I’m so fucking fed up with this whole wedding planning process.
Four months into our engagement and all we have is a mere date and one minor supplier. I keep reminding him that we should book suppliers as early as possible to lock in current prices. I even set up a Google Calendar so we could have a designated, intentional time to discuss all things wedding-related. Unfortunately, this was never followed because of "all the other stuff" that keeps getting in the way (for him).
I love weddings. The ambiance, the vibe, the smiles, the tears, and witnessing the love of two people as they become one. It’s such a sacred, special, and heartwarming event. Prior to getting engaged, I’d already saved a few inspirations of what my dream wedding would look like—the possible venues, churches, first dance, even down to last-minute preparation tips. I did all of this so that when our engagement era came, we wouldn't be starting completely from scratch.
However, I feel like none of this matters when 1/2 of the “couple” isn't exerting the effort to even just show up. And I wonder why. Kasal niya rin naman ‘to. Hindi lang ako. I’m not even asking him to coordinate everything. I’m literally just asking for his thoughts and opinions so we can make these choices together. But no, he’s nowhere. Physically with me, but mentally somewhere else. And then I begin to reflect—maybe the dream wedding is not about how the flowers are arranged, how the tables are set, or how the program flows—maybe the dream wedding is simply to have a groom who genuinely cares.
I even started to wonder if he truly wanted to marry me in the first place. Because after being together for 10 years, I never pressured him into getting down on one knee (even if the people around us did the exact opposite). True enough, he was never pressured. Rather, it was me who was. Where I am now is such an ironic place to be. I love weddings, but he has made me hate something that I used to love. Or maybe it is him that I learned to hate.
- A