Namatay yung Ate ko 5 months ago and during the wake, may nagshare na kaya pala nung araw na yun, yung ambulance (na may lulan sa kanya) ay mabilis ang takbo at nag over speeding na siguro.

Sa probinsiya kasi nangyari ito na nag iisa lng ang ambulansiya kaya dinig na dinig kapag may siren. Minsan nga, ginagawa pang joke na baka lasing yung driver kaya gumegewang gewang na yung ambulance. At coincidentally, talagang may hangover nga daw yung driver that day pero thankful kami dahil talagang binigay pa din niya best niya na madala si Ate sa hospital.

Sadly, base sa kwento ni bayaw a few meters na lng sila sa hospital nafeel na niya na wala na si Ate and true enough declared DOA na siya pagdating nila sa hospital.

After ko madinig yung kwento na yun and until now, everytime na makarinig ako ng ambulance siren, napapakislot ako kasi naalala ko na naman si Ate, thinking na may isa na namang pasyente na baka nag aagaw buhay. I just utter a silent prayer na sana, whoever is in that ambulance, maka abot sa hospital at mabigyan ng isa pang pagkakataon.

Kagaya ngayon, habang stuck ako sa traffic dito sa Metro Manila, may dumaan na ambulance. Buti na lng medyo maluwag sa kabilang side. Kung sino ka man, sana makaabot kayo sa hospital ng maayos at mabigyan ka ng isa pang pagkakataon sa buhay.

skl cause i kind of don’t wanna share this with anyone, not even my friends/fam haha, magkaka increase kami effective dec 1—mine will be from 28k to 45k :)

my starting rate was 26k. when i got the job offer, i thought it was already okay bc my friend said 25k should be enough for a fresh grad here in mnl. once i got in, i found out that i had the lowest salary in our batch cause i didn’t negotiate. in my defense, i said my expected salary was 25k, and when i saw they offered 26k, i was already happy with it (i was also hungover during the JO lolz cause it was an unexpected interview during my trip). when i learned that my workmates’ salaries were 27-30k, i was kinda nanghihinayang cause imagine the money i could’ve saved haha (although im happy with the money i was able to save)

anyway, fast forward to regularization after 6months, our increases were just ranging from 1-4k. i got a 2k increase, so that brought my basic pay to 28k. again, there’s that thought that if only my starting rate had been higher than 26k, then i could’ve gotten a higher increase this time haha but it is what it is.

now we just found out that we will have a promotion + (my first year) annual increase.. assuming we also got a salary adjustment cause the new hires’ rates were 30-40k when they got in. my basic salary will now change from 28k to 45k :D (expectation met) but there goes that never-ending thought again hahahaha cause my workmate’s salary went from 31k to 47k (and i swear this isn’t even about performance cause i had more outputs than them) but i just think on the bright side that i actually got a big increase compared to them; it’s just that my starting rate was lower haha anyway, the good news is i got an increase and i have no one to talk about it with haha.

2026 was not a good year for employees.
the AI revolution lead to millions of unemployment.
the war in iran caused the oil price hikes and this
lead to most companies issuing Freeze on hiring.

Job hunting has never been so difficult.
as of now i have a 25k salary its enough for a single guy
but it wont be enough if i still want to get married.

i have never been in a serious relationship for the reason that i am not financially ready, i dont demand or offer commitment. "DATING TO MARRY" sounds good to hear but it does have some requirements. i need to be ready when i meet the right person. I also need to be the right person and i dont think i would be the one if my salary wont improve.

Money is not a requirement for love but it sure is needed to raise a family. and i still want to be a providing husband and give my wife a CHOICE to continue on her career or be a stay at home wife.

currently i am just waiting for 13month pay, christmas bonus, leave conversions.
hopefully, i will be able to find a better job next year.

tuwing may gatherings, lagi nalang akong nasasabihan ng ganito ng mga older relatives/family friends. kung hindi lang dahil kaclose ko yung celebrant, hindi ako pupunta.

about me: 27, never had a bf, never had anyone court me. work and graduate studies prio ko today.

my cousins, ages 19-23 all have bfs. ilang taon narin sila in a rs.

nasabihan pa ako na tatanda akong dalaga - ofcourse i have thought about this before sa tagal kong nagiintay. pero i know i'm deserving of love and loving, kaya i'm not rushing kasi i know God has plans for me. hindi ko rin binababa standards ko just for the sake of having a jowa.

kinocompare na nga pagdating sa narating sa buhay, pati ba naman dito? karera na ba pakikipagrelasyon ngayon? matatanda nga naman.

Today is my birthday, and honestly, I don't know how to feel about it.

I live alone, come from a broken family, and I'm single. Most of my friends have their own families now, and I understand that everyone is busy trying to survive and figure out their own lives.

I'm not expecting anyone to celebrate with me, buy me gifts, or make a big deal out of my birthday. A simple greeting would've been enough. Just a little reminder that someone remembered I exist.

But I got none.

