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u/WriteBrainedJR Oct 01 '14
Most guys are pretty freaked out by the idea of sharp objects approaching their junk. That's normal. It's really just a primal fear of not having man-parts anymore, and given the low risks of vasectomy, it's kind of an irrational fear, so not all guys can explain it.
If he also freaked out about a surgery you had on your hand, then freaking out about a tubal is sort of consistent. Then again, for someone who's lying about being childfree to be against sterilization is also consistent.
I would offhandedly say something innocuous like "I wish there was some sort of permanent birth control that didn't require surgery." His reaction will hopefully help you gauge how he feels about sterilization, separately from how he feels about people getting cut open.
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u/CatPatronus Oct 01 '14
Well he really wants that injection that blocks the sperm and is 100% effective. They use it in India... Can't remember the name. But yea I think it's the blade part or the permanent part (even though it's reversible) so idk
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u/SoulLessGinger992 Oct 01 '14
Does he only freak out at sterilization, or is it all medical procedures that involve being cut at all? If it's the latter, he's likely just squeamish about surgery or knives, not necessarily the sterilization part.
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u/CatPatronus Oct 01 '14
He's weird about surgery in general, but I think the sterilization has a part in it. He feels like it'd be a permanent surgery. Idk what he's trying to say :p
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Oct 01 '14
Sounds like Essure or a tubal might be a good option for you. I enjoyed getting my tubal because it was fairly early in my relationship and I knew that even if it didn't work out between us, still no babies for me ever no matter who I ended up with.
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u/facestapler Oct 01 '14
I can sort of understand why he doesn't like the idea of you having surgery. I, too, hate needles, and the idea of injecting someone or stitching them up, even if it is a lifesaving drug or stitches the person needs to survive, makes me nauseous. Objectively, I understand the necessity and have gotten a lot better about needles (I recently had a flu shot and had blood drawn for a physical with a little nervousness and bit down on a pen.), but the idea of causing someone pain that I would not want to experience myself rubs me the wrong way. In a similar fashion, the idea of surgery makes me feel weird. My dad had to have his prostate removed because it was cancerous, and I knew that was necessary, but I still greatly disliked the idea of him having a surgery. These may not be his reasons, but they are examples of why I don't like the idea of myself, my loved ones, or anyone else having surgery performed upon them. I am aware that this is incredibly irrational and entirely emotional, and I am working on it. I even intend to get a vasectomy some day, though the idea fills me with fear.
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u/CatPatronus Oct 01 '14
Yea I talked him into donating blood with me once and he practically had a panic attack. Was scratching at his chest so much he nearly bled. I had no idea how scared he was and I've never met someone who was afraid of needles (I've got tattoos and donate blood regularly) and I felt so bad I don't even ask anymore. He's weird about me mostly with surgery. And his mom but she had cancer so when she goes to the hospital he gets a little worried.
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u/[deleted] Oct 01 '14
Many CF people don't want sterilization for themselves. They don't see the need, are afraid of surgery, the risks (vasectomy does have risks), or just plain don't want it. So that isn't odd at all and I would recommend you stop bringing it up as he clearly doesn't want it and has every right to feel that way.
Now about you getting a tubal, he objects? Why? First, it is your body and your choice so go schedule that consult anyway. Second, his objections to you getting a tubal are red flags (either he is controlling and doesn't think you can make choices about your body or he is actually is a fence sitter and is unsure about closing that door). This is a huge issue that you need to clear up ASAP.