I’ve never been attracted to a guy but over time I kinda got curious about him specifically and now I think our friendship is gonna become a friendswbennysship. And I’m excited to try hand stuff with him as we discussed that’s what we cool with trying. And I guess this post is just to get out that I discovered I’m gay for someone a bit

So, I'm not sure where else to discuss this. I haven't been able to talk to my friends since we are waiting until our parents are told before we tell our friends.

My fiance (26) and I (29) have been together almost 6 years. He has asked me to marry him. I of course said yes. My parents know I'm gay, and have met my fiance and like him.

However, there have been comments made about how they do not agree with my lifestyle and I'm concerned on how to discuss my engagement with them. I want to tell them, because I want them to be a part of our big day, but I also know they've made their feelings known.

I'm concerned with how to approach this with them while respecting their views and respecting myself and my feelings.

Any tips?

I want to be more involved in my community but honestly, my experiences with gay men haven’t been great. I’ve never had a true gay male friend and I tried once. I knew he liked me a bit more than that and it ruined the relationship. I have some lesbian friends and a bi-married guy but otherwise I’m completely inexperienced in this area. A big part of it is my deep distrust in men. I know it needs to be based on individual relationships rather than generalisations. The other night I explained to the guy who invited me that I sometimes feel there’s an agenda within the community’s ethos and he was really sweet and apologised. He told me he understood why I don’t feel included which honestly made me feel really seen. I just need to decentre from men. This is a big issue for me but honestly I don’t know what to do about it. I want to make friends so badly but I overthink it and hate the way I feel I’m being perceived even though I know mentally I’m making it up—I lean into it though and I also understand that’s a problem. I just feel so confused because I really want to make gay friends but I’ve also had some pretty scary gays in my life before that play into my disillusionment. I’m single too and I’ve been looking for a relationship which isn’t helping my friend search either. I don’t know why I’m so scared. I guess hook-up culture, ego and searching for love don’t go well together. I just wanted to vent and if anyone has been in this situation before and dealt with the anxiety, I’d love your opinion. I believe I’m kind and I love who I am but I’m just not like some in my community. I feel vulnerable and lost like a baby deer without a mother bro. I am going to this party to put myself out there and see how it goes, I’m bringing a friend too. I honestly am an open person, I think I’m just intimidated. I just want to have fun and not think about shit. Any advice would be appreciated!

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now and we are in love with each other. emotionally he and I are there for each other we make each other laugh and we have a genuine connection. But when it comes to being intimate he realized he doesn’t like bottoming as much as he thought he did. He also has a low libido most of the time compared to me when at the slightest touch I want to get naughty with him. I don’t want to break up with him and we’ve talked it over and he doesn’t understand why he feels this way. He says he’s attracted to me and that I’m not the issue. He and I used to hook up with other people before we met and now that he’s with me he doesn’t have the urge to do that. I’m worried that I won’t be able to find that spark for him and he feels guilty for not wanted to do it when I do. Any advice?

My boyfriend and I have been together for about three months, so it’s still fairly new. We’re exclusive and not in an open relationship. I like him a lot, and the time we spend together is amazing. At the same time, we have different lifestyles, and I’m trying to learn how to be less judgmental while also being honest with myself about what I want.
He goes out and parties a lot within the gay scene, including NYC clubs with dark rooms. I’m not suggesting he does anything there, but those environments aren’t really my thing. Sometimes he goes out and doesn’t get home until 5 a.m.
Recently, I also discovered around 20 dildos at his house. We talked about it, and he explained that he’s collected them over the years but doesn’t necessarily use them anymore.
I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with his lifestyle, and I don’t want to project my own values onto him. But I’m starting to wonder whether our lifestyles and values are too different for us to be compatible long-term.
Since we’re exclusive, I also want to understand how our expectations around partying, boundaries, and what being in a committed relationship looks like align. I don’t want to assume he’s doing anything wrong, but I also don’t want to ignore my own feelings or let insecurity become an issue in our relationship.
Part of me wonders if I’m being a prude or if I’m simply recognizing that we might want different things. I don’t want to limit his freedom, just as I don’t want to feel like I have to compromise on what makes me comfortable in a relationship.
How do you distinguish between being judgmental and recognizing that someone’s lifestyle might not align with your own? And how do you know whether these differences are something you can work through or a sign of fundamental incompatibility?

There’s this guy (M18) I (19M) met in the first week of university. I just want to clarify before I say anything, yes, I like him (a lot) & I find him attractive, and I know that it may have an influence with how I may interpret things — but there are some things that just really don’t make sense.