I spent the entire day sleeping. I couldn't afford to celebrate my birthday, and even if I could, I probably wouldn't have celebrated anyway. There's something different about spending your birthday alone when you have no one to look forward to seeing, no one to share a meal with, and no one to make the day feel a little less ordinary.

What hurts is that I know people have their own lives, and I don't want to make anyone feel obligated to remember me. But I can't help wondering if I really am that insignificant in their lives. Do I leave so little impact on people that not even one person remembers my birthday?

And it made me think about something that has always saddened me: sometimes, it feels like the only time people collectively remember you, talk about you, and express how much you meant to them is when you're already gone.

People will write long tributes, share pictures, recall memories, and say how much they'll miss you. But while you're alive, struggling quietly and trying your best to get through each day, nobody seems to notice.

Why are we like this? Why do we wait until it's too late to make people feel appreciated?

I'm not saying my friends are bad people. I know life gets busy. Maybe they simply forgot. Maybe birthdays aren't as important to them as they are to me. I understand all of that.

But I think a part of me was still hoping that someone would remember without being reminded.

I hate admitting this because I don't want to sound needy or desperate for attention. I just want to feel remembered. I want to feel like my existence means something to someone, even in the smallest way.

Maybe it's the birthday blues talking, but today made me feel lonelier than usual.

I don't need a grand celebration. I just wish someone had thought of me today.

Anyway, I'm another year older now. I'll probably wake up tomorrow, go back to my usual routine, and pretend today didn't hurt as much as it did.

I guess that's life sometimes.

Happy birthday to me.

Tonight, my father is on his deathbed. Hindi na makakain, makausap, at makakilala.

Dumaan sa prostate cancer, naoperahan, pero tuluyang nanghina.

Pero wala akong nararamdamang pangamba.

Hindi ko kayang humagulgol dahil sigurado akong hindi ko kakayanin. Mas pinipili kong maging matatag habang nagpapalipas ng gabi sa mga sandaling matagal nang sumasagi sa isip ko.

Pasensiya ka na tay, hindi kita masamahan gayong gabi. Hindi ako makauwi nang basta-basta. Hating gabi ako umalis noon sa bahay, lumabas ka at nagpunta sa tabing ilog para magpahangin. Alam kong nahirapan ka na tanggapin na aalis ako para mangibang bansa pero alam ko na masaya ka dahil unti-unti ay nakikita mo na nagkakaroon ako ng magandang buhay.

Hindi ako sumuko na gumawa ng paraan para gumaling ka sa sakit mo. Alam ko na lumaban ka rin para sa amin.

Salamat.

anay talaga sa pamilya ang sugal. hinampas niya company laptop nakita ko yung kulay green sa lcd ng ilang seconds.

dalawang taon na ata kami sumusuway sa pagsusugal niya. may utang siya kaya nagloan kami para mabayaran to kaya strict sa pera. feeling niya tinapakan pagkatao niya kasi binibigyan nalang namin siya ng allowance at cc for grocery. kahit anong bilhin niya gamit ang cc, ok lang talaga. kaso gusto niya ng pera, aside sa sugal, binibigyan pa niya mga kapatid niyang linta. ngayong gabi lang, pinagalitan ko siya pano ba naman kasi pumunta ng patago sa kanto para bigyan ng pera kapatid niyang nagtatantrum pag di napagbigyan ng pera. 50 yo na.

galit siya sa amin kasi palagi nalang daw siyang napapagalitan, sumasakit na raw dibdib niya. di na namin alam anong gagawin namin, ilang plano na ginawa namin na di siya nakikinig.

hindi siya sanay hindi magarbo ang lifestyle. kaming magkakapatid tinitipid niya habang siya yung feeling prinsesa. tinanggap nalang namin yun buong buhay namin basta hindi na siya magsusugal.

nung nakaraan hindi niya nabayaran ang kuryente na 20k, binigyan ulit tas nawala, then ako na nagbayad for the third time sa kuryente. hindi niya iniisip na may binabayaran kaming utang, para sa kanya nababayaran naman. ilang beses pang nawala ang pambayad for this and that month, kaya kami ng kuya ko laging nagpapanic para mag pool ng pera.

umiiyak siya ngayon (stage of grief siguro) kasi sino daw nanay dito sa pilipinas na binibigyan lang ng cc at konting allowance? gusto niya humawak ng pera. tangina lang, daming minimum wagers magduduty pa sa umaga at may aalagaan pang mga anak sa gabi. sarili nalang sana niya iisipin niya.

hindi na namin ramdam na may nanay kami, hindi rin niya ramdam na may mga anak siya. shes manipulative af, and not the same mother we used to know. puro nalang siya, ako ako ako.

So ayun sobrang lakas ng flow ko and kahit nakapads ako, nag-leak siya sa bed sheet ng boyfriend ko. Worst of all, tumagos siya hanggang sa casing mismo ng foam pero hindi naman nag penetrate thru the foam itself.

Siyempre I felt so ashamed and angry with myself pero he did not really mind and assured me na hindi siya upset. Siyempre, I offered to hand wash the sheets and yung casing pero it was one of the moments na na-realize ko na may nagmamahal sakin unconditionally.

