r/AmItheAsshole • • 16d ago

Bot Hunter Program Retirement

100 Upvotes

It's not a secret that we have been using bot-bouncer in this sub and it has been pretty successful in detecting comments by bots. After some internal deliberation, we have decided to retire the Bot Hunter program and continue only with bot-bouncer. We want to extend a sincere thank you to all who have participated in the Bot Hunter program! Your efforts to help the sub have been very much appreciated! If you have any questions, please reach out to the mod team.


r/AmItheAsshole • • 24d ago

Open Forum AITA Quarterly Open Forum Oct - Dec 2026

27 Upvotes

AITA Quarterly Open Forum Oct - Dec 2026

Keep things Civil! Rules still apply.

Greetings Assholes!!! Happy All the Holidays between now and January 2027!! Way too many to list.

This quarter, we are going to go over Rule 3 - No Violence. A topic that’s dear to my heart and one that covers so many different scenarios.

The very heart of this rule is “Do not even mention violence”. Very simple on the surface, very complicated once you dive down. It sometimes seems like we are being too specific/granular on what constitutes violence - we get that. But violence tends to breed violence, so the most benign post/comment can spiral into some off the charts shit.

The violence rule break is often the result of a soft topic going off the rails. Example: Someone is put out by their partner picking food off of their plate. What we see: “stab them with your fork, that’ll teach them (assault)!” Or, someone is stealing lunches out of the break room - “just put some hot shit in there, that’ll teach them (poison/assault)” Or, the kid goes around hitting people (assault) begets “just beat their ass (assault)!” Simple, common things we’ve all said at some point in our lives. Still violence.

The hardest ones for us are those that deal with abuse of any sort. It’s easy to jump on that hate train. Truthfully, I’m probably on some of those trains, cause fuck abusers. BUT, we remove those comments/posts because they beget violence - it’s not that we don’t have opinions on those topics, far from it. These break the violence rule and, regardless of our personal opinion, it breaks the rule. It’s as simple as that.

We get MOD mails so filled with anger and spewing hateful shit because “How dare you remove that post for violence. Y’all must agree with them”. No, we don’t - violence is violence. There is enough of it out in the real world, we don’t need it here for any reason.

Finally, the real reason for reviewing this rule: Consent.

Very simply, if anyone touches you without your consent - this is assault. Sexual harassment counts! It is not ‘ick’, it is not ‘smile, they will go away’ - it is something covered by this rule. This is true regardless of gender. Understanding this will help the most when deciding if something is violence or not.


As always, do not directly link to posts/comments or post uncensored screenshots here. Any comments with links will be removed.

We'd like to highlight the regional spinoffs we have linked on the sidebar! If you have any suggestions or additions to this, please let us know in the comments.


r/AmItheAsshole • • 2h ago

AITA for calling out my sister when I watch her kid 3 days a week and she claims she's raising him alone?

704 Upvotes

My sister (34F) has been a single mom for about two years. I'm 29F, and her son is 7. I love the kid.

Since she started her new job last year, I've been picking him up from school three days a week. He stays at my place until around 7pm. I make him dinner, help with homework, and sometimes drive him to his activities.

I don't get paid for any of this. Never asked to either. She's my sister, and I don't mind helping.

Anyway, last weekend we had a family dinner, and someone asked my sister how she manages everything on her own.

She said, "Honestly, it's just me. I don't really have anyone to lean on."

I kind of laughed and said, "Wow, guess I'm invisible then."

I was half joking, but she got annoyed and said, "You know what I mean. You're not the one actually raising a child."

That pissed me off a little, so I said, "I rearrange my work schedule three days a week to help you. Would it kill you to acknowledge that?"

Yeah, dinner got awkward after that. She barely spoke to me.

Later she texted me saying I'd embarrassed her in front of everyone. She said watching her kid a few afternoons a week doesn't make me a parent, and that I made her feel like she owed me something.

I never said I was raising her kid. I know I'm not. But saying you have absolutely nobody to rely on when your sister spends three afternoons a week looking after your son? Come on.

My mom thinks I should've said something privately instead of bringing it up at dinner. My brother thinks my sister was being ungrateful.

Maybe I shouldn't have said it in front of everyone. I just got annoyed hearing her talk like she does everything completely alone.

AITA?


r/AmItheAsshole • • 11h ago

AITA for not brushing my nephew’s hair before school

1.9k Upvotes

I am a single parent to 3 girls (12f, 7f, and 5f). My best friend is also a single parent with 2 kids, 8m and 11f. I work from 9-6 and she works from 6:30-3.

We have an arrangement where she drops her kids off at my house at 6am and I get them to school at 8:45. She picks them up at 3:20 and watches all of them at my house until I get home.

I love my niece and nephew but my nephew is extremely stubborn and expects everything to be done for him. His dad was the same way and on his dads weeks his grandma does everything for him.

When his mom started dropping them off in the mornings, he expected me to get his clothes out for him, pack his entire lunch (I pack mains, snacks are on them), and brush his hair. I told him that if my 5 year old can figure it out, so can he.

