How do you build self esteem and self confidence on your own during adulthood without any support system?

For someone who doesn't have social circle, no mentors, no role model, nothing to look up to, how is it? Is it possible? I think my saving grace is medias to consume. Looking for advices.

I went for a checkup to see about my exhaustion and I also told the doctor that I have anxiety because when he checked my pulse i had a heart rate of above 100.

I told him i struggle talking to people and I feel really uncomfortable and he just laughed at me saying a girl who studied at that college has social anxiety? And just laughed.

I felt weird like is this how a doctor is supposed to react to someone who says they have anxiety? Are all doctors this way? I was thinking of seeing a psychologist now im not so sure.

I am 18 years old and am currently an electrical apprentice, but I know that I don’t want to do this for a career anymore. I want to get a regular job right now and go to school at a community college until I figure out exactly what I want to do, then finish at a major university. I live with my parents and they are super supportive and great parents. I don’t understand why I’m scared to tell my parents I want to go back to school and get a job because I know they’d be happy for me and support me no matter what. Thanks for the help

So, I’m 24f and I have been unemployed for the longest time which means I don’t get out much. Most of my days consist of staying home because I don’t have a car, job, or friends. When I was high school student it wasn’t much different. I just went to school and then went straight back home. Now don’t get me wrong, I do have hobbies. I like reading , listening to music and watching shows. But that’s about it , since I can’t really afford to do much else. I noticed in social situations ,though , I don’t have very much to say. For instance, I was talking to a cashier and she asked about my plans. But because literally my day consists of those four things I mentioned , that felt almost impossible to answer, to which I ended up responding “just relaxing.” I could see the look on the cashiers face which looked to be confused and uncomfortable. I feel like most people would have a better response to that question but I literally didn’t know what to say because nothing goes on in my life. In fact, after I paid for my stuff, I looked over my shoulder and saw that the cashier was having a much better time conversing with other shoppers. Which made me feel like obviously it’s a me issue.

It’s the same in Ubers. Sometimes I am asked about my day and what I got going on, but I usually don’t know how to respond, so I’ll just say something like “just chilling” or “nothing much” but I feel like this makes people uncomfortable because they probably don’t know how to respond to that. It got me to wondering too, how am i gonna date if I don’t have things to talk about ? Because obviously in a date you have something interesting to say otherwise it makes you come off as bland. And honestly I consider myself an attractive person and I probably wouldn’t have trouble finding someone to date, but I think my looks are the only thing I got going for myself. My actual social skills is what’s hindering me from making good connections with people I feel like. Unfortunately I’m not sure how to fix this, because nothing goes on in my life. I feel like most people don’t want to hear what book you’ve been reading or what games you’ve been playing. They want to hear about “real adult things.” Or whatever.

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I really want to learn how to interact normally with women, but I feel completely stuck and overwhelmed by my own thoughts. This happens everywhere, but especially at work.

​Whenever I interact with female coworkers, a voice in my head screams: "If you talk to her too casually, she's going to think you're hitting on her. If you look at her, she'll think you're staring. She's going to think you're creepy, cheap, or have bad intentions." Because of this fear, I feel massive tension and don't even know what a normal daily conversation with a woman is supposed to look like.

​I manage okay with male colleagues because it feels neutral, but with women, my brain treats every interaction like a high-stakes test. I'm terrified of making anyone uncomfortable.

​To the women here: What do you actually think when a male coworker or a guy in public talks to you normally? And to everyone: How do I stop viewing women through this anxious lens, quiet these thoughts, and learn to just treat them like normal human beings?

26F. Have tried various therapies over the years, the last one made me really depressed. I know my low self esteem comes from childhood neglect, and have cut my family off as they triggered me. I've moved around a lot, and had a lot of jobs. Been to uni, got a degree, not using it at all. Diagnosed ADHD and in the titration period so meds don't seem to have an effect yet.

My friends describe me as someone kind, inclusive, honest and someone that cares too much about what other people think of me.

Recently broken up with my boyfriend of 4 years, partly due to low self esteem ruining my life.

Has anyone been in a similar boat, has it improved? How has it? What did you do? I feel like I'm always trying to do the right things, and nothing changes. I always feel like this.

