It has been approximately 5 hours since losing all Wifi.
I first became aware of this impending doom via a notification from my Ring Doorbell app alerting me that it was offline. Initially, I just thought the damned thing was being temperamental so I attempted a hard reboot. Nothing. Surely it's not the my beloved internet service I pay so much for...
I went through all of the troubleshooting steps to attempt to reconnect as I have them memorized by now. Nothing. I eventually found my plight so profound, I began tinkering with the box that is crookedly mounted to and screwed through my vinyl siding with screws longer than a line at 7Brwww. Still, nothing. I screamed. I yawped. I caved.
It was the worst hold music ever. I was no longer patiently waiting. I paced around, pet my kitties, checked the modem lights 52 times until finally, a static voice came on the other line. I couldn't tell if it was an accent or a crappy VoIP connection, but they could not simply understand my misery. I ended the call. I wailed.
I found myself lost in a trance by the single flashing modem lights as I sat, blankly staring and defeated until my focus was broken by my phone's vibration. A service interruption? A larger service issue? I wanna know how much they paid some PR person to vomit such a corporate response. I searched the outage portion of their website. 4AM is oddly specific...this was either planned or some idiot spilled their coffee on the fiber mainframe. Either way, we are all doomed.
Buckle up Springfield, this might be worse than Snowmageddon, The Great Sky Ice Bombing (The Out of State Contractor Invasion '26), or Straight Line Wind-A-Palooza '25 (thanks, mother nature for the unsolicited yard work). I look forward to seeing your posts alerting all of Reddit that brightspeed is back up, even though we all have been frantically checking like madmen.
I don't know what to do with myself. I definitely did NOT sign up for the Springfield Pioneer experience.
Edit: I found a DVD player in the depths of my garage. Does anyone remember how to connect these things? I only have the red cable with it.