It’s been 3 weeks and there’s definitely some improvement. His clothes are weather appropriate and he’s packing himself enough food to get through the day but his hair is still looking pretty rough. I don’t fix it for him. He has access to a brush and a mirror and has plenty of time to brush it before we leave and practice after school.

I guess some of the other kids are giving him a hard time over his hair. He told his dad and grandma that I don’t brush his hair and that the other kids at school give him a hard time over it. His dad and grandma have been calling and texting me to say that I am too hard on him and he’s just a little boy. I know my friend tends to baby him to some extent to avoid conflict with her ex so I’m wondering if I am in the wrong for making him figure it out when he’s with me.


r/AmItheAsshole • • 14h ago

AITA for refusing to refund my friends their share of the Airbnb after they bailed three days before our trip?

2.7k Upvotes

Four of us booked a mountain cabin two months ago and split the nonrefundable $1600 cost evenly. On wednesday two of them canceled because of work deadlines and demanded their $800 back so they could pay rent. I refused to cover their half out of pocket, and now they say I am stealing their money


r/AmItheAsshole • • 4h ago

POO Mode Activated 💩 AITA for wearing 'too much' to dinner and refusing to apologize for it.

409 Upvotes

I needed a third opinion, so I decided to go here so I hope I am doing this right. I am 22 years old and recently went out with family for a big fall dinner. I decided to bring my partner (23 years old, a masc non-binary). Well, the main issues seem to be what I wore. I have always liked wearing more than just a shirt and jeans for dinners, I also love fall (and Halloween) so I decided to wear something spookier for the season. I even went a little bit more simpler knowing that I was going to a haunted house afterward with most the people there. Now, nothing was revealing, the most revealing part was maybe the ripped jeans I was wearing. I even had a painted jacket on top.
Dinner seemed to go well, my grandmother just seemed quiet. However, that is normal for her, she is usually too busy playing candy crush. We parted ways and I noticed she refused to say anything to my partner and I. THAT is odd for her.
The haunted house was just as good, and everyone seemed to love meeting my partner. My partner was even invited to the next family dinner (a really big thing in my family).
Well, I get home and my mother has a conversation with me, most notably how I need to 'mellow out' (Yes, I still live with my mother, she lives about an hour away from the college I go to and rent is expensive for a college student). I asked what she meant and she points out how much me and my partner wore (Me wearing jeans, a shirt, a jacket, a few rings and a purse while my partner a skirt, some more rings, a beanie, a jacket and shirt). I am confused and ask what that means. She then informs me that my grandmother had messaged her about how nobody liked what me and my partner wore and how it was 'devil like'. Now, my mother clarifies that she likes what I wore but she would like me to dress down more because she doesn't want to argue with my grandmother. I tell her that I won't mellow myself out for a woman who smokes enough to kill a baby and owns fifty moomoos. She than calls me rude for making her choice between her daughter and mother. I inform her I never did. She starts yelling and crying how I am 22, I need to grow up. I then asked what my partner had to do with it. My mother than went silent before storming off to her room.
I woke up the next morning to my phone full of missed calls from my brother, some cousins, my mother and a few from my grandparents. I even had a few missed texts talking about how I need to apologize for this mess. I tell them that I refuse to apologize for what I wore but I would for yelling at mother. Ever since then, things have been tense and I have family calling me/texting me daily to remind me to apologize to my grandmother for what I wore because its rude not to. So, AITA for refusing to?


r/AmItheAsshole • • 9h ago

AITA for choosing to spend Christmas at home with my husband and toddler, making my sister feel like Christmas is "ruined"?

893 Upvotes

Ever since I can remember, my family has spent Christmas together. However, I now have a husband and a toddler (turning 3 soon). This year, my husband and I decided it’s time to start our own family traditions. We want to spend Christmas Eve just the three of us at home, but we offered to visit my family on the 25th or 26th.

My mother is completely understanding. She actually expected this and did the exact same thing when she was a young mother. Plus, she is in a relationship, so she won't be alone at all.

However, my sister is taking it incredibly hard. She isn't acting out of malice, but she is deeply sad and acting like a stubborn child. She shut down and told my mother that if we are not celebrating together on Christmas Eve, "it won't be Christmas at all" for her this year.

Here is the thing that confuses me the most: My sister herself is newly married. Both she and my mother are in happy relationships, so nobody is being left isolated or alone on Christmas Eve. Yet, my sister is reacting as if I am destroying the entire holiday.

Her reaction is giving me a massive guilt trip. I feel like it's a natural step to build your own traditions with your child, but seeing her so heartbroken makes me second-guess myself.

AITA for sticking to my plan?


r/AmItheAsshole • • 10h ago

AITA for wanting to be paid to watch my grandkids?