After almost two decades of hating myself and thinking kung meron bang totoong magmamahal at tatanggap sakin, my boyfriend really made me feel like I am worthy.

He respects me naman as my own person, he lets me be an empowered woman, does not hinder my potential—in fact he encourages me kahit wala akong bilib sa sarili ko most of the time and I already appreciate those th in ngs pero narealize ko pagdating pala sa ugly, messy, dirty, dark, etc. na sides ng relationship, dun ko talaga makikita if my better half will stick with me through highs and lows.

He showed me na when the party is over, kapag wala nang taong kaharap, kapag I'm not in my best state, as in yung barest form ko, he accepts me for me and I will do the same to him.

Kulang kami ng isa para makapag-queue, kaya ako ang pinagcha-chat nila sa VALO PH kasi babae raw ako at mas madaling makahanap ng +1. May pumasok na random, and we thought na after one game na talo, aalis na siya kasi ganon naman usually ang mga sumasali sa amin. Matalo lang, alis na agad. But this time, iba ang nahanap namin. Kahit ilang beses kaming matalo, hindi siya umalis. Mabait siya, maayos mag-comms, at hindi naninisi kahit pangit ang gameplay ko.

After ng game namin, in-add ko siya, para may makalaro rin ako kapag hindi online ang friends ko. Hindi niya agad ako in-accept, so akala ko hindi ko na siya makakalaro ulit. Pagka-online ko kinabukasan, saka niya pa lang ako in-accept. Hindi ko rin naman siya maaya ulit kasi tuwing tapos na kaming maglaro ng friends ko, saka pa lang siya nag-o-online. Hindi ako nakikipag-duo maliban sa friends ko kasi hindi talaga ako confident sa tutok, at once in a blue moon lang talagang maayos ang laro ko.

Once time na tapos na akong maglaro with friends kasi hindi naman sila nagpupuyat. That time, gusto ko pa sanang maglaro kasi hindi pa naman ako inaantok. Sakto namang online siya, at nasa mood pa akong maglaro, so naglakas-loob akong tanungin siya kung okay lang ba sa kanya na makipag-duo sa akin kasi wala nang online sa friends ko.

He said yes.

Tinanong ko siya kung may smurf account siya kasi ayokong matalo ang main account niya dahil sa akin. Sakin naman, walang issue kung matalo, basta may kalaro ako kasi I only play for fun. Sabi niya, okay lang din naman daw matalo kasi hindi na siya naghahabol ng rank tulad ng dati. Pero pinilit ko pa rin siyang magpalit ng account.

Hindi kami masyadong nagko-comms noong una. Purely about the game lang talaga ang pinag-uusapan namin, at nahihiya pa ako sa kanya non. Pero after ng pang-apat na game namin, nag-decide kaming magchikahan na rin kasi hindi ako masyadong sanay na sobrang tahimik habang naglalaro.

Fast-forward, naging close kami. Ilang beses pa kaming naglaro bago niya ako tanungin kung may DC ba ako. Discord lang naman yon, hindi mismong social media, kaya nag-exchange kami ng accounts. Doon na nagsimulang maging madalas ang aya namin sa isa’t isa para maglaro.

Nung medyo close na kami, tinanong niya kung ako raw ba yung Aoi sa TikTok. Nag-u-upload kasi ako minsan ng videos kapag nasa mood ako. Natawa ako, tapos sabi ko lang, “Ah, dumaan ba sa feed mo?”

Oo raw. Tawang-tawa raw siya sa ibang content ko. Hindi pa nga raw siya sure kung ako talaga yon. Familiar lang daw kasi ang boses. Simula raw non, nagho-hope na siyang makalaro ulit kami kasi magaan lang daw akong kalaro, hindi tulad ng iba na sobrang competitive.

Noong nagtanungan kami tungkol sa age namin, nagulat kami kasi pareho naming akala na magka-age lang kami. He didn’t sound young, and sabi naman niya, hindi rin daw ako mukhang 26.

After two or three weeks ata, he confessed. Tinawanan ko siya, tapos sabi ko, “Ganyan ba talaga kayong mga lalaki? May makausap lang na babae, aamin agad na gusto niyo na? Ganyan ka ba sa lahat ng babaeng nakikilala mo?”

Direct to the point ako, so sinabi ko sa kanya na hindi ako papatol sa kanya kasi he’s too young for me. Hindi naman daw ako si Apple David na papatol sa bata kasi pang-settle na ang hanap ko. Hindi naman daw siya umaasa. He just wanted to be honest, at in-expect naman daw niya na ganoon talaga ang isasagot ko.

Pero sinabi ko sa kanya na pwede pa rin naman kaming maglaro dahil kaibigan na rin ang tingin ko sa kanya.

In-expect ko na lilipas din naman ang feelings niya at baka nabibigla lang siya dahil may napag-o-openan siya, kaya akala niya gusto niya talaga ako. But as time passed, mas lalo pa kaming naging close.

