I want him back so badly but he doesn’t want me. Can someone bitch slap me back into reality?

This might be a lesbian exclusive experience but I'd be interested to know if this happens to normal people too. I live in a mid sized college town that is otherwise kind of in the middle of nowhere. Why the hell is every woman in the surrounding area married and doing enm??? I thought this was a big city type of activity. Why are they on regular dating apps for this? That's such a specific niche that I'm betting 99% of people have no interest in getting involved in. Youd think they'd have a separate app for this and not pollute the general ones. It's so frustrating to constantly see a pretty woman with similar interests and then see "poly and partnered" in her bio. I just feel like they likely have a very low success rate and simultaneously make the experience worse for everyone else.

I'm 6 months out of a long term relationship, maybe this is just how it is now. Tips on meeting standard lesbians who don't have a husband appreciated.

i don’t even know what to think or do

I wanna start by saying that I am still a leftist and I am not a conservative, and I do not want to make light of things like racism or transphobia. However I went to a very liberal college during the peak woke period and Covid and I have some horror stories and I think I am permanently deranged from this period of my life where I still constantly think about everything I do and say through the lens of my roommate who called herself an anarcho communist but had millionaire parents. I was wondering if anyone wanted to share crazy things they said or did or witnessed during this time (2015-2022)? It’s nice to look back on these moments and laugh. For example, I would run my instagram infographic reposts by my roommate who was also a white woman to make sure I was not going to offend anyone under the sun. Sometimes she would tell me that my use of the term “hustle culture” was offensive and I was not allowed to use that “h” word. Someone at my college created an instagram account to “call out” students who were not wearing a Covid mask on campus by posting their photo. I could fill a book but I’d like to hear other people’s experiences too.

What’s up with that? In my conscious mind I believe that being underweight is miserable and unhealthy, that maintaining perfect bleached hair & manicures is a waste of time and lowkey anti-feminist, that I wouldn’t trade my current mental peace for the confusion & chaos of youth in a million years, and that those matching sets look tacky. I think beauty standards are a prison and I am happily married so it’s not like I feel pressure to cater to the male gaze anyway. But whenever I see these perfect pink Pilates princess type girls it’s like physically painful and I instantly start feeling like the hunchback of Notre Dame oof ouchie I’m being mogged!!!! Wtf!

The ones who think their barista is flirting with them because she's pretty and being nice (because it's her job).

I got a new dermatologist and he's nice, hot and Irish. Asked me about my accent and we talked about our home countries and he laughed at my jokes.

Went to see an osteopath, also a nice hot man. He also asked me about my accent, laughed at my jokes, we had a nice conversation.

You cannot convince me these men aren't in love with me

The older I get, the more I love academia. I hated high school but I’m actually studying something I like in college, and have been meeting so many cool people lately. A lot of my peers just seem more interesting to hang out with and less prone to saying dumb nazi/anti-intellectual shit. I’m in the midwest and when I’m not in school, I notice that many non-college adults here have atrocious personalities and say the dumbest shit ever. Like, I know this suburban family that doesn’t believe in sunscreen. They swear by vaseline for UV protection and are convinced that sunscreen causes cancer and is shilled by big pharma. My sister is cool, but her husband is a college dropout far right winger with multiple duis. Hanging out with them sucks, because he’s ALWAYS ranting about the left. He has no personality outside of politics and gets fired from all his jobs.

I’m so glad I’m back in college now. I want to leave this place when I graduate and move to one of the coasts.

I think all education should be free, fyi

Half of the posts of men struggling to date in here can be solved with this. If you have autism or something similar, even just suspected, date another autist. Don't even bother with neurotypicals, the majority of them will see you as subhuman for failing to follow their unspoken social rules. Most incels problem is exactly this, in fact three of the biggest incels I ever met where all above 6'3 and average/above average, they just were very autistic. Accept your autism and marry an autist. I'm a woman and married an autist and I adore him more than life and I think he feels the same about me.

He was the kindest, most caring, gentlest, sweet, goofiest soul. I know he still technically “is” but right now this drug has buttfucked his personality and empathy into oblivion. He is unrecognizable. I am heartbroken and confused and grieving. 

Over the last year he started sleeping more on his days off, later and later and later until he eventually was sleeping till 7pm a huge chunk of the time. He was less interested in doing stuff with me, or doing anything. He was losing his spark, he was really becoming a shell of himself. This was chalked up to being a bat manager at a music venue where he’d routinely work until 4am (I know I knoooow- I was told time and time again he was the only person with their head on straight there.) and undiagnosed sleep apnea which he probably does have even if he gave it to himself via the coke. I started becoming intensely frustrated that he neglected to get any iota of medical attention for this “sleep apnea” and we started becoming more distant. I never suspected drugs, this dude doesn’t even smoke weed. 