832 Upvotes

I am a recently retired divorced grandmother having left a career of 33 years. My daughter, her boyfriend and I live together with her five yo and 18 mo old. Years ago, before boyfriend, kids, and retirement, my daughter and I talked about my homeschooling when she had children. We also talked about living together, which I was always hesitant about. However, now here we are and I homeschool my kindergartener grand and babysit both. But, it has turned into a 24/7 job with no compensation, consideration or gratitude. With a series of terrible events, including cancer (I’m in remission), the death of my only other daughter and financially supporting the daughter I live with for about four years post-college graduation, my retirement savings is gone. I am struggling financially. My daughter has a good job but has a spending addiction buying luxury items and eating out. She borrowed a large sum from me that I took from my retirement savings and has never paid it back. Her boyfriend has a good job, but gives all his earnings to my daughter with the exception of paying rent and buying some groceries. My daughter has to go out every weekend for fun, spending more money. They just leave and don’t take their children so I am stuck at home babysitting. I cook all the meals for the most part. I prepare all the lesson plans and hold school for 6 hours every weekday with breaks. I have to clean up after them, bathe and dress them everyday except some weekends. The parents get home in the late evening and just barely watch them. It has become more than a full time nanny job and to be clear, when I started and every week, I remind them of my official time to watch them, meaning evenings and weekends are my time. So, now I am asking for compensation of $170 per week so I can pay my bills and feel like I am not being used. The boyfriend refuses to pay me saying my daughter owes him money so she needs to pay it and I just want money. My daughter says that I am being unreasonable and taking advantage of them. My final decision is that if I don’t get compensated and my evenings and weekends, I am not watching my grands anymore and once the lease is up I’m leaving. I feel like I’m being guilt tripped and gaslighted to feel I am the problem. Additionally, the boyfriend is incredibly disrespectful towards me. It has me feeling very despondent. AITA?


r/AmItheAsshole • • 1h ago

AITA: my friend called me a bitch and a horrible friend over a wedding rule

• Upvotes

Please bare with me as this is a long post.

Me (27F) and my fiancé (32M), are getting married next year in the spring. We sent out invites 2 weeks ago to friends and family.

One rule we have for our wedding is that it will be child free. We are going to have drinking games and other games that are not suitable for children. And not only that, my partner and I both agree that we feel children would be disruptive so we came to the decision to keep it child free.

One particular friend I have has two children both under the age of 7. She sent me a long text message, and to summarize it, it basically said that “I knew her financial situation and that I know she can’t afford a baby sitter and now she can’t come to the wedding because of it being child free”

I was honestly shocked at first because of how entitled it sounded, so I replied.

I told her that I completely understood if she couldn’t find a solution to the problem, but we would definitely miss her and could get together eventually to hang out as a way to fix the missed time. I also told her that I would be okay if her husband did not attend. Neither me or my fiancé are particularly close with him, so i thought, hey maybe that could work. We would miss him too but it would be okay and he could stay home with the kids.

She sent me a message back and this one I am going to paste below

Im sorry but are you being fucking serious rn? You know my financial situation and you know for a fact I can’t even afford my groceries. I have to sell my fucking food stamps to pay bills. you think I can serious afford a babysitter? You’re crazy if you think that. I don’t even want to come to your wedding you inconsiderate bitch.

I didn’t even reply to this one because I was honestly just baffled. She sent that last one yesterday and it’s been on read for 19 hours.

AITA? Am I just being inconsiderate? Should I just pay for a babysitter? Idk


r/AmItheAsshole • • 6h ago

AITA For Not Giving My Coworker Money for Pizza?

257 Upvotes

A coworker of mine, we’ll call her Jane, moved to another state about a year ago and left our department. Recently, she reached out to my current coworkers and myself that she would be visiting. “Amy”, one of my coworkers whom I’ve known for 6 years, is in a relationship with “Tim”, who started working with us about 1.5 years ago. Amy offers to host a little get together at her house for a reunion.

Some background: When Jane left a year ago, Amy hosted a goodbye get together at her house, so it made sense that she offered again. A year ago, we all split the cost of pizza when we came over and Amy had drinks to offer us and some snacks; I had brought some snacks myself.

This time around, it felt to me that Tim was the honorary cohost, despite the residency technically belonging to Amy. The night before, Amy confirmed me and my boyfriend’s attendance (everyone included in this night knows my bf as well as they know me, if not better) and I asked if we needed to bring anything. She said no, she’d have some drinks and figured we’d get pizza again; that sounded good to me.

Amy lives over a bridge and the tolls are expensive, in addition to the 45minute drive from work to her place. For the day of the get together, I had to hire a babysitter for my elderly, diabetic dog. So between tolls, gas, and babysitting it cost me about $60 to attend this shindig for only a couple of hours (we all work the next day at 8am).

Amy states that, presumably referring to herself and Tim, “we’re going to order pizza” and the rest of us were like that sounds good. No other discussion was had, to my knowledge, no one was even asked what toppings they wanted - I certainly wasn’t. Whatever.