One time, tinawagan niya ako habang nagtatrabaho siya. He’s a photographer. Syempre, medyo kinilig ang ate mo kasi hindi ko naman naranasan ang ganito sa mga naging ex ko. Kapag busy sila, they would forget about me. To the point na hindi nila maaalalang mag-update o magbigay man lang ng heads-up para sabihin sa akin na magiging busy sila throughout the day.

And this time, alam na rin namin ang social media accounts ng isa’t isa kasi I trusted him by then.

Dumating ang time na na-realize kong kailangan ko nang i-distance ang sarili ko sa kanya kasi he was getting too attached na. Naisip ko rin na hindi na rin ito mabuti para sa kanya, so I said things that would hurt him just to make him hate me. I blocked him on all my social media accounts para tumigil na siya sa pagkontak sa akin kasi gusto kong mag-explore siya instead of wasting his time liking me. Halos sa akin na kasi umiikot ang mundo nya.

He even came here sa city para makipag-ayos sa akin. Ayaw daw niyang mawala ang communication namin. Nakalimutan kong i-block siya sa business page ko, kaya nag-message siya ron noong nakarating na siya dito.

I met him kasi nakonsensiya ako. Sinabi ko sa kanya na wag na niyang uulitin yon kasi ayoko ng ganoon at lalo lang akong naiinis kapag ginagawa niya iyon. He asked if I could unblock him. Hindi raw siya uuwi hangga’t naka-block siya sa akin, so I unblocked him.

Consistent pa rin siya sa pagme-message, but I was cold towards him. I barely replied, and sinabi ko sa kanya na wala na akong pakialam. Nalungkot siya nung sinabi ko yon sa kanya, pero syempre, nalulungkot din naman ako.

He didn’t message me anymore after that.

October 1 ang last repost niya. Nacurious ako kung kumusta na ang buhay niya, so I stalked him since mutuals na kami sa social media.

Pagka-search ko sa Facebook niya, my world fell apart.

He’s dead.

I felt so guilty kasi sobrang sama ng ugali ko sa kanya just to make him go away. Akala ko, pareho lang kaming nagbibiro kapag sinasabi namin sa isa’t isa na mamamatay na kami at malapit na ang katapusan namin. Pero totoo pala yung sa kanya. When we met, nahalata ko nang may mali sa kanya, kasi may red patches sa lips and gums nya. Tinanong ko sya, pero sabi nya, inalis lang daw nya palit-balat sa labi nya kaya nagkaganon. I had my doubts, but I never asked again.

He never told me that he had cancer.

Sobrang laki ng regret ko kasi I should’ve done better. Sana ginabayan ko sya bilang ate niya instead of saying hurtful things just to make him go away. Sobrang sakit sa pakiramdam na nawala syang iniisip niyang galit ako sa kanya.

Until now, I can’t sleep well knowing how I treated someone who was already running out of time. I keep thinking about the things I could’ve done differently and the words I wish I hadn’t said.

I should have known better, but I guess this is something I’ll regret for as long as I’m alive.

i feel like the world is rejecting me.

for context, i’m a fresh graduate who has been applying for jobs and it’s been a month now. my friend referred me to his workplace—already got a confirmation that the hr will schedule me for an initial interview. friend received that email last october 15 but until now wala pa rin ako naririnig from them. the heartbreaking part is, madami akong nabasa na people who applied after me na nai-contact nila within 3 days and yung iba same day nga lang. sent my resume to another institution but still no response up to this day then nabasa ko kahapon meron silang nireplyan to schedule for an initial interview. meron pa last friday. i had an interview and they told me ill hear the next steps monday this week. monday came i waited the whole day only to find them posting “hiring” for the position i interviewed for. another employer sent me a message on monday asking if i was still interested in the position i applied for. i said “yes” but no replies until now.

sinusubukan kong labanan yung thought na baka karma ko to after rejecting my first offer (the salary is too low, no benefits, no pay raise upon regularization) but what if it is? 😅 natatakot ako na baka hindi na ako ma-accept sa any applications ko after it. ang sakit lang kasi i know i have been exerting so much effort to tailor my resume based on their qualifications, i prepare well, and i know i can do so much more if i’m only given a chance.

pero siguro nga hindi ko pa oras hehe rant lang bago lumaban ulit 🤗

Tonight is our last night here in our apartment unit. We’ve lived here for over four years, and I never thought leaving a place we’ve called home for so long would feel this bittersweet.

My partner and I made so many memories here. We treated this little unit as our own home. We bought furniture and appliances that fit just right, cooked our meals, cleaned every corner, decorated our space, and explored the neighborhood. I’ll miss those spontaneous night walks to look for food whenever we ran out of food in the fridge, the days spent working from home, and all the little moments that made this place feel like ours. Looking back, it wasn’t just an apartment. It was home.

But life moves forward, and now that we have a one-year-old son, we have to make a change. With no one to look after him whenever me and my partner needs to report to work on the same day , we’ve decided to relocate somewhere closer to our relatives for convenience and support.

