With the Cornell University “scandal” happening where those men SAd that girl and then 50 other men did nothing to stop it all I can think about is protecting my son from those red pill women hating POSs. I want him to grow up bit only not hurting women but actively protecting them. calling out bad behaviours, and just being a safe person. I think it’s fairly easy not to harm someone but it’s hard to call out harms, especially when a large percentage of men are the problem.

anyway. idk what to do him so scared my son will turn a blind eye to things when he’s older. I want him to make a difference when he can. not just standing up for women but for any other marginalised group. weird thing to stress about nah e but I feel like the training has gotta start young. maybe it’s something my husband will have to do. anyone else think about this? and yes I blame the manosphere for the women hate.

"No gifts - your presence is the present. If you must bring something, he would love books, puzzles, games...we're keeping it simple as we're overflowing with battery and character toys."

Last year we just said no gifts and no one listened, as expected. I'm just trying to limit the amount of battery operated Spiderman noise makers our toddler gets. We're a moderately granola family and really try to avoid passive, close-ended toys. Is this language rude for an invitation? This is just going out to family.

edit: well, these comments are teaching me there's just no right answer. some good suggestions though, thank you!

Did previous generations do this??

Husband is away with work for a month. Everyone keeps asking me am I ok, am I coping? The answer is... I'm doing absolutely fine.

The trash is recycled properly, we're eating less meat, we're walking most places.

There's no random Amazon packages arriving, no takeout, no McDonald's wrappers in the car. Lights are switched off and the dishwasher is run every 2 days now.

Everything is orderly, calm, neat and I even get to watch all my own shows at night or listen to feminist podcasts on the loudspeaker. I'm chilling!

Am I a bad wife/ person for thinking this?

i’ll go first; baking soda and vinegar literally does nothing. you’re only creating water with a weird texture lol. just buy the disinfectant spray and multi purpose cleaner!

also seeing seed oils or any emulsifiers in the ingredients do not bother me. getting my information about additives and all these “toxins” from real food scientists with degrees (who are constantly debunking misinformation, fear mongering and always citing their sources) saved me a LOTTT of anxiety.

What's your granola mom dream that you gave up on? Like if you planned special foods, fabrics, bottles, reusable this or that...

I wanted to do cloth diapers. I am big into using regular towels/rags and not paper towels. I use knit dishcloths from my mom instead of sponges. I also use a menstrual cup and I love it! But I didn't even try cloth diapers! After I came home from my unplanned C-section and my husband was handling everything except the actual breastfeeding, I felt pretty good about not subjecting either of us to the cloth diaper system.

I also wanted to do all cotton, but I have some cotton/poly blend stuff that I really like and fits her well... So I am more of a "cut down on polyester" person these days.

EDIT: Forgot to add my own biological badge of honor: PCOS and IVF! I wish I could have granola girl boss'd my way out of PCOS and infertility but nothing worked. Grateful for my doctor!

So my mother-in-law and family members are trying to begin Christmas shopping for my baby, who will be around nine months old at Christmas.

I am rather minimalist and try to be as low tox as possible… and I don’t want a bunch of junk lying around our small apartment - not to mention my MIL visits often so if she purchased us something that we don’t use or have out, she will 100% notice. And be offended.

I am not trying to sound ungrateful or overly picky… I am just wondering how to politely decline certain gifts without offending. I know when people were shopping for us for my baby shower, I tried to make my preferences very clear and I was even referred to as “neurotic”. I just really only want well-known, reputable, safe, nontoxic brands in our home. I don’t consider “little acorn” as one but correct me if I’m wrong.

I also just prefer open ended toys and open pls rather than things like an activity center. I don’t really like the idea container toys (for lack of better terms?).

I already tried to avoid this by telling MIL we would love it if she got baby some bath toys as she is starting to really love the water.

I'm the husband of a moderately granola mom, and I started going down the clean eating rabbit hole myself a few months ago. Started consuming a lot of content from confident people that had no evidence for the claims they made (usually trying to sell something), and it caused me to start developing a genuine fear of food. Thankfully, my wife pulled me back to sanity, and I started researching credible studies, meta-analyses, etc. showing that these ingredients I was so scared of, aren't actually that bad, especially in moderation. A big one for me was seed oils. Curious what other things people see fear mongered online that aren't a big deal.

Did you circumcise your little boy? Are you happy with that decision?
Feel free to add context in comments!

I was prescribed low dose aspirin for my first pregnancy, but I do not meet any of the risk factors. I still plan to take it but it got me thinking why isnt low dose aspirin treated like a prenatal and just suggested for ALL pregnant women? What are risk factors that stop doctors from recommending it for all pregnancies? I am very aware of the benefits but what are the risk? Yes of course I will ask my doctor as well. Thanks!

