I came to my parents place to help for a few weeks and it’s going on 4 months. My brother just dumped it on me even though I’m 3000 miles away and he’s 30 miles away. My job is suffering and I will probably lose it. My husband is going through an extremely difficult time and he’s doing his best to support me from afar but I try to shield him from my anxiety. I haven’t slept properly in months. I don’t talk to anyone about it because I don’t want to just complain. I tried talking to my brother and he just ghosts me.

I don’t feel like anyone sees me. And they all say things like „you need to take care of yourself“ and my stupid sister in law just grills me on whether this „situation“ as she calls my parents is why I’m losing my job and I just had to leave the room in tears.

Hello, 28 F here and a caregiver to my mother (58 F) and grandmother (82 F). I've always wanted kids preferably 2 a boy and a girl (obviously I know you get what you get) but after being a caregiver for my mom and grandma I'm really questioning if motherhood is for me. I work 50+ hours a week and I'm currently emotionally and physically drained like I'm on the verge of crying as I type this I'm so exhausted. I've always told my long-term boyfriend I want kids, but now I'm questioning if it's really for me. Any input is greatly appreciated.

hi, i’m 22 and my mom is 51. she has lung issues and sleep apnea. she is required to wear oxygen and sleep with a CPAP mask. she also suffers from depression and anxiety.

my caregiving started back when i was 14. my grandmother had similar issues to what my mom has now and i was the one who went in to all of her appointments with her, stayed with her in the ER/hospital, etc.

by the time i turned 18, my mom had her first hospital stay for her issues. i had been admitted to college, i was saying goodbye to my grandma before leaving and she told me “i don’t know what we’re gonna do without you.” because i was the biggest help to her and now to my mom. i got into my dorm room and had panic attacks all night and ended up dropping our from the guilt i felt leaving them.

i came home and pretty much threw myself into the caregiving role with them both. when i was 19 my grandma passed away. and since then it has heavily affected my mom’s mental health.

after i dropped out of college i was jobless until i was 21. i finally got a job and i enjoyed it, but my mom started to decline without me here 24/7. i didn’t get a chance to get my drivers license growing up and have struggled to get practice in, so she was my main source of transportation. she started not being able to get me there in time and i would have to run to work last minute, or i would have to walk home. my job required me to work out of town once a month. so i ended up having to leave because it isnt feasible as she is declining.

my grandma lived almost 2 more decades after she was diagnosed. she kept up on her doctors trips and her health, she did things for herself. my mom, on the other hand, has seemingly just.. given up. the only time she moves is to go to the car or to go to the bathroom. she doesnt go into stores, she doesnt have any hobbies. she sits in her chair all day watching tv or being on her phone. i try to encourage her to move, to do things, walk the extra few steps to the refrigerator to get her own drink when she’s thirsty… but she just wont. i can’t get her to make her follow up appointments with her doctors, she talked to one over a year ago about a surgery they wanted to do that could really help her. it required her to lose weight and stop smoking for 6 months. but we can’t get her to try. she promised me 4 years ago she was done smoking cigarettes, and just about 2 days ago she told me she was having her “last day of smoking“ before taking a hit of one the next day. and she for some reason wants to chain smoke weed… im saying she wants to have about 6-8 joints, two at a time, a day. she had medication for her depression that she takes at night, but it caused a really odd lucid dreaming spell and it scared both her and my dad and i.

recently, it has been a fight to get her CPAP mask on her at night. she falls asleep in her chair over and over for hours, you wake her up to try to get it on her and she gives a “i’ll do it in just a minute!, i’m awake!, or wait, i need to use the bathroom first!” and then she’ll sit there and not do anything and doze off again. and then just a cycle. she was hospitalized 2 times in one month from sleeping without the mask and getting an over abundance of CO2 in her, which causes her to be INCREDIBLY confused (last time she went in, i asked her the year and she said it was 203052.) . it is to the point i am up until 7:30 in the morning just trying to get her to put it on, crying my eyes out begging her while she acts like im just being an asshole and trying to fight her. what i’m doing is trying to avoid hospitalizations.