As much as we look forward to this new chapter, leaving this place still comes with a little sadness. It’s hard to say goodbye to a place that has been part of our lives for over four years, a place that witnessed so many ordinary days that turned into precious memories.

We’ll miss this unit, the neighborhood, the convenience, and the life we built here. Though we may be leaving the place behind, all the memories we made will always have a special place in our hearts.

A little bittersweet, but that’s life. Some places are only meant to be part of our journey for a season, yet they leave us with memories that last a lifetime.

And now, on to the next phase.

So ayun, kailangan ko lang ilabas dahil wala kong mapagsabihan. Nahulog na talaga ko sa dati kong boss (nalipat na ko sa ibang department ngayon).

Single naman yun, sigurado ko dahil matagal na siya sa opisina; alam ng lahat na single siya, at madaming supportive kung sakali raw na kami magkatuluyan. Sobrang vibes din kasi kami, maayos sa trabaho, madaming common interests at challenges at stress na nalagpasan together (lalo na sa work at sa mga atribidang kawork).

Di ko lang talaga maamin kasi ayoko ng hassle at naniniwala rin akong hindi magandang paghaluin ang trabaho at landian lol. But deep inside feeling ko hindi naman talaga niya ko gusto, sobrang mixed signals lang natatanggap ko. Alam mo yung feeling na di naman ako pipillin neto, ano to baliw? bat ako maghihintay e ang mixed signal e signal na mismo. Sobrang sakit kaso gusto ko na to matapos, gusto ko na lang maging honest sa sarili ko na oo gusto ko na talaga pero di naman ako gusto, tama na. Nahihiya na rin ako sa sarili ko kasi malamang ako lang naman nag-iisip ng iba haha.

Ngayon, tinatry ko na umiwas (mga two weeks na, yehey!). Unless tungkol sa trabaho, hindi na ko nakikipag-usap. Sobrang hirap lang talaga, ang bigat lagi ng dibdib ko, naluluha talaga ko tuwing umuuwi after office. Nasanay na kasi akong lagi siyang nand'yan na pag pagod may pwede akong kausapin, may kasabay akong kumain at maglakad. Sana makamove on ako sa wala, sana matanggap ko na kasi para na kong aatakihin sa puso. Hay.

My coworker noticed last week na parang ang blooming ko raw, my skin was great at I sort of lose weight. She teased me baka raw may nagpapasaya na sa’kin etc.

Kanina naman, my childhood bff called me, he said na iba raw “aura” ko now. He said na I’m very bubbly/vocal at mukhang naha-handle na ang stress nang tama. I asked him what does he mean, he said about a month ago (last namin nagkita) he told me na mukha raw pasan pasan ko ang mundo. Mukha raw andami kong iniisip etc. and those are true.

It’s been a month since I moved out of our childhood home. My parents became toxic, isama ko pa ‘yung bitch kong ate.

Now that I’m living independently in mnl, nangangapa pa ako sa budgeting but everything was worth it. ‘Di na ako nagtitiis sa 2-3 hrs byahe (pauwi pa lang yan) at wala na ako sa tahanang feel ko suffocated ako lagi.

Ang dami kong what ifs, what if yung parents ko naging magulang lang sana when I was a kid— hindi sana magbubunga ang isang anak na malayo ang loob sa kanila at puno ng resentment.

Anyway, ang hirap pala nitong adulting. I promise myself na I’d be more kind to me. I’m still adjusting at nangangapa pa. Ang hirap na katuwang mo lang sarili mo sa lahat ng problema but the good thing is I’m on my own now.

I’m 31F and lately, I’ve started feeling more and more irritated by my mom’s habits lalo na pag magkasama kami and I’m driving. She’s a backseat driver and keeps giving directions and voicing out whatever she notices on the road. “Oh may tatawid!” “Oh titigil yung jeep!” “Oh wag ka na humabol!” “Oh dalian mo para makahabol ka!” “Wag ka dito magpark dun tayo.”

I’ve been driving for more than 10 years already and I never got involved in any accident or major driving mishap. I already told her to stop doing that when I’m driving as I find it distracting and mas prone pa sa disgrasya when I get startled by her remarks but she just can’t stop doing it. I feel like she’s constantly providing guidance or reminders that I don’t need while driving.

I love her, I love spending time with her, but sometimes mas gusto ko nalang na ako nalang mag-isa enjoying my time. When we go out, it’s mostly on her terms like when to go home, where to eat, what shops to visit and what to skip. Parang sometimes I long for being considered naman hindi yung ako lagi nag-aadjust. When I’m on my own, I just simply do whatever I want without having to consider someone else. When I was younger, I didn’t feel this much resentment towards her. Recently napapansin ko na mas naeenjoy ko nalang mag-isa. My Dad passed years ago so it’s just mostly the two of us so I want to be there for her as much as I could but sometimes it’s too much for me.