I have a relative asking what my toddler needs for Christmas because they want to shop while Prime deals are on. But we've been avoiding buying anything from Amazon due to issues with toxic and unsafe products from "alphabet soup" brands, and even counterfeit and used products sold under trusted brand names.

I'm wondering if anyone has recommendations on language or strategies they've used to gently/politely as possible request no Amazon gifts?

I'd also be interested in any articles/links you use to help explain the issues to others.

I think these relatives mean well and I hate to cause conflict, but I feel terrible just returning the gifts or donating them which seems like the alternative (it also feels wrong to donate gifts I feel are unsafe for my child for someone else's child to end up with!).

ETA:
Wow, I did not realize this question would be so spicy in the moderatelygranola sub! I super appreciate responses that actually answer the question. There are some really thoughtful suggestions.

To be clear, this is in response to a relative asking what the toddler needs for Christmas, not instructions on an invite. I think I'm just going to make a non-Amazon wishlist to send in response to similar requests from others.

My daughter (5) started kindergarten last week. She's done great with the transition! But I am troubled by what I am reading and hearing from her about the food at school. We are supposed to send two snacks per day (morning and afternoon). Breakfast is free, lunch is free but you can send one, and then she also gets a snack at the after school program.

Breakfast every day is a cereal or whatever they made that day (breakfast burrito, french toast sticks, etc) and they can choose juice or milk (white or chocolate).

I have been packing her lunch but she wanted to try school lunch. Every day they have PBJ or whatever they made today (today it was turkey corn dogs). And again they can choose white or chocolate milk.

And then after school snack they give them something small (such as cheese it's or a rice crispy treat) with milk or juice.

Well, seeing as she is five and being given complete autonomy over her food besides the snacks I pack, today she had

Cereal and juice

PBJ and chocolate milk

More juice and she claims it was crackers after school but I thought I saw rice crispy treats on the schedule.

Is it just me or is it bananas to just let a five year old eat whatever she wants and then supply THAT much sugar in a single day? My husband said we can just tell her she can't have school food but that seems ridiculous, I just want her to have more variety than cereal and PBJ and I would love if chocolate milk was only on Fridays or something.

I'm at a loss. I can pack her a lunch (like I did today) but I cant make her eat it and it seems a bridge too far to ban her from eating school food (not to mention packing five things a day would kill me). Her daycare served healthy meals. Is there really no oversight for the new kindergartners?

What would you do? For those who have been there, did your kid hit the sugar hard the first couple weeks and then pivot to other foods? We have raised her with a pretty low sugar diet so I am sad that all this effort has come crashing down so soon because apparently a five year old can choose whatever.

I feel like I have to work overtime on the nights and weekends to cook extra healthy to make up for whatever she eats at school, no lazy nights for me.

They seem like a pretty good idea to me, to potentially get a few minutes of distraction without the negative impacts of screen time. Am I wrong? Do you love them? Do you hate them? Tell me what you think.

I saw a similar question on a general parenting sub and wanted to get input from this group.

My mom and I are not close. My whole body tenses up when she’s around. She was very volatile growing up — I never knew what reaction to expect from her. One week she’d be tracking my phone and reading my journal and not letting me leave the house, and then the next week she’d disappear and go out of town leaving me with zero supervision. She’s got a weird compulsive lying issue too.

I know what she did wrong, but now I have young kids and want to know the flip side of the story. For those of you who has really close relationships with your moms: How did that come to be? What stands out to you? How did your mom instill a strong, healthy relationship with you?

Edit: wow this blew up fast! Thank you to everyone who has shared. For others reading, here’s the main takeaways I’m getting — I wasn’t expecting these answers to be particularly complicated per say, but I am struck by how simple some of this stuff is in theory.

• Honesty and respect: “you can’t expect your kids to be honest and respectful of you if you aren’t honest and respectful of them.” Take the time to explain things from your perspective while also respecting their autonomy. “No means no because I’m the boss of you” isn’t going to establish trust.
• Consequences: should fit the circumstances and be easy to understand the cause/effect. When your kid shares their mistakes with you, support them instead of punishing them.
• Acceptance: essentially parent the kid you have, not the kid you want. Make your love obvious and unconditional. Be present and emotionally available.
• Time: hang out! Even just running errands or talking before bed. It doesn’t have to be a big vacation or expensive outing.
• Accountability: this is a BIG one. Apologize when you’re wrong and admit to your mistakes in real time.

I’ll add more to this list as responses roll in :)

Edit 2: more takeaways —

• Take a genuine interest in your kid. Share their hobbies and passions, find their strengths and channel your efforts there (rather than trying to support/compensate for their weaknesses)

• Don’t brush off their worries or fears, no matter how small.

• Be consistent with how you show up and react. Be predictable as a parent.