How to set limits and boundaries when you have low self esteem ?

I am new to this company (1 month) and I work as a secretary. My co worker is also new , she joined a week before me. She works as financial helper. She has her own office.

I work directly with the owner of the company and my office is inside the same place as the owner. We have a big floor and there's a big sign outside the door that says "do not enter" so if someone wants to come they would knock on the door and they should talk to me because I am the secretary.

Now..this girl gets too personal to me, and I try to avoid her because I'm trying to be professional but I can't, when I go to eat without telling her she makes comments "oh! You went to have lunch without me!" , I didn't say anything and tried to be nice, I chat with her ..ect.

I told her to not come to my place if it's not work related, but she keeps coming and saying "hey! I'm.checking on you!" Last time she tried to get into the owner place and I stopped her, but I didn't have the courage to say "this place is off limit" I just said "they can see you don't go!" I didn't communicate well..

I get off work at 4pm, she started coming at 4pm and tell me "let's go!" That was uncomfortable because last time we had visitors and she just came to tell me we need to go, I told her respectfully to not come again, I know times over at 4pm. We had visitors and i was afraid they see her because she's not allowed in there.

I texted her and explained to her to not come again unless it's related to work, I also explained some specific thing, I said "when you give Me a document, please explain to me what is it clearly" She Said "I don't know" I replied with "how? You made the document you should know!"

Later that day she took it personally and accused me of telling her she's bad at her work...

Today however. I was trying to print some document, my boss told me it was secret document and no body should see it, but the printer stopped working. So my boss sent another CO worker to help me. We were just trying to figure it out but she randomly came to help us. I did not ask for help, and because the document was secret I was afraid it would print and she would see the document. So I told her "can you please leave us alone?" She made angry face and left. Later she called me rude.

I don't know how to deal with her, I try to set boundaries as you can see but I have low self esteem, I'm trying my best to communicate.

I already communicated clearly (I believe) , I try to avoid her at lunch I have changed my whole lunch time so I never meet her, but I know this is not possible, I know I need to be strong and communicate clearly but some people just don't understand boundaries and I'm kinda new to setting them. Please advice me .

I feel my heart racing when I communicate, but I want to change. But at the same time I don't want to sound rude, please advice me.

**Huge approach anxiety 😥**
**I’m super shy not and confident at all…I prefer to avoid conversations with women because I’m afraid I’ll say something wrong…I see myself as uninteresting and always considered myself not being good enough for anyone…These feelings are killing me and in don’t know how to overcome and fight them…I’m desperate for someone to love…**

I have been job hunting for 8 months and unemployed for 5 months. It is incredibly frustrating to go through the same cycle of rejections/ghostings and having my time utterly wasted. The longer this period goes, the more humiliating and tormenting it becomes. I especially feel this way after I botched a recent interview for a position I really wanted. I feel like I'm constantly reminded of the fact I can't find a job- saving money in increasingly stringent ways, resorting to food pantries, it always inevitably coming up in conversation with others. It is increasingly feeling like a fantasy to ever find a job- letalone somewhere I'd actually feel happy.

I know my unemployment is not all my fault, these conditions are artificially created to keep me exploited. But I still often feel completely worthless and that I am pretty much worthless in the current job market. I try to spend my time volunteering, caring for my plants, biking and playing video games, but the void of stagnation is still always present.

I know if I got hired somewhere it wouldn't fix all my problems, but it would at least help my life feel a lot less stagnant.

hi, i'm f21 and i was born with a cleft lip that affected my appearance. i was an outcast in childhood, the good kids kept their distance, and the bad ones bullied me. i've been working on socialising and confidence with a psychologist. also i've made a few really good friends. however, i still feel very uncomfortable and awkward around new people. i don't communicate with anyone except my small close circle, anything outside my comfort zone makes me nervous and anxious. i feel like i’m incapable of trust and closeness, because i distance myself the second someone tries to get to know me. it’s tiring, i wanna feel comfortable around people

Say, you're around folks who are full of healthcare workers, lawyers, finance buffs, and professors, so just by proximity I'm below them.

say you're older than everyone else like 10 years older and you're a day trader 

subconsciously People here think the financial markets are a gambler's den and everybody eventually loses everything they have. The fact that I could work in my pyjamas from my bedroom doesn't help either. They think it's not a real job. A real job involves reporting to an office at 9 in the morning.