During the first week of university, the second time meeting him, him & I (and some of our friends) were in his communal kitchen, and I had my legs resting on the table in front of us. He was sat on the sofa opposite me. I was wearing my jeans, and he put his legs inside of my jeans, and was rubbing my inner thigh with his foot. We both just kind of pretended it wasn’t happening, but then we just jokingly acknowledged it later.

We were in the back of a car about a week ago with our friends, and he just rubbed my thigh with his finger & neither of us acknowledged it happened.

There was also another time about 2 days ago where we were in our kitchen with a couple of our friends sat on the sofa’s, and I just had my leg resting on his thigh — obviously this is a normal thing to do with your friends (if you’re close enough), and then we jokingly started taking each other’s socks off & we were just play fighting for like an hour, purposely trying to put each other’s feet inside of each other’s mouths (weird I know 😭) and we like interlocked feet and hands and stuff (I know it sounds so weird), and I conjoined my toe like with his toes & we just sat there for like 5 minutes with it like that. Things like this are weird and funny… but we like sit there comfortably allowing each other to just do weird stuff and we just allow it. I know it’s weird but, I really like physical touch like this especially when it’s intimate, because it makes me feel nervous and gives me butterflies because I like him. he never acts like this to anyone else. even with his friends he’s been friends with for almost 6 years.

even today, we were both sat on the sofa with our friend, I sat in between them, and he took his shoe off and immediately put his leg over my lap, I just looked at him and just awkwardly went “wonderful haha”, and he just smiled. we stayed like that for 10 minutes, and then I started jokingly taking his sock off and then he started trying to put his foot in my mouth again.

another thing, when we’re talking, I always catch him looking at my lips and then looking back at my eyes, I try my best not to do it because I don’t want him to think I want to kiss him (as he has a girlfriend, and I stay respectful), like I flirt back and whatnot but I would never do anything about it.

he’s always looking at me to the point where I try my best not to look at him otherwise there’ll be this weird intense eye contact. whenever we lock eyes we just stare at each other until one of us does something similar to break the tension.

he always teases me by taking my phone or my keycard & hides it, and always makes these jokes about me (like he started this thing where he kept saying my name in like every sentence to annoy me), and always tries to annoy me on purpose.

and one thing that struck me by surprise, a couple nights ago we had a bonfire (him & I and others), and we were all gathered around the campfire eating marshmallows, and my friend started handing out cigarettes — I’m a social smoker so I had a few, I offered him some & we shared a cigarette together. I then moved away a little from the group to sit down and smoke, and he came over and joined me by sitting next to me.

I told one of his friend’s about this (who he’s known for years) and he said “that’s crazy to me, I’ve had many cigarettes around him and he’s never wanted to try it”, so it makes me question things because why does he want to try it when I offer it to him!?

… there have been so many things that have pointed towards him liking me, but it’s so confusing because, on the contrary…

when we are away from each other, we snap & send each other reels etc, but he doesn’t seem like he wants to continue conversations over texts & leaves me on opened sometimes, he’s also happy to talk about his girlfriend in front of me as well & has said a couple times before, “im not gay”

and even today, I said to him & his friend, “yeah, fin (one of our friends) is the straightest man I know”, and he (the guy sending mixed signals) said “oh do you not think I’m straight?”, and I just awkwardly said “yeah you’re straight”

some context about him as well that his friend told me, growing up, he was always surrounded by his guy friends & was never exposed to gay people before. and now he’s at university and has met me, its introduced a new dynamic to him.

I’d really like some advice on what to do.
I won’t pursue anything or try do anything because that’s too risky, and plus he has a girlfriend. so im really not sure.

it just sucks because I really like him and I can’t help but really like him. I flirt back with him when I know I shouldn’t. I see him almost everyday.

I’m sorry if this makes no sense. I’m very scatter brained right now. I will start from the ground up because otherwise this will make no sense.

I’m in college and came to terms with the fact that I am 100% gay a few years ago. All was well and it never made me any issues until now.

I have a bleeding disorder. A long while ago I traumatised most of my friend group by almost bleeding out to death after tripping on a rock during a party one of my friends was hosting (spent almost three weeks in the hospital for reference). This lead to some of my friends becoming very protective of me, which combined with the fact that I am very small for a guy where I live, has lead to me being manhandled (just imagine pulling an unruly toddler onto your lap to keep them from moving) if I am drunk or almost trip being normalised.

I met a guy via one of my friends. Eventually I began having classes with him, getting to know him better, and even later she began inviting him on occasion to hang outs. Then me and him began studying together on occasion and chatting privately. I have been attracted to him since I met him, and the fact that I was forced to swallow the bitter pill that he genuinely is a sweet guy (…and 1 to 1 my type since I’ve been a kid) has only made it worse. Yet I was still able to keep it under wraps.