i have tried nicely with her, i have spent years crying and begging and trying to get her to hear me out on how this affects us too and how worth it is to keep trying to get better… at this point i feel like she doesnt care to be in my future. she doesnt care to try and continue forward with her life. i’m already holding onto w LOT of grief because i have lost over 6 people i love dearly since i was 17… i’ve begged her to try and she just wont. i feel like i’m using all of my will to live trying to get her to want to be alive. i want my own life, i havent gotten to move out of my parents house, i havent gotten to keep a job for more than a year. and honestly, resentment is growing. i just want my mommy with me when my life begins but at the same time i feel like i cant let my life begin because i am the only one in my family that actually enforces her to not smoke or to put her mask on… i have two older sisters but they haven’t helped. i was 17 calling the hospital to check her condition and figure things out while my sisters were in their twenties not wanting to call the hospital because they refuse to make calls. i feel like if i move out or if i actually let my life begin, she‘s just going to die because she gives up and nobody else in my family has shown they can step up for me. and then i’m going to be entirely taken down by the grief i have been fighting so hard to avoid.

i keep losing my temper and yelling at her because i don’t understand why she wont try, why she’s so stubborn. why my sisters and i arent enough to make her want to live. my oldest sister and i have both come to her saying we feel suicidal because we feel like she’s given up and it’s too hard to witness. its like nothing gets through her head. which has lead me to this point of just being angry and yelling and i know its not helping and i usually just end up walk away in tears and with a deep hurt and disgust in myself. i’m just so tired. i feel like she’s killing me right with her. she swears she’s trying to get better and that she isnt trying to just let herself die, but her actions are speaking so much louder than anything she says.

it’s just killing me. i used to be happy, i used to be full of optimism and excitement for my life. but now i’m so mad. sometimes i beg god to just kill me. i’ve lost my enjoyment for life. and its not just because of her condition, i have a lot going wrong in my life. but when i look at my mom and i think about all the ways and times she could have avoided getting to this point she at now, i just feel so angry and hurt. i don’t know how to get her to want to try. i don’t know what i can do to get life worth living again for us both.

I had to leave my partner I was living with and caregiving to due to the escalation in his abusive tactics towards me. Exacerbated by the fact that he fell down the stairs and may have suffered a concussion that was making it difficult to control his angry outbursts (anger at his life situation overall, but he'd direct it toward me and his children a lot of times).

I was with this man everyday, probably 20 hours per day, tending to his every need.

Now I am alone and without a purpose. I still work from my computer a few days a week, as I've always done. Other than that, I feel empty and feel like I have no purpose since no one "needs" me anymore. Can anyone relate, and does anyone have any advice? Thank you in advance.

I recently started working in-home care for a married couple, and I’m already feeling overwhelmed by the interactions with the husband.

During my first overnight shift, I was still learning their routines and where everything was. While helping him wash up in the morning, he asked me to wash his “creases.” I asked him to show me what he meant so I could help properly. When I tried, he got frustrated and said he’d do it himself. Later, he raised his voice when I couldn’t find his mouthwash. These might sound like small things, but the way he spoke to me made me feel stupid for asking questions as a new caregiver.

I wanted to give it a chance because I need the work, but today got worse. My anxiety became high enough that I contacted my supervisor and asked whether someone could relieve me. I also asked about being placed somewhere else. My supervisor called, and I appreciated feeling listened to and supported.
After that, I felt like almost everything I said was being taken the wrong way. I tried giving them space and doing laundry while the nurse was there. The washer wouldn’t spin or drain, and I was accused of breaking it. When I explained that I needed to let it go through its cycles because I couldn’t set it directly to spin, I was accused of telling them what to do.
We eventually figured out the washer issue. I explained to the wife that I wanted to prevent them or another caregiver from having the same problem, and that I wanted the rest of the evening to go smoothly.

The husband then said he’d left positive comments about me in the app and had hoped I would stay. He said he was sad it wasn’t going to work out. I apologized and explained that I didn’t think the placement was a good fit, but that I still wanted us to have a good evening.

I told them I cared about their well-being as well as my own. He responded that I didn’t care because I had called my boss. They also made comments to the nurse suggesting I had “daddy issues” or had been abused, which felt incredibly personal and inappropriate.

At another point, I was told to stay in the kitchen and that I was upsetting him when I was simply asking what they wanted with dinner. I’ve been trying to stay calm, give them space, and remain available to help, but I feel stuck and uncomfortable.
I understand that having someone new in your home helping with personal care can be difficult. I’m trying to consider their perspective, too. But I also feel like I should be able to ask questions and communicate without being spoken to this way.
I’ve asked not to return to this home and expressed interest in other placements or helping with appointments. I want to keep working; I just don’t think this particular home is a good fit.