So the pizza shows up, they bought a penne vodka pie and a plain pie, which are fine, but neither of which I would’ve chosen if I had been asked what I wanted. The night goes on, I have 1.5 slices. My boyfriend has 2 (and my other half). Jane, the guest of honor, has 1 and the additional coworker there has 2. Amy and Tim keep the left overs. I had two of the drinks they provided (some no sugar canned margaritas) while we were there and my boyfriend brought his own beer and coincidentally left two behind.

The following day, Tim texts the groupchat and asks us all for $20 EACH for the pizza last night. That means it cost $120 FOR TWO PIES??? We’re in Queens, NY for price context but it’s unfathomable to me that two pies of pizza, DoorDash service, and tip came to $118 (to be specific). Jane had one slice! And all of it was for her!

Me, my boyfriend, and Jane questioned the price and argued that $20 each for two pizza pies is unbelievable, especially when all of us had 1-2 slices each. Maybe it would have been a little different had there been a discussion of where we were ordering from, what kind of toppings we wanted, and the total price before the order was made. My bf ended up sending $30 on our behalf; idk what Jane sent. I guess im just wondering what the internet thinks.

Update: The hosts themselves were included, and so was the guest of honor, in the divvying up of the pizza. Plus, Tim said explicitly that it was $118. Jane, was one of the people who spoke up about not wanting to pay $20 for her slice.

For people wondering why im petty about the amount of slices people ate is that: if each of the guests ate 2 slices, including Jane who technically only ate 1, that’s 12% (6% for Jane) of the total pizza each (assuming two large pies are 16 slices which is standard) that means that my hosts ate/kept approximately 44% of the food they bought. I am usually all for splitting things equally, but I absolutely think that the amount of food shared plays a huge role in this.


r/AmItheAsshole • • 9h ago

AITA for hiring another electrician after waiting 20 days?

416 Upvotes

I hired an electrician to do some work at my house and he kept saying he would come soon but every time something happened and he couldnt make it this went on for 20 days and during that time I found out he was doing work at another house while telling me he was too busy to come to mine
I eventually got tired of waiting and hired another guy who finished the job pretty fast
then the first electrician finally came to my house after 20 days and acted surprised when I told him the work was already done he said I should have waited because we had an agreement but I dont think an agreement means I have to wait forever when he keeps delaying everything
now im wondering if I was wrong for not giving him one last chance AITA


r/AmItheAsshole • • 4h ago

WIBTA if I hijacked my elderly relative's youtube algorithm?

157 Upvotes

I have an elderly relative who spends all day listening to rage bait AI stories on youtube. She used to enjoy reading, which is probably something which requires too much effort now, but the rage bait stories seem less than emotionally healthy. We've tried to tell her that the stories are written by robots, but she doesn't care.

WIBTA if I logged into her account and tried to get her algorithm to show her her old interests and no AI stories?


r/AmItheAsshole • • 2h ago

AITA for saying my wife is being unrealistic?

97 Upvotes

My wife(35) and I(32) are looking after her friends' son(13) because they are in prison right now(fraud). The kid likes reading but my wife thinks he took too long to finish Heart of Darkness (12 days). She grew up in the US, being a dual citizen, and said she and her friends studied the book. She told me she and her friends finished reading it for the first time much quicker before starting to study and annotate the text. She said we should make him read more for practice. I pointed out that she and her friends speak English as their first language, unlike him, and that expecting him to finish as quickly is just unrealistic. She was upset at the last part.


r/AmItheAsshole • • 4h ago

AITA for lashing out at my MIL?

107 Upvotes

I (27F) gave birth to my first child four weeks ago and am currently staying at my parents’ place for my postpartum confinement (context: it’s a cultural thing where moms do confinement for a month in their parents home following the birth of their child)

Ever since we brought our son home, my MIL has been visiting every single day. Initially, I had nothing against it, but she’s becoming increasingly controlling, nitpicking on the slightest things and making unnecessary comments. I’ve tolerated her behaviour for the past five years, but yesterday was my breaking point.

My dad mentioned in our home that his friend’s wife and her sister would be coming over to see our baby. My MIL immediately questioned why they needed to visit. When my dad left the room, she started raising her voice, saying things like, “Why should they see the baby when my own father hasn’t?” All while my friend was next to her, chatting with me.

Mind you, her father hasn’t met our son because of his health issues and recent hospitalisation. Nobody has prevented him from visiting.

After leaving, my MIL sent me a long text complaining about the visitors. I ignored her, so she started messaging my mom, telling her not to let them come. When my mum ignored her too, she got my FIL to call my dad.

For context, my dad’s friend allegedly cheated my FIL’s brother of approximately $200,000.

Except the man wasn’t even coming over. It was his wife and her sister.

I understand why my in-laws dislike him, but why should my parents be dragged into their personal grievances? And who gives them the right to dictate who my parents can invite into their own house?

I lost my cool and sent my MIL a stern message, telling her I didn’t appreciate her interfering with my parents’ decisions or telling me who could see MY son. I ended it by telling her to stop being controlling because her behaviour was suffocating.