To relax after mid terms, him, me, and two other friends went out to a bar. All was well until I had a bit too much to drink and swayed as I tried to get up, leading to him grabbing me by my waist and holding me on his lap. Never would I have cared if it was any other male friend, but I have not been able to stop thinking about the way his hands felt on my waist along with other things.

I am pretty sure he is straight. I have no confirmation or denial about it, but I have no indications he is gay either and we live in a fairly conservative area. I feel disgusting because I can’t stop thinking about him and fantasising. How do I stop this? I don’t know how to get over it. Fuck.

Hsv1 or 2?

Well after about 5 months on Sniffies, I think I got my first STD... maybe. I'm a side, so I don't top or bottom. Just into J/O, oral, swallowing cum, makeout, etc... And I've done this with maybe 10 different guys since I've joined. Well a couple weeks ago, I played with another guy who would not allow me to touch or suck his dick because he likes frot and wanted to keep his underwear on. He desperately wanted to suck MY dick, and I love being on the receiving end so I obliged after our long frot session....

So I think a week or so has passed, and I got this slightly burning sensation on my upper thigh in my crotch right where the leg meets the torso. I didn't think anything of it, till a few days later I looked down underneath there and I had these UGLY things that looked like extra large pimples, with large white round heads that looked like they wanted to be "popped".

I resisted popping in case it was something that spread. I did a TeleDoc virtual visit which allowed me to upload a clear photo to the doctor. She quickly diagnosed herpes, and prescribed 1 gram of acyclovir. I started taking it and like magic it cleared up FAST!!!

I've already had mouth herpes before in my teens, but it's been dormant for over 20 years, never had flare ups on the mouth again once I got older (in my forties now). And blood test shows positive for HSV1 but not 2.

This is my first time having genital herpes, and I am just wondering, can both HSV 1 and HSV 2 cause that? I am just wondering which one it could be and if it even matters whether it's 1 or 2?

Also for the purposes of Sniffies, I have viewed LOTS of profiles and not a SINGLE one mentions that they have HSV 1 OR 2, or any other STD other than HIV positive guys. There has GOT to be a good proportion of guys on there that have HSV 1 2 or both, and at no time during the interaction, do they mention in-person or in their profile. Maybe especially if it's dormant, maybe people feel there is no obligation to tell?

What do you guys think about all this? Have any of you gotten herpes from an interaction, and if you DO already have it, do you tell them in private chat or in-person before playing with them? Or are guys just too ashamed or embarrassed to admit, and they go into the interaction secretly hoping nothing will happen? I am just trying to process all of this, and welcome your thoughts.

By the way, I knew it was a risk and take full accountability, so I'm not mad about it really.

HEY uhh can gay people be homophobic?

I'm not trying to be homophobic or anything it's been stuck in my brain for a long and I've been looking into Google and I've never gotten a Straight answer

I won't elaborate much but just HOW?! I've seen people say I can just use a bottle but how tho I genuinely can't comprehend even if I tried won't the water just not go in me? also I need tips on how to loosen up aswell.

(19M) Hey so had a friend who was bicurious and I ended up topping him today and he really enjoyed it. It was his first time being intimate and he lost his virginity with me. He ended up moaning and cumming hands free, etc and told me I had turned him gay which was kinda hot ngl. Was wondering if anyone had a similar experience with a friend?

Having just discovered this subreddit, I hope the title of my post is not too controversial (lol), although I hope it will lead to some good discussion. … I am a contentedly gay man, quite traditionally masculine in appearance and outlook, but I find that my primary attraction to another guy is through shared interests (arts, history, sports), deep conversation and friendship, rather than conventional sexual desire. Indeed it is in the conversation and shared interests that the erotic arousal is largely found. I think that this is how I have always been, but I am becoming more aware of it and more ready to talk about it than I might have been in the past. This is complicated by a strong attraction to smell, which comes before physical attributes. But in any case, the sexualised gay culture does nothing for me.

It would be interesting to know if any other gay men here can relate to or engage with any of this?