In mid March, this all came to a head. Or the start of one. He hurt my feelings, and then it was like I was dealing with his evil twin. 180 degree behavior change. Yeah he had been more “tired and checked out” but now he was playing the greatest hits of insane communication- wild deflection, wild projection, wild confusion. I dated a superfiend cokehead for 5 months when I was in my early twenties and I thought he had a humungous personality disorder- but now I firmly believe that if you do coke long enough and hard enough you just fully come off that way. There were times during this few months where my body felt identically insane as it did dealing with this ex.    

My gut was obviously on fireeeeee dude shoutout to my gut and sorry for doubting you, queen. This “rough patch” never really ended. We’d never even had a “rough patch” though. Ups and downs and arguments definitely, but there was always repair and nothing stacked on top of itself. Until recently, this was the most beautiful and secure and true partnership I’d experienced in my life. I will miss it so dearly and I can’t believe it’s over. I’d do so many things differently if I had the chance to go back, no matter his betrayal. 

In late May we went on a weeklong trip with my family and we actually had a blast. It felt like old times. I was thinking maybe we just needed to take a vacation after all. But a few days into being back, it started feeling weird as fuck again. I was nearly certain he was having some kind of emotional affair. 

Mid June he spent the night at his dads after his little sister’s graduation. That night I found out he had $22,000 in maxed out credit card debt, correspondence with National Debt Relief, rocket money summaries with the top transaction for the last few months being Apple Cash transfers of $80 (11 times in April, idk what was purchased with actual cash). I saw a Venmo to a 58 year old hag demon man for the same amount. I literally wondered if he was some kind of gay reverse sugar baby (daddy?)

I confronted him. I gave him a chance to be honest about the debt. He lied. I said yo, you’re lying. He tried to lie more. Said the old man gave him a loan for his debt. I said yo, you’re s still lying. 5 g’s of the debt had been added since March, and I had never even heard of this man, and no loan gets paid back that way. He wouldn’t just show me his Apple Cash, he was laying in bed and said he was too tired to show me. After much pleading, like a fuckin hour, he finally admits to being secretly addicted to cocaine, since like three years ago. He does it all through his work shift then would come home and just suffer through the down afterwards till he’d go back to work. As with any addiction, I’ll never know the full truth at all. 

Since then, it’s been a living nightmare. He’s even more unrecognizable than he was before. He missed my birthday. He swings wildly from saying that i actually have always sucked and am the worst, then ignoring me for a week, then being loving and apologetic and then ignoring me again for a week. He’s been living at his dads house, who is a massively douchey defense attorney for the worst men imaginable and thinks I’m a piece of shit based off nonsense his coke addled son has told him about me.

I’m paying full rent but his name is on the lease so I can’t get his shit out of here. 

I’m the only person in his life who’s entire reality has been upended by this revelation, so of course I induce mass amounts of shame and guilt and discomfort in him so of course he can’t fucking speak to me.

Anyways, that’s my sad tale. I am so fucking sad. He’s probably fucking stupid art hoe cokehead bitches and getting chlamydia while I sit here surrounded by his stupid objects. I love him so much. We spoke every single day for four years since our first date, and now he won’t talk to me at all while he posts 27 Instagram stories in one sitting.

“my exclusive situationship of six years has recently given me a mouth ulcer via his bad hygiene. He stinks of mould and mildew. I have literal cancer. And he pisses the bed. Here is my tuna salad.”

“I’m so depressed. Here’s my crackers and cheese today. Why does my husband sleep with my sister? Btw I’m not gonna leave him.”

“I have chronic pain, no arms, no legs, no friends, no money and no job. My limbs fall off when I sleep, and my temporarily non committed long distance non verbal poly partner has decided to open our relationship. Here’s pasta.”

“❤️❤️❤️OP isn’t asking for any advice❤️❤️❤️!”

So I’m supposed to, what?… ? Literally what do you want from me when you post that?

they’re such a cute couple to me idc.

This is probably gonna scare the age appropriate hoes but like omg old men (40+) that are “progressive” are literally my type. I’m 20 and every time I say this to my friends, they think I’m joking and they jokingly agree but like im dead serious. I’ve always been into older guys but I’ve also been too socially aware to go for that because I didn’t wanna be a victim. But as I get older, the possibility of actually being involved with a man that old is getting higher and It’s kinda scary because like omg what sane 40 year old is going to want to be with a 20 year old!?!

I was at work today and there was this fine ass man that came in, he was literally wearing bermuda shorts and a shirt. And we talked for like ten minutes about random shit (politics got brought up!?!?) and that was the most excited I’ve gotten over talking to a man in the past 2 years. Am I cooked. Also I genuinely dont even know how to flirt with them💔

Not a litmus test for what counts for this/won't be judging that. Genuinely just in the mood to hear stories or anything from anyone who feels they've lived in a truly unusual (like statistically rare, uncommon, not necessarily "alternative" in a cultural sense) way for any significant period of time.