• Have your kid’s back. Stand up for them, advocate for them, and take them seriously. Don’t gossip about them, even when they’re little.

We were at my daughter’s tee ball game last weekend and one of the other mom’s mentioned that she was wearing Meta glasses (this is not something I would have independently noticed absent her saying something). After the game she sent me a video of my daughter recorded by her glasses.

My kids are very young and we have avoided putting their images on social media, any AI tool, and removed all app permissions to our photos (tech companies probably have a way around all of this at this point but we are just trying to be as careful as we can). I had never even thought of Meta glasses as a way for other people to capture videos and images of my kids without me knowing but now it is definitely stressing me out that parents in our school community can just walk around recording videos and capturing images of other kids without it being readily apparent.

Has anyone else dealt with this? I am going to have a conversation with the mom mentioned in this post but first I wanted to get a pulse check on this — Am I being crazy here??

EDIT: I mentioned this is the comments but there have been enough comments asking if I would be concerned about a recording on a phone or camcorder that I want to clarify - my understanding of Meta’s policies is that all photos and videos captured on its devices or uploaded to its platforms automatically become Meta’s property and subject to use and training by Meta, including it AI products. That is the primary source of my concern and why it feels different than another type of photo or recording.

Hi everyone — for starters, apologies if I’m duplicating a recent thread. I didn’t find anything in my cursory searches.

We are getting close to having our second child and this time it‘a a boy! While we’re thrilled, we are now faced with the imminent decision on if we should circumcise him or not.

As some very general background, I sort of always assumed we would as I’m half Jewish and even though we weren’t going to be doing a bris it still just seemed like the appropriate next step. However, as I’ve gotten older I’ve become much more inclined towards not circumcising. My husband shares a similar belief despite being circumcised himself.

The thing that is almost throwing us for a loop the most is that our friends that have voiced similar opinions to ours, and in some instances taken an even firmer viewpoint… still wind up circumcising their sons? I almost wonder if I’m missing something that all these people who say at minimum “yeah we dont really see the benefit” all the way to “it’s genetic mutalation” all seemingly come to the same conclusion to go through with the procedure regardless.

I also just want to be sure I’m not missing anything regarding health benefit. From what my research has shown me, there might be a slight increase in UTI risk and potentially STI risk, with the latter probably giving me the most pause though further readings have sort of framed that as an issue for countries with a higher STI transmission rate.

I would greatly appreciate any thoughts/opinions/insights. Obviously this is a very personal decision we’ll ultimately have to make on our own but I’d value some additional perspective. Thank you!!

Basically what the title is asking. Newly pregnant (haven’t even had first ultrasound). MIL is already purchasing toys and cradle “for her house” for baby. Tho not entirely sure why bc baby will not be spending a majority of time there as I will be a SAHM (and we really like to stay home😅). Tryna vet this toy. We’re looking to avoid polyesters and other microplastics. TIA!

Is it just me or does it feel like no one cooks meals? I see all these from scratch recipes on instagram but I can only think of two moms who do that.

I feel like the minority bc I cook 4-5 dinners a week.

I host and invite friends over a couple times a month and serve dinner. I love it and I find it’s way better than ordering out. I just feel too guilty about the plastic waste and it feels healthier and cozy. People really appreciate it too.

Yet my family never cooks and hosts. My older brother will for holidays. We’re going on a family vacation for a week and no one’s planned any food. They plan on eating out every meal.

Also we are never invited over for a meal. The only time we’re invited to friends for a meal is their child’s birthday. I just find it sad and I long for this way of connecting.

I also see moms who do cookbook night and I wish I had friends who wanted to do that.

Does this bother anyone else?

My MIL is great. We have a great relationship. It’s not one of those hate your in-laws situations. She’s long distance, about a 10hr drive, so she doesn’t get to see my son very often. She’s in her 70s, and doesn’t make the drive often, but we occasionally drive to see her.

She stayed with us for a week when my son was 10 weeks old and my spouse had to go out of town for a very important wedding. She was super respectful and helpful, but struggled with a lot of things she wasn’t used to, like cloth diapering. She tried her very best, but would forget to put a water proof cover on, or silly things like that.

We’re due with our second baby any day now, and she’s coming to watch our toddler while we’re in the hospital. I anticipate her being here for about two weeks, depending on when I go into labor. I know she’s going to do great with my son, but I’m thinking I should just make her life easier and let her use disposable diapers and wipes, paper plates, pouches and other premade foods we don’t typically serve, just to decrease the laundry, dishes, and prep work that she would need to do.

I feel like it’s going to be a big change for her taking on my very rambunctious kid, and I shouldn’t also require her to rinse poop out of diapers and do laundry every other day.

Would you do the same in this situation? It’s only a couple weeks. I’m nervous it could throw off my son’s routine a bit and we’ll have to adapt back when she’s gone, but she’s also doing us a huge favor by staying with us for the birth. Not trying to compromise on my beliefs, but trying to compromise to help her out.