We’re going to Manila this weekend and will be staying there for a few days to visit his sibling.
This morning, he was already packing his things when he casually said, “Magdadala ako ng pang-pickleball, ha. Baka maglaro ako.”
And honestly? Nakakainis. Sobra.
Imagine, he’s already thinking about what he wants to do, what he wants to bring, and how he can enjoy himself while we’re in Manila. He’s already making plans in his head to play pickleball with his friends because most of them are there.
But not once did he think to ask me, “Magdala ka rin ng pang-pickleball mo para makapaglaro rin tayo.”
Not even once.
Of course, he can play. Nobody is stopping him. He can enjoy his hobbies and spend time with his friends. But why does it feel like he’s the only one who gets to look forward to having fun?
What am I supposed to do? Go with him, sit there watching him play, and take care of our two sons while he enjoys his time with his friends?
Our youngest is 10 months old, and I’m exclusively breastfeeding. Hindi naman ako basta-basta puwedeng umalis at mag-enjoy nang walang iniisip. I have to consider the baby’s feeding, his needs, and both of our children in practically everything I do.
And yet, he can casually pack his pickleball things and look forward to playing without even considering whether I might want to play, too.
Ang dali para sa kanya, no? He gets to think about himself, make plans for himself, and look forward to doing something he enjoys. Meanwhile, I have to think about the kids, their needs, and everything else.
And the annoying part? I’m not even asking him to give up pickleball. I’m not asking him not to see his friends. I’m not asking him to spend every waking moment with me.
I just wish he had enough consideration to think, “Hey, my wife might want to play, too.”
Is that really too much to ask?
Why do I have to be the one to bring it up? Why do I have to remind him that I’m also a person who wants to enjoy herself? Why does it seem so natural for him to make room for his own hobbies, while my own wants and needs are just expected to take a back seat because I’m a mother?
I didn’t stop being a person just because I had children. I didn’t suddenly stop having hobbies, interests, or things I wanted to do.
And just because I’m breastfeeding our 10-month-old doesn’t mean I should automatically be the one sacrificing every opportunity to have fun while he gets to enjoy his freedom.
Being a mother doesn’t mean I should always be the one watching everyone else have fun.
Honestly, it’s not even about whether I get to play pickleball or not. It’s the lack of consideration. It’s the fact that he was so quick to think about bringing his own things but didn’t even think about including me.
Sometimes, I wish he would think of me without me having to spell everything out for him. I wish he would consider my happiness the same way he considers his own.
Because if we’re going to Manila together as a family, shouldn’t he at least think about how we can both enjoy ourselves?
Or am I just supposed to be there as his companion, his children’s mother, and the default babysitter while he gets to live his life as usual?
Because honestly, it’s exhausting when your partner remembers to pack his pickleball paddle but somehow forgets that his wife deserves to have fun, too.
Btw. First born is 9.

Im going crazy need ko lang ilabas haha so
im currently dating a guy who’s honestly so sweet to me. He’s very much in love with me, and I know he genuinely cares about me. And even my friends and parents notice that. I can check his phone anytime, he spends almost all his free time with me, and he constantly makes me feel loved. He takes me on nice dates, buys me things he knows I want even when I know he doesn’t have much money to spare, and surprises me with beautiful bouquets of flowers. He would cry pag nag aaway kame matindi.

I genuinely don’t have any reason to suspect him of cheating. He hasn’t shown me any red flags, and I even had him take a loyalty test before, hahahaha baliw no and hindi nya pinansin ung girl lol. He doesn’t entertain other women, at least from what I’ve seen, and I feel like I’m the only one he wants.

But here’s where my anxiety comes in.
I recently learned some things about his family that honestly made me uncomfortable. His dad apparently cheated on his mom multiple times, and I only found this out when I attended his mom’s birthday. Then, at his grandmother’s birthday, I learned that his grandmother also had an affair. Two of her children from that relationship were there, and hearing their stories made everything feel even more real.

On top of that, apparently, several of his uncles are womanizers and have had affairs. I’ve also heard stories about one of his cousins being involved with other women. His family seems to have a long history of infidelity, and it’s honestly scary to think about. I’ve heard that some of his other cousins are different, though, so I know it’s not necessarily everyone.
Ever since learning all of this, I haven’t felt as at ease in the relationship. I keep wondering if cheating is something people learn from their families or if there’s a chance that he’ll eventually become like them. I know he’s his own person, but I can’t help thinking about it.
What makes this difficult is that he’s genuinely good to me. I don’t want to ruin a potentially good relationship because of something his relatives did. At the same time, I’m scared of investing my time, energy, and feelings into someone who might eventually hurt me.

For those of you who have dated someone whose parents or entire family have a history of cheating, how did things turn out?

Did your partner end up repeating the same patterns, or did they become completely different from their family?
Are there men who grew up around infidelity but are genuinely loyal and would never want to put their partner through the same thing?

I guess I’m looking for real-life experiences because I don’t know if I’m being reasonable or just letting fear get the best of me. I want to enjoy what we have without constantly worrying about the possibility of getting cheated on in the future.