Edit: thank you so much to everyone who has commented so far! I've learned more new things and heard more new perspectives today/in one day than in a long, long time, maybe ever. Appreciate you all :)

24f, have only really smoked weed and did nitrous once I guess. Never had a plug or anything bc idk how to do that. Drugs feel like such a game of knowing people. I used to party a lot in college but never got offered coke or anything so maybe I’m just a chop hoe

Edit: omg not saying I want to be an addict. I just want to feel a part of the Culture, how is this so different from the many other drug posts on this sub

It sucks that I have to work 40 hours a week. Can't imagine raising a kid and telling them they'll need to do the same, wtf. I didn't even ask to be here myself. No way I'm subjecting another soul to this. I was really hit by that Chinese kid video I saw recently. Basically, the gist was that the kid was crying doing homework. He's like 8 years old, and the mother is recording him as he says he's going to be a wageslave when he grows up, and the mom is just saying insane shit like, "You'll become rich and make a lot of money," and it was just so depressing.

Idk, man. Despite all the bad, I still think life is awesome for myself, despite work and all that is going on, and I take the simple joys in life. But I already exist, so it's kinda like whatever. I could never be suicidal personally, b/c I'm already here anyways, aren't I? What's the point of shortening my already short time? Let's just see what happens. But I couldn't do that myself to someone that doesn't exist.

I come across this type of guy a lot on the apps. I'll ask what they're currently reading and what's their favorite book and their response makes it clear they picked two of the only books they could name. "I just finished The Great Gatsby, and now Im reading The Art of War🔥🔥🔥"

Yeah ok buddy.

is truly staggering. And I mean men in their 30s, no job, living with their parents, looking to date as if they could afford it. Or god forbid a ‘content creator’ (officially no longer seeking employment)

Edit: it’s honestly incredible that this post is getting me called a prostitute, heartless, cruel etc, as if I’m saying I’d leave a husband of 20 years because they lost a job. having a job is a very very low bar to have when dating sorry!

I stopped shaving last year. I started with growing out my bush for the first time, and I just loved it. The guy I was seeing at the time loved it, and that was the first time I’d experienced a man being attracted to hair on my body. I felt womanly. But when I decided to start taking him seriously I shaved- it’s what I did with my last ex. Regularly waxed and kept up a routine. But when he saw me shaved, he didn’t like it. Mostly I think, he could sense I did it in an attempt to impress him- and it was more hot when I was being myself. I believe if I was shaving, but it felt like a reflection of my personal style, he’d have liked that, too (same way red lipstick or hoop skirts are actually really cool on the right people).

I haven’t been with any men in a while, and ive stopped shaving entirely. Leg hair, pits.

I feel less pretty now when I shave once in a blue moon. I want to start trying out dating again and feel pressure to shave my underarms but…. I really don’t want to and it feels forced. Like, unbecoming and silly. But another part of me knows this is really not a popular opinion, and it might limit my dating pool in a way I wouldn’t like.

Pretty much what the headline says but some extra info, he was 33 i was 21 (I know, I know), i found him on insta (through a common acquaintance) after we already slept together and dmed him because i wanted to be brave , he never replied and several months later he blocked me

Edit: either way he can’t uneat my pussy

- when somebody is giving you his number and instead of expecting you to pull out your phone to type it in your contacts, he just hands you a card

- when he pulls out a moleskine instead of his notes app to take notes in a meeting

- my friend who sends a proper invitation in the mail for every single event he hosts, even if it's just a casual backyard barbecue that weekend

absolute king shit

I feel like it’s the ultimate compliment, I’ve always thought it, even as a child. Someone risking everything to kidnap you seems romantic

I don’t understand why people always harp on about how a man needs to last a long time in the bedroom. Every time that happens to me I get OFFENDED. Like am I not sexy enough for you to bust immediately? I recently hooked up with this dude and less than a minute after taking my panties off he came. He kept apologizing but I was like damn I must be irresistible, thanks guy! Afterwards he went down on me than we fucked again, so it’s not like I got less pleasure out of it. Unless we’ve been married a decade, if a guy is taking over 20 minutes to splooge I start getting seriously low self esteem tbh. Any other girlies feel this way?

And now at the ripe age of 29, I am that woman. Beautiful, strong, sexy, charasmatic and intelligent. Yet, it seems like men don’t like me……

Often im told its because I am all of these things that I naturally wont attract a lot of men because men prefer someone a bit less intimidating and approachable.

But its bizzare HOW LITTLE men I attract. And I do a LOT of different activities and have lots of hobbies (im in the art world). Yet…..

Ladies pls give me some hope or advice on how to feel sexy nonetheless. Or maybe even how to stop moping over little male attention.