Hey, I don't mean to make a post again so soon, but I have more questions and no one to help awnser them with me. One thing I've never really been able to figure out is what my type actually is. I feel like I'm generally more attracted to Black and mixed guys, but that doesn't mean I'm not attracted to other ethnicities. I'd be open to dating a guy of any ethnicity because, for me, it really comes down to his personality, his attitude, and how we connect with each other. When it comes to physical attraction, though, I genuinely don't know how to explain my preferences. There's no specific look where I can point at a guy and say, "Yep, that's definitely my type." My friends used to joke that my type was short guys with curly hair, which is honestly pretty funny considering I was the tallest person in my entire senior class. I guess I can see where they got that idea, but it's not like I have some strict checklist of qualities a guy needs to have for me to find him attractive. Sometimes I'll see a guy and think he's really attractive, and then I'll see someone who looks completely different and feel the exact same way. It's like my brain refuses to settle on one particular type. Honestly, it's kind of mind-boggling. I don't know if I'm overthinking it or if I'm just someone who doesn't have a specific type. I know personality matters a lot to me, and I want to be with someone I genuinely connect with, but I'm still trying to understand my own preferences when it comes to men. Does anyone else feel like they don't really have a type, or does your type change depending on the person?

So I matched with a man on hinge, we were having a great conversation( haven’t met in person yet) and then we switched to the topic of bedroom interests. The conversation led us to discover that he is vers and I am more of a bottom. I told him I have only bottomed 2 times in my life and I have never topped, but don’t really have an interest in topping. Gave a detailed reason to why. We disconcerted that he really needs someone who is also vers so we decided that we wouldn’t move forward. I’d love to hear everyone’s thoughts.

It's happening. After thinking about it for the better part of 34 years, I've finally scheduled my surgery with Dr. Bidair for mid January. It's feeling surreal to have this actually on the calendar and to constantly realize my foreskin will be gone in less than 3 months. Can't wait but also scared!

Since turning 50, have you noticed an increase in attention from other men? Or has it been the opposite?

I’m a 30-year-old gay man currently in nursing school, and I honestly just need somewhere to get this off my chest.
When I started nursing school, I was genuinely excited. I was finally working toward something I’ve wanted for so long. I was ready to focus on my education, make new friends, and build a better future for myself.
But somewhere along the way, I developed a crush on one of my male classmates.
And what started as a harmless little crush has become something I’ve struggled with emotionally.
He’s genuinely a good guy. He’s funny, kind, easy to talk to, and someone I’ve started building a friendship with. We joke around, text about school, help each other with assignments, and talk about our clinical experiences.
The problem? I don’t even know if he’s attracted to men. He could very well be straight.
And I know that.
But sometimes my heart gets ahead of my head.
I find myself overthinking the smallest things. A text message. A smile. A nickname. Whether he starts a conversation or how he responds to something I say.
Some days I feel completely okay, and other days I catch myself wondering whether I’m imagining a connection that isn’t actually romantic.
The hardest part is that **I genuinely value his friendship.** I don’t want to make him uncomfortable, push him away, or lose something good simply because I developed feelings.
And honestly, I miss the version of myself who could focus on nursing school without constantly having someone on my mind.
I’m trying to remind myself that it’s okay to have feelings for someone without needing those feelings to turn into a relationship.
I’m learning that not every connection is meant to become romantic. Sometimes someone enters your life simply to become a good friend.
I’m also learning that I can’t control how someone feels about me, but I can control how I take care of myself.
I want to become a nurse. I want to succeed in school. I want to experience a healthy, mutual kind of love someday.
And I don’t want to lose myself waiting for something that might never happen.
So right now, I’m trying to choose peace over overthinking, friendship over expectations, and my future over uncertainty.
**Has anyone else ever developed feelings for a friend or classmate who might not even be capable of returning those feelings? How did you learn to let go of the romantic hope without losing the friendship?** 💛

Hello there, I've been pan for many years. I've wanted to bottom for a long time. Issue? I always end up being a nervous wreck and start talking myself down from it. In a few hours my boyfriend and I are going to be seeing each other, whether or not anything sexual happens is yet to be seen. I want to know a few things, is being nervous normal? Is there anything I should be aware of during the act, like what's a normal feeling vs a feeling that indicates I should stop immediately? I trust them wholly and I know they won't continue if I tell them to stop. But I don't necessarily want them to stop unless it's something I should definitely be wary of. So uhh....please give me all the advice you can, all of it will be greatly appreciated.

I’ve been Friends with this guy for a year now and I’ve had a crush on him for a very long time. First I was sad because I thought he was straight, but then I found out he was bi. But he was still dating a girl so I tried to throw in the towel (it didn’t work), and I thought he would never date a guy. After a while my feelings got quieter but they were still there, until he broke up with his girlfriend and I thought it was my chance…. Until he started crushing on another guy he just met and they are going on a date. So now it’s making me realize he will only see me as a friend because he knows I’m gay. But I don’t think I’m his type or ever will be. I’m not confident to make any type of moves and I lost my window to do so. Now I’m just sad most of the time trying to get over him and still trying to get a crumb of attention from him. Has anyone been in a situation like this?