Am I being overly sensitive, or is asking for a different placement reasonable? How would other caregivers handle this?

My dad has Parkinson's and I (26y/o) have to take care of him

My mom unfortunately passed away a month ago and she helped me take care of him

But now it's just me

I live with him as I've always

But my room is upstairs and he falls so I have to sleep in the same room as him and I rarely if ever get to go to my room or really have any time for myself I have to do so much for him my mom used to cook and do so much for us but now I have to do everything I have adhd and depression so it's hard and it feels like what I do isn't enough and I don't have really any time for me

I miss her

Am I wrong for missing having time for me?

My mom has had nine strokes, but she can still walk, talk, eat, and do most things independently. She mainly struggles with short-term memory loss and processes things differently now. Her previous apartment wasn’t suitable for her new needs, so I just got her a new apartment and hired outside caregivers to be there almost 24/7. (I plan on being there a lot of the time as well)

I’ve gotten her furniture and basic necessities, but I want to make her home as safe, comfortable, and functional as possible. I’m thinking of things like corner guards, an electric can opener, and other helpful everyday items. I’ve also wondered whether a cat or small dog might be beneficial for companionship. (I know I will be fully responsible for the pet’s care and expenses)

I’m super excited to bring her home and I want everything to be as perfect and comfortable as possible, she’s been through so much already ! Thoughts?

Same old story. Mom has not done her PT exercises really at all and now she is showing signs of having difficulty getting around with her walker. She can still walk okay with the walker but she is getting much slower. I TOLD her this would happen..repeatedly. I told her I am afraid of what comes next because I am not able to lift her and I may sound like a shitty person but I am not willing to provide that level of intensive care..I will not make it mentally.

So she tells me oh I will just move in with Billy ( my 33 year old son). Uh no..I told her that this is not a slumber party. If you are unable to even walk you will have to be in a facility. I am just done. I am afraid I will drop dead before I get to enjoy my life

I do not get the not bothering to do your damn PT exercises..maybe she would be in better shape now maybe not..but we will never know. And she lies about doing them too..drives me crazy

First post in this sub. I guess I'm looking for advice from others who have experienced this too. I'm a full-time caregiver for my mom who has lung cancer (in remission), COPD, and recently, has been showing signs of possible dementia. I'm 32, work full-time and have no family in the area that we live in. I've basically put my life on hold for the last 4-5 years to take care of my mom. My family lives 7 hours away and many of my family members aren't able to make the trip out to visit or help based on a variety of (valid) reasons. So it's just me, trying to do the best I can with my mom but I just feel like each day is something new. Almost like a game of whac-a-mole where something new pops up each day. My mom and I have a great relationship and always have, but at the same time, this is admittedly really hard, as I'm sure many of you know. I manage all of her appointments, medications (several), drive her to her appointments, help with daily tasks, etc. So my question is: how do you make time for yourself to recharge and just relax? I feel like I'm really struggling with burnout right now and I'm just not sure how to navigate it. Any help or advice is appreciated.

My dad (80) was outside the other day in his scooter. He fell out of his scooter, said it moved on his own. I went back and watched the video and he was leaving over so far, the scooter didn't move, he did. I think he fell out of it on purpose. For attention? To try to prove he can't do anything? Am I crazy for thinking this? I showed the video to a few others and they agree that he made himself fall.

The thickest and most absorbent adult diapers I know of are Reassure - Reassure Premium Overnight Women's Diapers. Are there any other brands of adult diapers as thick as Reassure?

Hi there. My grandparents are in the high 90s and still live alone far away from our families. They are still able to do stuff on their own (to some extent) but we no longer feel comfortable with them being on their own. We are wanting to find someone who will either live with them or move them into a community where people can check on them. Not necessarily a senior living home but maybe a neighborhood where they can still have their own home.

We aren’t sure where to begin looking especially regarding where to find an in home caregiver that is trustworthy. For some context they are in west Los Angeles area if anyone has any recommendations! Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

My wife has had both her right bicep tendons rupture at the shoulder, and her rotator cuff is torn and also needs repair per a recent MRI. She is 69, nearing 70, and has Alzheimer's; she is weak and frail at 95lbs, dropping nearly 20 pounds in a matter of months without trying, is unsteady and rarely moves about, and has back pain issues; she has had multiple issues and hospitalizations this year alone, and I'm not sure she (or I) can withstand the surgery and long recovery and intense physical therapy on her dominant arm that takes 6 months to a year for a normal person without further complications. I'm thinking it may be best to avoid the surgery... What are your thoughts?