She has since gone silent, shown my messages to my FIL and SIL, and my FIL even messaged my dad to complain that I was rude. My dad just laughed and said they’d lost their damn minds.

My husband defended me and told his parents they had overstepped, but he also thinks I am an AH for lashing at his mom.

I am four weeks postpartum, exhausted from breastfeeding and looking after a newborn, and sick of accommodating someone who thinks she gets a say in everything in my parents house.

AITA for finally snapping at my in law?


r/AmItheAsshole • • 2h ago

AITA for saying old people need to learn to mind their business to nosey coworker?

81 Upvotes

I just started at this new job on 10/14. They dont allow phones in the building unless you have a dr note and a phone release form. If you dont have them, you will be turned around while going through security.

My schedule is typically 4:30am-8:30am. Yesterday for some reason I was scheduled 4:30am - break from 10 to 11- 4:30pm. So from 11 am on, I was with a different team than I usually am.

Also, a detail that will be important later: im not super young, and im not new to be employed. Im on the tail end of my 30s and I've been working since I was 14.​

I wear a continuous glucose monitor, and have an insulin pump which is controlled from my phone. So I have my phone on me, and my dr note and phone release are always in my bag, along with snacks. Which is never more than 15 feet from me.

Around 2 I started feeling a little off like my sugar was low. I go over by where my bag is and check my sugar. 66. Oop.

I get out one of my snacks and as im opening it this old lady approaches me. No fuck you, whaddya need, or nothing.

Her: you know youre being watched right?

Me: uh. Hi. Yeah.

Her : we aren't allowed to have our phones at work.

Me: I have medical permission for my glucose monitor. Im low right now so if you could please leave me to eating.

Her: well you need to take your phone out to your car. And stop eating while im speaking to you

Me: Who are you again i dont think we were introduced?

Her, screaming now: IM THE PERSON TELLING YOU TO PUT THAT PHONE OUT IN YOUR CAR. YOU ARENT ANOVE THE RULES

Me: okay are you the boss or something? I thought (manager) was the boss over here. I have my dr note and release form. So unless there's something else, you can go back to whatever area you were in.

Her, again screaming: DONT YOU HAVE AN ATTITUDE WITH ME LITTLE GIRL.

So I grab my shit and go to the manager. I ecplain to him what just happened and let him know im leaving, because I dont know why I was scheduled 12 hours in the first place especially being part time.

She then approaches us

Her: well since she wants to rat ill come tell on myself ! I sure did tell her to put the phone in her car!

Manager: and you want to leave over that?

Me: bo I want to leave because im already 10 hours in to this shift and im being yelled at by a stranger when I obviously already dont feel too great because my sugars low

Her: you kids need to learn to obey rules and separate from those damn phones!

Me: you old people need to learn to mind your own business

And I took my shit and left.

Now today, im public enemy number 1. Everyone's pissy at me. Everyone's saying i should've just said "okay" and respected her as an elder. I already didnt really even know anyone at the job and now everyone has beef with me.

So AITA?

Editing to add: another manager saw me crying (im a frustration/anger cryer) while clocking out and asked me what happened. She did tell me this lady is just another part timers with the same title as me. Not a manager or anything, and that the manager that was over there is super new and hasn't been in the position for a full month.


r/AmItheAsshole • • 9h ago

AITA for getting angry that my boyfriend entered my 3-year-old son into a LEGO competition and put down sets for himself?

237 Upvotes

My boyfriend not is not my son’s father (this is important). My son is 3.
A toy store was holding a competition where you could enter a child to win LEGO sets worth up to $1,500. You could list up to 10 sets, including their names and product numbers.

My boyfriend entered my son without asking me first. The form had a checkbox stating something along the lines of, “I, as the child’s parent/guardian, consent to my child participating.” He checked it and wrote down his own name.
However, that’s not what made me angry.

FIVE OUT OF THE TEN SETS HE LISTED WERE FOR HIMSELF.

And no, these weren’t sets he planned to build with my son. They were genuinely for himself to build and keep at his own apartment.
When I questioned him, he explained that he wanted to get as close to the $1,500 prize limit as possible. He also planned to enter my son into another competition at a different store, listing only sets for him there.
I understand his logic to an extent, but I still have a problem with it. Even if my son won both competitions, my boyfriend would still have used half the slots in the first competition to potentially win himself LEGO.
To me, it feels like using an opportunity intended for a child to get free stuff for yourself. My son could have had five more sets listed for him instead.
I know winning isn’t guaranteed, so I can’t literally say anything was stolen from him. But it’s the principle of it. Why use a competition entered in a child’s name to win things for yourself that you’ll keep at your own place?
I also got incredibly angry, to the point where I was physically shaking. I didn’t yell, swear at him, or call him names, but I told him I was absolutely livid.
I made it clear that I thought the original idea was lovely and appreciated that he wanted to get LEGO for my son. I would even have agreed to the entry if he’d asked me first!
My issue was that he consented to the competition as a guardian, despite not being my son’s father, and that he used half the available slots for his own personal collection.
I’m autistic, and sometimes I struggle to judge whether my reactions are proportionate, which is why I’m asking here.
Am I overreacting? Is his explanation reasonable, or is it selfish to use half of a child’s competition entry to potentially win things for yourself, even if you plan to enter the child into another competition afterwards?


r/AmItheAsshole • • 11h ago

AITA for asking my debit card back.