How do I stop feeling insecure/ashamed in the fact that I don't work an office / real job and that I don't have my life fixed? Even though There's a lot of benefits of doing this job because it allows me to spend time with my mom, cook for myself, a bit of freedom, etc

Recently, my friends and I went on a night out, and one of my friends invited two girls, one of whom was my classmate. I was also interested in one of the girls, which probably made me even more self-conscious.

The entire trip, I barely talked to either of them. I felt awkward, didn't know what to say, and couldn't bring myself to join conversations naturally. I wanted to interact with them and enjoy the experience, but I just couldn't get out of my own head.

The thing is, this isn't limited to strangers or girls I'm interested in. I'm generally awkward around new people, and I sometimes feel awkward even around my own family. I overthink social interactions and don't always feel comfortable expressing myself freely.

I'm also shy about taking pictures in public. I feel awkward posing for photos and become too conscious of people watching me. Even something as simple as standing naturally in front of a camera can feel uncomfortable.

Honestly, I'm tired of feeling this way. I want to become more confident, charismatic, funny, and socially comfortable. I want to be able to talk to people without constantly worrying about what to say or how I'm coming across. I want to express myself freely, participate in conversations, make people laugh, and enjoy social situations instead of feeling like I'm holding myself back.

I'm not looking for some overnight transformation or tricks to impress people. I genuinely want to improve myself and become a more socially confident person.

For those of you who have overcome similar struggles:

• How did you stop feeling awkward around people, including your own family?
• How do you stop overthinking what others think of you?
• How can I become better at starting and maintaining conversations?
• How do you develop charisma, humor, and a more confident presence?
• How can I become comfortable taking pictures and posing in public?
• What practical habits or exercises can I practice daily to improve?

I'd appreciate honest advice, personal experiences, book recommendations, or anything that has genuinely helped you.

I don't want to keep avoiding situations or regretting missed opportunities. I want to start working on myself and become someone who feels comfortable being himself around others.

F/25. I’m having a hard time being fixated on my appearance recently and would like some advice about getting out of a rut. I genuinely feel incredibly ugly and repulsed by myself to the point where I struggle to look in the mirror and choose baggy clothes everyday.

I’m quite level headed and I know that I’m a reasonably attractive person on paper. For appearance; I keep it pretty natural with no make up and lash lifts/ balayaged hair. I have a strong hourglass figure but could probably lose 10-20 pounds. Despite health complications, I know I have good things going for me like I own a house, have a degree, low level creative job, social media outlet, a boyfriend everyone loves (8+ years) ect.

I know that my life is fine and I also probably look fine. But I can’t shake this fixation on my appearance, I’m up late most nights googling weight loss pills, looking at old pictures of myself, watching plastic surgery before vs after videos.

I genuinely feel so disgusting. Any advice??

What is the one single thing guaranteed to happen for everyone, regardless of market situations, natural disasters, or economic collapse?

I met a girl in the bus today, we were having a good time, but during the end when we had to say good bye and all I just got a bit like idk how to say a lil bit awkward and overwhelmed, sometime it happens in between a conversation too, how to deal with this?? Btw I'm also a female so it was just a

Im male, 19. Im high functioning autistic, AD/HD. And high social anxiety. I tend to be inside a lot and its not what I wanna do. I wanna go out and meet people and do things like other people my age are doing but I cant. I have very few friends in my area as most are online. The very few I do have are always busy or live a few hours away. Hell im pretty sure im on the verge of loosing one friend because she's growing distant. I just feel stuck. I graduated recently and have been working fast food for 4 months. I was hoping working would be different than school. That i wouldnt be judged and that I could finally come out of my shell. But I feel like nothings changed or its gotten worse if not nothing.

From waiters to strangers to ppl in general seem to show v little respect to me. What cud be possible causes? (Im an avg looking guy whose in his mid 20s altho a bit skinny)

i know, you usually expect to see the complete opposite problem.