I began caretaking for my dad (53) when I was 19. Over the past three years of caring for him, the longest I've been away from his side is 12 hours.

12 hours is the limit we've set, he can't be on his own longer than that; but this really throws a wrench into relationships and friendships. I can't feasibly stay the night at someone's house because my dad needs me first thing in the morning. I have to turn down every invitation from friends to go to the beach or to travel out of state because that almost always takes more than 12 hours. I'm always the first one to leave hangouts because I have to get back home.

There is no other family willing to help, and we don't have money to afford a caregiver.

This could be my entire twenties, maybe thirties, spent like this.

My family all seem to think I'm a saint for taking on this role, but it's not like I had a choice. no one else was going to do it.

My mother has alzheimers (we get the diagnosis Monday).

In August she had a UTI which we treated.

She started with no insurance, no identification, and low income.

I've gotten her IDs and insurance(insurance kicks in monday). We've been to GP x 3, Urgent cares, Emergency rooms, neurology, labs, radiology.

I have 3k in debt from traveling back and forth to her, 1 k in medical bill debt.

She has moderate to severe volume loss and moderate to severe small vessel ischemia.

She will not shower even with the nurses I've paid for out of pocket.

My brother (cancer survivor) still has ongoing medical issues and can no longer adequately care for her.

APS said she was cognitive and could walk and we couldn't stop her.

IHSS cannot do an evaluation until July of 2027 and she won't have care until then.

I've notified her entire neighborhood and they direct her back home often.

Her morning walks are the same route and same diner so they know and watch her go back home (I didn't ask they offered).

I have 2 kids at home 8 and 13.

I'd like to move her in with us but the doctor warned me that with her decline she can get physically abusive with the kids. It also means my 8 yo would no longer have a room.

She still remember some things.

She still loves walking because her hips hurt.

Hello everyone F20, I have been thinking that I'm being treated poorly because of being a caregiver for my grandma. It's been going on for a year now and my pay has gone from $100 down to $50, and I work full weeks with her no days off except when my grandma goes back to my aunt's for a week. This is the only income I have atm and my Aunt is saying since I live here bills and food etc. need to be paid (she's mainly in charge of my grandmas house plus I didn't plan to live here my brother had us move in together but nowhere on bad terms) so my own pay will go down, but the thing is I'm not even a licensed caregiver I give my grandma her pills not even sure what I'm giving her I'm also dealing with cooking and cleaning and worse my grandma has a horrible fussing problem at me since I was a kid, so I have grown resentment towards her, and she has dementia and Alzheimer's, so I'm dealing with all of that at once it feels like a chore dealing with my grandma rn and my brother is calling me selfish and disrespectful for having an attitude when I'm around the house, but he doesn't even help with my grandma at all and get no help from him on his days off...I'm just wondering how can I confront this behavior she has with me, and should I ask for better pay? I honestly have a hard time saying no regardless, but I'm exhausted by how my family is with me and regret saying yes to this job.

I think (very heavily believe) that my mom has cancer again. shes taking tests for it and we dont know full details yet (ofc I will update when I find out.)

the last time she had cancer I was 14-16. shes always been chronically disabled, but over the last year or two her health has gone horribly down. shes on oxygen, falling more, vomiting more and more... im so overwhelmed already, and just got out of the psych ward a month ago.

personally, I think knew she had cancer again. I feel it in my gut. and I hate that feeling. I felt it for a long time due to how often she throws up. its nearly every other day. im so scared for her.

im already so burnt out, and therapy and coping mechanisms do only so much.

im not fully sure right now if my mom would even make it through chemo in her fragile state of health. but she wouldn't even make it without chemo. I dont know how to handle all of this right now.

I have no support from other family members. my brother, who is evil asf, wants to be her next of kin to control everything (he isn't. im the next of kin because he has NEVER been here for any of her health shit. she and I have talked about it.) I feel very alone, and scared that my mom is going to die.

I dont know when im going to wake up and her not be here anymore, and thats a constant state of fear ive had most, if not all my life due to her health.

I dont know how to accept that my moms death might be sooner then I want.