329 Upvotes

here’s some context. i (15M) have roughly 5000$ in my bank account which i have saved since i was roughly around 9 years old. My grandmother (65F) helped me make the account when i was starting to save up a generous amount of money. 

recently my grandma had picked me up from my co-op, she was asking questions about my day on the way home, after awhile of talking i had asked her for my debit card back, she got quiet and asked me why i wanted it. told her that i just felt safer with it on me, she proceeded to say that last time i had it on me i had tried to spend money on something. i was confused about her reply so i told her that the money in my account was mine, before i could finish what i was saying  she got pissy and said that “the money isn’t yours, it’s mine and i can take it back whenever i want.” which pissed me off because it was my money. the money i have saved up doing babysitting for her. (my grandmother is a foster parent and pays me 200 dollars to watch the kids.) i retord and say “it’s my money, you can’t just take it from me.” she goes on a rant about how she can do whatever she wants because she’s my guardian. this rant goes on till we get home. 

i get where she’s coming from teens spend money on stupid shit all the time, but i literally don’t drink or smoke. the only thing i can consider stupid is that i buy blind boxes. but i dont buy them everyday.

am i the asshole?


r/AmItheAsshole • • 2h ago

AITAH for not letting my mother discharge to my home?

65 Upvotes

My mother is chronically ill, and I'm struggling with a situation involving her, my brother (37M), and me (34F).

My dad passed away unexpectedly in May. We were very close, and his death has been incredibly difficult for me. In July, my mother was hospitalized for three months and is now in rehab. Three weeks into her hospital stay, I fell and seriously injured my back. I can no longer walk unassisted. I use a walker, and my wheelchair is still pending insurance approval. I need help with my own daily activities, and my husband is currently on FMLA from work to care for me.

Something that hurt me deeply was that my mother never came inside my home to comfort me after my dad died. She made a few drive-bys with Chick-fil-A, which I appreciated, but I needed more from her. I needed my mother emotionally, especially after losing my father.

Unfortunately, this is a recurring theme in my family. I feel like I'm treated as though I'm a robot who can keep giving indefinitely, regardless of what I'm going through. Everyone continues to take from my cup without pouring anything back into it.

Three years ago, my mother was hospitalized for two months. When she was discharged, she needed round-the-clock care. My husband and I spent the next eight months going back and forth between our home and hers to care for her. It put a lot of strain on our own lives, but we made it work because she needed us. During those eight months, my brother came over to help exactly once. My brother currently lives with my mother. Despite living with her, he visited her only three or four times during her recent three-month hospitalization. He has also been driving her car to work and wherever else he needs to go.

While my mother was in the hospital, the power went out at her house, and my brother asked to stay with me. I declined because he has a history of being disrespectful toward me. When I called out his behavior, he called me names, and we haven't spoken since.

Now, my mother wants to be discharged from rehab to MY house. She has a five-bedroom, three-story home of her own that she could potentially return to. I believe she could safely return there, but doing so would mean my brother would have to take on more responsibility while continuing to work. I suspect she would rather stay with me because she knows I'm dependable and will find a way to make things work. If she comes to my house, my husband and I become responsible for her care again.

The difficult part is that my mother acknowledges what I'm going through, but her needs always seem to take priority because she's sick and she's my mother.
I understand that her illness is serious. I'm not saying she doesn't deserve care, and I'm not trying to punish her for being sick. But my needs matter, too. I feel like my recovery, my grief, and my well-being are always expected to come second.


r/AmItheAsshole • • 1d ago

Not the A-hole AITA for not giving in to my sister bringing her child to our adults only vacation?

4.0k Upvotes

For context I am (f25) and my sister is (f32) with a 2 year old daughter who is about as high maintenance as a toddler her age can be. I have a brother (m21) who has been gone for two years on a service trip and will be returning next month. To celebrate him coming home we decided we wanted to have a vacation that is adults only (me and my siblings) and no children. Now my sister is insisting that her child be able to come because she can’t get childcare for the trip. Meanwhile my other brother (m29) and my other sister (f35) have gotten childcare for their combined six children which was no small feat with that many kiddos. The sister in question is very much a helicopter parent and her husband is as well. Overall we all feel that she should not be able to bring her child and just have to either not come to the trip at all, or leave her child with her husband and come alone. AITA or is she being unreasonable?

Edit for clarification: All siblings are bringing their spouses
Her husband is certainly invited, him staying with the child is a last resort due to not finding childcare


r/AmItheAsshole • • 8h ago

AITA for wanting a slush fund

155 Upvotes

My wife and I have a little disagreement. married for 40 years and we are in a decent place financially. She has been retired now for about 7 years and I will be working for a few more. All of our resources are shared. Checking, savings, travel fund, nestegg, retirement accounts, etc.