Bumped into my cousin on the street, he asked "Saan ka naglilinis? Kila ate?". With All Souls' Day nearing, and you hear this from your cousin whose sister was murdered. She was still young, had plenty of life ahead of her. But then poof, gone in an instant. I thought to myself I shouldn't be hearing those words from her brother. Seeing his conflicted eyes, blank, sadness, anger. She should still be here. She should be living her life, making plans, growing older. Her brother should be talking about her in the present tense. It's still hard to process months after.

Been working since 2016 as an IT staff, and I still haven't received any cash bonus/christmas bonus sa mga napapasukan kong company. Puro bonus work lang HAHA. 13th month lang (which is nasa law naman) talaga ang nararamdaman ko every Christmas season. Dumadaan lang din sa palad ko sa dami ng gastusin. Naka-tatlong company na ako pinasukan, may isang company bago ako pumasok may bonus sila tapos nung dumating ako, wala na daw, ako ata ang malas. HAHAHA. Wala lang, gusto ko lang mag-vent out, naiinggit lang ako sa iba.

32M, Single

I used to work in Sales. Basic salary was ₱23k per month, but with commissions, I could bring home a minimum of ₱80k per month after taxes. At one point, I had a million pesos sitting in my bank account.

The last 3 years were probably the best years of my life, or at least that's what I thought.

Bought my first motorcycle in cash. After a month, bought my first iPhone. Bought a fully spec'd out MacBook M2 with insurance pa.

After every shift, diretso sa brunch spots or cafés. I was spending at least ₱500–₱1k per day on weekdays alone.

Nagla-lifestyle with friends. Almost every Saturday, gastos ng ₱4k–₱7k. Hindi pa kasama yung expenses ko every Sunday para mag-"rest" (kain + lingam). Spent at least ₱4k every couple of weeks on weed.

After 8 months, bought my first car (hulugan).

2024–2025

Same spending habits. Same lifestyle.

Traveled to Thailand on a 9 day vacation twice! Bought so many clothes there to the point na halos lahat ng panggala ko galing Thailand. I even managed to get a tailor-made suit in Thailand.Pambahay ko naman Uniqlo Airism. Naging pampahay ko siya is because before clocking in for work, I'd go to Ayala (In front of our office building) I'm always 30-45minutes early at work.

Traveled to Vietnam twice. Yung second visit ko, parang weekend getaway nalang. Lipad, gala, kain, tapos uwi agad. Ganun kadali gumastos noon.

Nag-upgrade pa yung spending habits ko because of my new vice, which was designer perfumes. Every month, bili ng bagong perfume. At least ₱8k a pop. Kapag nag birthday friends ko, matik perfume bigay ko.

While working, I wanted to venture into the web design business since ito rin yung line of work ko.

Sabi ko sa sarili ko, I'm good at Sales. I was consistently in the top 2 or 3 sa previous company ko, and I knew how this space worked. I knew how to sell, how to talk to clients, and how to close deals. So I figured, why not do it for myself?

November 2025, I decided to resign because I wanted to do my own thing.

On top of the web design business, I also ventured into another business in the wholesale and retail space. Nalugi after just 2 months. Around ₱200k down the drain.

But here's where I really fucked up.

My spending habits didn't change.

Wala nang sweldo. Wala nang commissions. Wala nang consistent na perang pumapasok.

Pero yung lifestyle ko, parang employed pa rin ako earning ₱80k+ a month.

In my mind, I still had money in the bank. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, I could live off my savings for 4 months. Enough time to rest, recover, and eventually focus on my businesses.

I wanted to rest kasi years of working the graveyard shift really fucked me up.

And I actually enjoyed not working.

For the first time in years, naging morning person ako. I could wake up without an alarm. Hindi na kailangan matulog habang maliwanag sa labas. Wala nang pressure to hit monthly quotas. Wala nang boss. Wala nang graveyard shift.

I was finally living on my own schedule.

Pero hindi ko na-realize na habang ine-enjoy ko yung freedom na yun, unti-unti nang nauubos yung savings ko.

Yung dating ₱1M sa bank account, pababa nang pababa.

And instead of adjusting my lifestyle, I kept telling myself na I'll figure things out eventually.

Until almost a year had passed, and I had burned through all my savings.

Take note, I don't gamble, nor do I spend money on girls. Hindi rin ako mahilig mangutang para lang may panggastos. Most especially hindi ako nag papautang.

I just got so used to living a certain lifestyle that I didn't realize how much it was costing me until the money was gone.

Fast forward to today.

I'm 32 years old.

I'm now 2 months behind on my car payments. ₱20k per month yung amortization, plus around ₱9k per week sa gas back when I was still maintaining that lifestyle.

Malapit na ang Christmas, and for the first time in years, I'm genuinely panicking kasi wala akong maiaambag sa family ko.

I live with my mother.

Imagine going from having a million pesos in your bank account, buying whatever you wanted, traveling whenever you felt like it, treating yourself and the people around you, to suddenly worrying about something as simple as what you can contribute sa family mo this Christmas.