To start this off, around two years ago I(17) completely lost all my progress with this outgrowing ‘social anxiety’ shit, I had the worst year of my entire life, nothing major outside of my minds eye, just a lot of revelations and loss of initial beliefs. This completely depleted my whole lifes progress, and that might sound dramatic, but its so true! Growing up this anxiety filled child, it took me this long to get where I was, and man did i get GOOD. I was speaking to everyone, no problem, no second thoughts, just finally cramming out of that rock solid shell.

Well that depressing period stripped it all away. I became so unlikeable, even my friends dipped. We didn’t argue, just distanced, but I know its my fault.

However, this following year ive been retracing my old habits of when i used to be happy, being the personable person i once was. And one thing about likeable people is that theyre very curious creatures. they dont make everything about themselves yada yada yada, you probably already know this. anyway, in every conversation i have, even if it is about me, say i just had the worst dentist appointment in the world, id be like ‘yeah, that molar hurt like a bitch, i felt like shit afterwards, didnt you?’ or ‘im so scared for this test, i feel like we didnt study enough’ like what? I get so in my head about the fear of making everything about myself that i start almost offending people by accident? is there any way i can stop that from happening? How do i get rid of this guilt of just talking about myself?

Hi im 23 years old just working part time, i feel behind and i lack confidence. I want to find a new job but my anxiety of speaking/talking keeps failing me on my interviews. English is not my first language and I’m really insecure with my accent and grammar. Any tips on how to overcome this problem?

I set a big goal for myself at work this year, and I also told my manager about it. I want to achieve this goal, of course, but what’s happening now is that I keep worrying I won’t achieve it. I know I don’t have to achieve the goal, but I want to and I feel like I can. However, reaching for it is becoming so stressful. Is anyone else like this?

I used to be pretty social in high school but after getting concussion from football, I now get this pretty anxious cough almost vomiting/nausea when in super big crowds. I can do some social outings here and there but it feels like the end of the world. Anyone experience this and what has helped?? I’m now 35 with little ones and a wife and I know that there will be more new and more outings to come when they are older

i’m an extrovert but i really struggle with this, and i need your tips because it’s starting to affect my mental health. we already know how difficult the social scene is in unis, and because of my inability to approach i’ve ended up with very few friends and social opportunities. it has caused me a great amount of stress.

i’m self-aware enough to know it’s because i have a fear of rejection. i have extremely low self-esteem and i try to combat it by making myself appear confident in social interactions. it works completely fine, i’ve been told i seem super self-assured and am an excellent communicator. but when it comes to being the first person making a move, such as walking up to a person and just striking up a conversation or trying to integrate myself into a bigger group interaction, my confidence falls to rock bottom and i don’t have the guts to even move.

i’m afraid i’ll get a negative reaction or be ignored, and that is one of the few things that really embarrasses me. on the flip side, if someone talks to me first (even briefly), i’m immediately able to seize control of the convo and move with confidence. i feel like it may be because this signals to my brain that this person is not unwelcoming to an interaction with me, while otherwise the uncertainty scares me. however, i’ve come to learn that people are intimidated by me outwardly and do not readily interact first — so this scenario happens very little.

i really need help building confidence in this department! give me your best tips ^^

I was in a program where we had to interact with professionals, participate in group discussions, and speak up in social settings. Obviously, we were nervous. It was a new environment, and not everyone is immediately comfortable speaking around professionals.

On the very first day, one of our mentors literally called me out and asked, "Do you have social anxiety?"

BRO, WHY WOULD YOU ASK ME THAT?

You think someone in a mentoring position would understand that pointing out someone's insecurity, especially in a group setting, could make them even more uncomfortable.

We're on good terms now, but I still wonder why he thought that was an appropriate thing to say on the first day.

Was he trying to help me become more confident? Was it just an observation? Did he think calling me out would somehow make me open up?
I genuinely want to understand what goes through someone's mind when they do something like that.

Have you ever had someone point out your insecurity when you were already nervous? Why do you think people do this, especially when they're in a mentoring position?