I have recently gotten into enjoying guns for the first time. I enjoy the range and target shooting. I want to investigate skeet shooting etc. What I've found is that this hobby, like most, requires special gear. The guns, the cleaning supplies, practice gear, the ammo, the range membership, etc. all of it is legit but I get tired of having to explain why I want this or that when she has no interest in it, so she has no perspective on the things I want.. and if I try to explain it all, I get a glossy stare..

My proposal to her is that when our $500 car lease ends soon and we turn it in and stick with just one car.. we both get $100/month each as a hobby fund. She can do with it whatever she wants and same for me. I would use it for ammo or save up some for a gun I want, etc. I just want an account to dip into without being judged or scrutinized.

Is this selfish?


r/AmItheAsshole • • 5h ago

AITA for taking my name off the power bill when I moved out?

95 Upvotes

I am moving out of my apartment earlier than my lease ends, so I was going to take my name off the power bill. For clarification, I have three roommates and we venmo each other for utilities since the landlords don’t do it themselves. I have power and my other roommate cover internet (the third just pays us two back).

Now, two of the three of us are moving out early because we cannot get along with the third roommate (it’s a loonnnggg story). I don’t want to be responsible for the power since I won’t be living in the apartment anymore and Ik the one roommate left likes to crank up the ac to 60 and the bills over the summer while I’m gone will be crazy high. I’ve told her I don’t want to have my name on it since I won’t be living there- she hasn’t rlly responded and there is a stipulation on the lease we can’t just take our names ofd of power accounts.

Not sure if this makes me an asshole for not wanting to pay for her power while she gets to live in the apartment alone and pay 1/3 of the rent :(


r/AmItheAsshole • • 21m ago

AITA For withholding bread for the family until I'm paid back?

• Upvotes

Hi. I've been making bread for about 4 years now and my family is most fond of my focaccia loaf. It's easy to make, airy, and customizable so I normally make 2-4 loaves a month. On top of that every Sunday I make sandwich bread for the week. In the beginning before I could work, my mom would buy the cheapest bread flour which did the job but I eventually upgraded to better flour once I started working after school. It's kinda expensive but given that I didn't have any bills to pay I could afford it. And because it was basically my flour (no one else used it and I paid for it), I kept it in the higher cabinets so it wouldn't get mixed in with the all purpose flour container that my mom kept stocked.

That was until this week when I had to move it because our cat somehow broke the cabinet door and my dad needed the cabinet empty to fix said door. I left it on the counter and when I came back from classes the bag was gone. I asked my mom about it and she said that she put the opened bag of flour into the big container of flour.. The all purpose flour. I was pretty pissed off because I had just bought that bag the other week and only used about 2 cups of it! I thought about possibly scooping out the bread flour from the container but 1. I don't know where the all purpose flour stops and the bread flour begins, and 2. My mom will pour the older flour into a bowl, put the newer flour into the bottom of the container, and then add in the older flour on top so it's pretty difficult to separate the two now.

I was pretty upset because my 10 lbs of flour is now gone. Sure it's only $12 but I'm not in high school anymore, I'm paying my own college tuition, trying to save up for my own car, and looking to save up some money to live with my friend next school year so I've been trying to be careful with every penny. At first I was calm and told my mom that I can't go out and spend $12 on flour again. So either she pays for my new bag or I don't make anymore fresh bread. And that includes the weekly sandwich bread. She told me to just use what's in the jar but I can't, especially for the focaccia. Every time I tried it with all purpose it was too dense. It's edible yeah, but given how long it takes to make bread, I don't want the bread I make to be that dense. Plus I'd have to adjust my recipes to an ingredient I haven't used in years. I also don't just make bread for my family. My friend's birthday is coming up and I wanted to surprise her with a charcuterie board made of focaccia so I need the good flour.

Based on where I'm posting, you all can understand that my mom is upset and thinks I'm being unreasonable. Which maybe I am.. She sees nothing wrong with me using regular flour but it's not just about the crumb density, it's the fact that something I bought for myself was ruined so I refuse to go ahead with the service that I normally provide until I am compensated! I'm so sorry this feels so dumb but I just can't be spending $24 on flour in one month.

EDIT: Hi it keeps coming up a lot so I wanna clarify. While I do live with my parents, I PAY RENT, UTILITIES, AND GROCERIES EVERY MONTH.


r/AmItheAsshole • • 3h ago

AITA for refusing to give my brother money?

51 Upvotes

I’m 20M and my brother is 17M. He asked me to borrow $40 because he wanted to go out with his friends.

I told him I could give him $20, but I wanted the other $20 back because I’m trying to save money. He said that was fine.

The next day, he asked me for another $20. I asked him what happened to the first $20, and he said he spent it. I reminded him that he still owed me the original $20.