I also broke up with my girlfriend because of the pressure, guilt, and regret. I felt like I had too much going on financially and mentally, and I couldn't handle everything at once.

And before anyone says, "Why not just work on your web design business?"

I'm trying.

I really am.

Pero eto yung part na hindi ko maintindihan sa sarili ko.

Every night, I tell myself, "Bukas, babawi ako. I'll start working seriously. I'll make calls, find clients, close deals, and get myself out of this mess."

And the motivation is there. As in, grabe yung drive ko to turn things around.

Pero pagdating ng oras na kailangan ko nang magtrabaho, bigla nalang akong napapatulala.

I'll sit in front of my laptop, ready to work, tapos biglang papasok lahat ng negative thoughts.

"Putangina, paano ko naubos yung isang milyon?"

"Bakit ako nag-resign?"

"Bakit hindi ako nag-ipon nang maayos?"

"Kung nag-stay nalang sana ako sa trabaho, magkano na kaya pera ko ngayon?"

"Paano kung hindi mag-work yung business?"

And before I know it, I've already wasted an hour just thinking about everything I did wrong.

Then I end up procrastinating.

Scroll sa phone. Watch random videos. Do something else. Anything to avoid thinking about my situation.

Tapos gabi na naman.

Same promise.

"Bukas ulit. Babawi na talaga ako."

And the cycle repeats.

What's frustrating is that I know I can sell. I've done it before. As a matter of fact, I've closed couple of clients na sa Web design business. I've made good money before. I know what it's like to work hard and see the results.

Pero ngayon, parang sarili ko na mismo yung hindi ko kayang kontrolin.

I went from being someone who could consistently bring home ₱80k+ a month to someone who struggles to even start working.

And here I am now.

32 years old. No savings. Behind on car payments. Business isn't generating enough money. Living with my mother. Single. And currently sitting at negative ₱280,000.

I know a lot of this is because of my own decisions.

Nobody forced me to buy those things. Nobody forced me to travel. Nobody forced me to resign. Nobody forced me to maintain a lifestyle I could no longer afford.

I made those decisions.

And now I'm dealing with the consequences.

Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit ko ito pinost. Maybe I just wanted to get everything off my chest. Maybe gusto ko lang makarinig ng opinion ng ibang tao na hindi ako personally kilala.

I don't need anyone to tell me that everything will be okay.

I know I fucked up.

Say whatever you want to say. Good or bad. Advice, criticism, or a slap in the face.

If you've been in a similar situation, I'd genuinely like to know how you managed to get yourself out of it.

Because right now, I honestly don't know where to start.

Was head over heels for my ex and that maybe i was too much and that yung love na pinapakita at clinginess is me being self serving, aside from it being genuine it was probably to fill my emotional needs.

She got tired of me because looking back i too would be tired when put in her situation. But i too blame her for never voicing what she doesn’t like. no feedback or if there were, probably went over my head.

I made peace with the fact na I’m not for her, i cant be with her for I’m not the right person for her.

2 years since then, we ended it in good terms no third party and no contact after our breakup up until now. But the reason she gave me back then hurts more knowing na di pala yun ang totoong reason.

people can become desperate when they want out of the situation. But if you can pleasee, be direct, be frank and don’t lie your way out. Genuine naman siguro ako sa relationship namin and i think i deserved to be told the truth, hindi yung magpapa gaan lang sa damdamin ko. The least she could have done is be honest, still hurting till now. can’t even see myself being in another relationship.

Alam mo yung feeling na you can be suffocating when being genuine with someone. not suffocating na controlling ha but too much affection talkative and clingy. Thats why you need to be told to know how you can setup the boundaries.

because of her i see my love as a burden to someone.

i’ll stick with loving myself.

Nakakapagod pala maging available for other people? Pupunta ako agad pag they needed me. Magpapahiram ng pera pag nanghiram. Tutulong pag need ng help kahit na naging pabaya sila. Physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially They sound desperate kasi when they ask for help. And ang motto ko? I always want to be there for people because no one's there for me pag ako may kailangan. I know how it feels na walang anjan for you kahit you ask.

Paulit-ulit na they'd ask for same things. Pagsasabihan mo para magkaron ng self-discipline pero ganun pa rin. Paulit-ulit ding I'm open to help. I'm not nagsusumbat pero nakakapagod pala maging available for people na hindi natututo. I experience this sa partner, friends, even family ko. Hays

I agreed to it hindi dahil ayaw ko na, hindi dahil 'di na kita mahal, hindi dahil sawa na ako...

I agreed to it kasi kahit sa dulo, ikaw pa rin prinioritize ko.

Na kahit masakit para sa akin, kahit gusto ko pa i-laban...

Magbi-bigay daan ako kung saan ka masaya, kasi tanggap ko na na di ako ang magpapasaya sayo.

Mahal kita...mahal na mahal kita.

I would have done anything and everything for you.

Even if it meant giving up my own happiness.

I promised you that diba? I told you your happiness comes first.

Alagaan mo sarili mo please? Wala na ako para i-remind ka.

Until next time, I love you.