter melon... I liked them all. I was basically garbage disposal. I got a bit heavy, and in seventh grade "dEciDed tO tRy aNd LoSe sOmE wEiGHt" and as you can imagine, it threw me into an over 5 year long spiral of disorder. I've been underweight and overweight several times, I'm only 22. Now, it's not nearly as bad as it was, but I can only eat really unhealthy "safe foods" which seem to be:

1. Pantry safe
2. Frozen
3. Stuff that won't rot or be scary if it goes bad
4. Mild flavour/texture

My appetite is terrible, and im sitting at a low weight for my height. I think part of it is because im afraid of the "uncleanliness" of perishable foods, and getting bugs. I'm curious if anyone else has had similar experience? Also, if anyone has advice, please lemme know! Not looking for serious treatment options whatsoever.

Edit: I forgot to mention that I "forget" to eat for most of the day, that, or I put it off. Eating is so unnecessarily unpleasant... i usually feel like shit after I eat. Is this common with you guys as well? I just feel lethargic, migraine, IBS symptoms... anyway.

I’m wanting to gain 5-10lbs and maintain it. what are some foods you guys have tried that have been helpful?

currently have Boost Plus & have been eating ice cream for extra calories

not a fan of smoothies or anything I have to drink over 10oz of

I love the crunchy crispy outside of onion rings from many fast food and restaurants but I cannot stand the texture of the inner mushy ring. I have to cut them and pull it out before I eat it. Are there any places or brands that offer crunchy onion rings that don't have the inner ring in them? Like hollow, thin layer, and not solid

I just learned you are supposed to have 5 servings of vegetables a day? I could maybe do 2 max.

I eat 3/4 cup of broccoli blended into a smoothie every morning, so that’s one right there. I’m also trying steamed broccoli later today (I hated it in the past, but I’m trying to improve my diet).

I feel like 5 servings of vegetables would not leave me with enough room in my stomach for anything else. I certainly wouldn’t be meeting my protein goals.

Any advice? I do not like most cooked vegetables btw, and prefer to eat them raw or blended into a smoothie.

I’m in college right now and really struggling to get enough food with the limited choices. I’m really scared for problems my eating could cause later down the line like bone problems, blood pressure, muscle weakness and other stuff that comes from malnutrition. I try to get smoothies whenever I can but I need something more accessible that I could just keep in my fridge. I was hoping someone could give me some simple food or smoothie like drinks I could start eating/drinking to help get my body more in shape. Any advice is welcome!!

Not sure what flair sorry :/

Basically, I have never been formally diagnosed, however as a kid I had to go to a dietician (before arfid was officially a thing) as my parents were very stressed about my eating habits. My whole life I have only really eaten completely plain pasta with salt, some forms of fries and nuggets and junk food (only specific flavours).

I struggle with finding the motivation to eat and find I never crave anything, and any sort of soggy texture can make me gag intensely. Recently I have found myself in a new living situation where I felt very uncomfortable being as picky as I am, as well as finding myself getting completely sick of my comfort foods and I FORCED myself to try new things.

Almost every meal I still gag eating it, but I’m slowly getting the hang of trying different foods comfortably and really look forward to the cooking process.

I don’t know if I still have arfid? I’m not sure really if it’s something you can grow out of and considering I still struggle I really don’t know where I stand. I can’t branch out of my comfort snacks yet, only trying actual meals so far but I do feel like I’m learning and getting better?

It just feels so unfair sometimes. They get to eat literally everything we have in the house, do they really need to eat one of the few things that are the stuff I basically live on?

I know it's kind of dumb, because just bc it's a safe food doesn't mean it belongs to me and they can never have it. Yet I can't help but feel jealous...

Occasionally if I can get my executive dysfunction ass into the store I can buy something for myself and label it, and then they won't eat it... But I rarely get to do that and they judge me for it when I do (because sharing is caring or whatever). At least not as much as they used to. Oh well...

(idk whether to flair this as meme or vent, because it's both, mods shall smite me)

currently bed-rotting while my stomach is growling

getting up to the kitchen is a chore. chewing is a chore.

I already had my meal replacement shake.

F24, 75 Ibs

My health's not great so my hairs been thinning for awhile... there's very few things I feel safe eating. Are there any supplements I can take to help strengthen my hair.

I can't swallow pills and I don't really consider Anything gummy easy to stomach so liquid supplement recommendations are the most helpful.

Not only do i have ARFID. But OCD when it comes to food and my kitchen. I get terrified the alarms will go off. The food processor sets me off sensory wise. Doing the dishes will cause me to cry mid doing it. The kitchen is just not a fun place for me. I have to smell my clean dishes before i even think about using them.

HOWEVER i really need to stop using uber eats to get wendys, McDonald's etc that while are safe and consistent. EXPENSIVE.

So I'm doing my best to cook at home, and thats HARD. I work as a barista so when i get home, the last thing i really want to do is cook in my most anxiety inducing place.

I made a dairy free corn chowder, I've had corn chowder before. I added beans and potatoes to kind of make it more filling. The last bite, i don't know? My spoon suddenly smelled like fish and i immediately gagged. Corn chowder ruined for me. Thankfully my s/o liked it. All his 😭

But damn it 😭😭😭😭

You may notice a reupload because I can condense two of the options into one. :)
Think about your intake of protein, vitamins, minerals, fats, carbs, and fiber.
Thank you very much :)

Not sure if this is the right flair.

I was formally diagnosed with ARFID a few years ago. I'm still only 14, so figuring out what that means has been a learning experience. My mother described it as my body not telling me if i'm hungry unless i'm really really hungry, and that my diet is restricted primarily because this caused me to only eat when i'm really hungry, and thus only eat comfort foods. She has been very supporting, but i'm starting to call this definition into question. It doesn't fit into one of the three subtypes, as far as i'm aware, and it's not how i've seen others describe their arfid experience. It also just seems to not perfectly line up with my life. There are times where i go a while without eating anything substantial and then just kinda crash (shaky, emotional, lightheaded) but it's not exactly that i didn't get hunger signals until then, it just follows a pattern of get hungry -> eat a light snack (without many carbs) -> get hungry again until it's been a few hours since i've actually had more than a couple glasses of chocolate milk and a couple oreos. I still feel hungry, but then stop feeling hungry around 10 minutes later regardless of how much i've eaten. I do notice that i am usually hungry at school (it's around 4 hours between when i eat lunch and when i get home, with little to no snacks in between) which my classmates don't seem to have issues with. I know that my arfid is at least somewhat influenced by autism and hypersensitivity. I'm just not sure at this point what arfid actually means. Can someone fill me in?

I found an account on YouTube where a dietitian gives, in my opinion, very good advice on nutrition keeping in mind the difficulty of being neurodivergent and she also speaks about ARFID, since many people here have spoken about needing guidance but being unable to get to a professional I thought this was good to share.

One of the things that helped me the most was being able to speak to a nutritionist specialised not only in eating disorders but also neurodivergence so I hope this resource can help you too.

Edit: if the link isn't working the name is @nataliefoxRD