He got annoyed and said, “Bro, it’s literally $20. You act like I owe you hundreds.”

I told him that wasn't really the point. If I lend someone money, I expect them to pay me back, especially when they already agreed to.

He then asked me for another $30 because apparently his friends were going out again that night. I said no.

He called me selfish and said I have a job and “plenty of money,” while he doesn't.

I told him having a job doesn't mean I'm obligated to fund his plans, especially when he hasn't paid me back for the first time.

Now my mom thinks I should just give him the money because we're brothers and it's not that serious.

I feel bad because I don't mind helping him when he actually needs something, but going out with his friends isn't exactly an emergency.


r/AmItheAsshole • • 4h ago

AITA for not wearing a specific dress?

54 Upvotes

UPDATE: I showed my mom the dress with the leggings and the sleeves pinned up so you cant see the spaghetti straps, and she said I can wear it. Thank you all for your ideas and help!!

I (19F) am going to a funeral tomorrow. I was told I cannot wear my own dress because its "inappropriate". This black dress is own is the least revealing and tight dress I own. It dosent show any curves, it goes JUST above my knees in the front, the rest goes down below my knees. It is a spaghetti strap and had off the shoulder sleeves that can be pulled up and cover the spaghetti straps. I have already said, I will safety pin them so there is no risk of them falling either. I am still being told no, and that I need to wear a dress my mother got when she was heavily overweight. I myself used to be overweight, I still struggle with that every day. This dress makes me look like im back at that weight and I feel disgusted wearing it. It also looks like a kind of night dress my grandmother wears to bed. The dress they want me to wear is also severely see through. Im going to this funeral and will be surrounded by people who used to/still do actively make comments about my weight even after ive gotten to a healthy weight for my age and height. And I know people will say "your going to a funerl dress appropriate", the thing is, my dress is more appropriate than this one. As well as, if my uncle (who the funeral is for) ever saw me in this dress, he would laugh, and have his daughters give me different clothes to wear. Because he didn't believe in people wearing something that makes them uncomfortable. He was also the funniest person ever, and would laugh in my parents face for this dress. So, AITA for not wanting to wear the dress im told I need to wear?

EDIT: My dress will not be showing the spaghetti straps. The dress is also very flowly and not form fitting at any spots, the top also goes over my color bones, the back is very long, and the front is just barely above my knees. I am asking if i can wear a shawl or scarf over my arms, and leggings underneath my dress.

EDIT 2: This is a casual outfit funeral. I was told i need to wear a dress, so I said I would wear the one I own, and I was met with being told i need to wear my moms old dress. (She dosent even wear this dress because she has said herself it makes her think back to when she was also overweight)


r/AmItheAsshole • • 2h ago

AITA for refusing to drive my sister to a wedding when she could have taken an Uber?

31 Upvotes

Context: My mom lives out of state, and my sister lives in the state next to mine. My mom is staying at my apartment for a family wedding, while my sister is renting a car and driving in with her boyfriend. They’re staying at a hotel nearby the wedding venue.

I have an extremely contentious relationship with both my mom and my sister. They don’t always get along with each other, either, and my sister and I barely keep in touch.

The wedding venue is about an hour away from my apartment. It’s also open to the public, so parking is extremely limited. I drove my mom and myself to the venue and eventually managed to find a parking spot. By the time cocktail hour started, I was finally settled in and ready to relax.

Then my sister called my mom. Apparently, she and her boyfriend didn’t want to drive to the venue because they planned on drinking. I’m not sure if they didn’t want to pay for an Uber or what their reasoning was, but my mom immediately assumed I would go pick them up.

I was tired and had absolutely no interest in making another trip. For context, I commute an hour and 20 minutes each way to work Monday through Friday, and my days are long. I just wanted to enjoy the wedding.

I told my mom that my sister and her boyfriend could take an Uber. My mom immediately got nasty with me and started arguing. She then told me to give her my car keys so she could go pick them up herself. I refused for several reasons. First, parking was already extremely difficult, and I wasn’t about to give up my spot and risk not finding another one. Second, I found it pretty presumptuous that she expected to use my car when it’s not something she would necessarily reciprocate. But ultimately, it’s my car, and I wasn’t comfortable handing over my keys.

My position was simple: if my sister and her boyfriend wanted to drink, they could arrange their own transportation. I didn’t see why their decision should become my responsibility.

My mom then started calling me names and being incredibly nasty, seemingly determined to ruin my evening. In the end, she offered to pay for my sister’s Uber herself.

What bothers me most is the entitlement. My sister and I barely have a relationship, yet somehow I’m expected to drop what I’m doing and inconvenience myself to make her life easier. My mom also seems to think she can volunteer my time, my car, and my energy without even asking me first.

To me, this is a straightforward adult problem with a straightforward solution: if you want to drink, take an Uber. Nobody was stranded, nobody was in an emergency, and there was no reason I needed to leave the wedding.

So, AITA for refusing to pick up my sister and telling my mom that they needed to figure out their own transportation?