If she was local and here all the time, I’d just keep teaching her how we do things, and I know she would learn and adapt. But for such a short time, it doesn’t feel worth it to put that much effort into it.

UPDATE: Thank you to everyone for your responses. Rather than go through individual comments for questions, I’ll try to highlight a few things here.

- My first labor was a two day long induction followed by a 5 day long admission due to complications. If things go at all similarly this time, I’m expecting to not be home for much of the time my MIL is there. She’ll be on her own doing everything.
- My son went to the NICU for a week, so I really don’t know what to expect for this postpartum period. I’m hoping for no NICU time for this baby, but planning for the worst.
- My spouse will be able to go home intermittently, but they’ll also be working as the plan is for them to use their limited parental leave a bit later.
- We compost, so if we do use paper plates, my MIL can just put them in the compost bin. I know it might seem like overkill, but she’s in her 70s minding a wild toddler mostly by herself, and I don’t want to write her a full instruction booklet on the dishwasher settings and where every plate in our house gets put away. We never use paper plates, so for this very limited period, it seems like not the end of the world waste wise. We also cloth “paper” towel, cloth disinfecting wipe, I make my own cleaning solutions, etc. I’ve done this for over a decade, so in comparison to the average household, I think we’ll still be contributing far less over the long run.
- My MIL did not cloth diaper her babies in the 1980s. She gave it a really good try the last time she was with us, but she struggled with all the pieces and parts and wash routines. And that was with newborn milk poops that didn’t need to be flushed. She was a trooper and never complained, but I felt guilty watching her struggle.

Not a vegetarian by any means but I just hate the sulfates and all the artificial issues with lunch meat. Any ideas?? my child is 4. . .

Mine is probably antiperspirant with aluminum. No matter how crunchy I get, I refuse to switch to rocks or crystals.

I’ve decided my late August baby will be starting school at 6 years old. I just feel like starting school at barely 5 is just a bit too early, but I’m on the fence with my June kid.

i know there have been studies done about older kids having better leadership opportunities and more focus in school, as well as winter birthdays having more opportunities and even preforming better academically and in sports.

my hold up with June is it is right at the end of the age group. if she was born in July or August i probably would keep her home until she was 6. but my hold up is if I send her at 6 she will graduate at 19. I wouldn’t want her to feel socially outcasted or not bond the same as her peers, since a part of her class would be 17.

does anyone have any experience with this? has anyone ”red shirted” their June kids? why or why not?

I’m so curious what you all have come to realize wasn’t helpful or had drawbacks you didn’t consider

I have a lot of fellow moderately crunchy parents in my life, and I’ve noticed a theme with my friends and with this subreddit. For example, there are parents who put their kids in head to toe long sleeve sun gear and hats and there are parents whose kids sometimes don’t even get sunscreen and wear normal bathing suits. There are the religious nightly bathers and the twice a week bathers. There are kids outside barefoot in the dirt all day and kids inside with Montessori toys. Anyone else notice this? I think it’s so funny and also cool that people can align on some things and completely differ on others!

Also, no shade to either group. Obviously we all have our own preferences but I think all of these parents have their kids best interest at heart.

Has anyone gotten /less/ granola through learning more over time? I had such grand goals of eliminating plastic from our lives and providing no plastic toys for my baby until he wasn’t teething.

We’re all such great parents before we have kids, right?

As I sit here, seeing the pop up that the giant plastic fisher price toy box I ordered is supposed to be delivered today, it just hit me how old me would be so disappointed. Like I rationalize that the name-brand plastic box is better than the alphabet soup brand wood box that’s treated with who knows what and more expensive, but who am I justifying to?

I work in environmental restoration. I think it’s jaded me. I keep thinking “whats the point?” Like I have my reusable bottles and filter our water, but the water utility doesn’t need to ensure PFOS and PFOA aren’t in the water above the MCLs until 2029 (about to be 2031). My meat comes plastic packed, I don’t have time to make bread to avoid all the junk in there, and I cant use crunchy deodorant I need my sweet sweet aluminum to not stink. I’m still getting “chemical” contamination loaded just by existing even if I do all the things.

Also, I can’t handle the conflicting health information. Soy is bad because phytoestrogens, to no it’s fine they’re wackos, to just unfermented soy is bad and it’s actually the glyphosate… the whole damn grocery store is soy!!! It doesn’t matter if it’s bad, I can’t win. I have family with a mild soy intolerance. I’ve had to kinda give up catering to it and just avoid major soy things like tofu because if I avoid *all* soy I’d have to be a SAHM and make all our food from scratch.

I think I just miss not beating myself up because “I should know better” and smelling like a flower shop with bath and body works soap.