r/ChildofHoarder • • Sep 08 '26

Virtual live support back--SOPHMI meets Saturday, 9/12 at 8am PT

6 Upvotes

After taking the summer off, SOPHMI will be back for our monthly session this Saturday, September 12th at 8am PT.

SOPHMI stands for Survivors of Parental Hoarding and Mental Illness. It's not a therapy group but a peer-led support group. It's a safe space to share common experiences and encourage without giving advice. We keep the group small so everyone has a chance to participate and share. This is SOOOOOO important. There are still some seats available.

This is a PWYC (pay what you can) group with a minimum cost of $7 and a suggested ticket price of $12, but you can always do more. Honestly, this covers my platform and the sales tax I now have to charge since I'm live but not doing therapy.

Want to find out more? Check it out here:
https://pensight.com/x/cecigrrtcc/sophmi-2025-coh-support

(I've been given permission by the mods to post)

If you haven't been yet, maybe this is the right time.

See you Saturday!


r/ChildofHoarder • • Aug 18 '26

RESOURCE Hoarding and Clutter Assessment Lists: A compilation of Free PDFs and websites from professional sources, with multiple languages avaliable

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30 Upvotes

After seeing a couple of community members struggle to find information about Hoarding and Clutter assessment checklists, I have compiled an easy to access post with a list of freely avaliable lists, mostly in PDF format, so you can download them and print them if you would like.

All Copyright and the such is with the authors of said lists, who are credited where able.

The best lists avaliable are from FREE sources that do not contain ads at all.

They can be useful for a personal sanity check, but they will not suddenly cause the hoarder to realise something is wrong, or be able to justify legal interventions. Only professionals have the capability to do that.

You can use these lists to help describe to people who are relevent in your situation*,* such as CPS, therapists, and authorities, what the status of the home is, and what PPE must be worn within it in order to enter safely (suprise: PPE is often needed at a lower hoarding level than you may expect)

It should also be noted that there is NO SINGLE STANDARD LIST OR RATING SCALE. These lists are all for different purposes, and as such, it is acceptable to utilise a few to get a well rounded look at what is occuring in the home. Some capture the functional impact of clutter, others are scales of visual presence of clutter, and others consider the behaviours behind the clutter accumulation. The medical grade lists are still in development in line with diganostic practices of assessment and the upcoming DSM changes (A study about the development of this can be found freely avaliable here: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2914137/

From the Philidelphia Hoarding Task Force website www.philadelphiahoarding.org

Clutter Image Rating Scale (Frost) (Note, this scale is currently being debated and re worked, and is meant to not be used as an exact 1:1 of what a home interior looks like, but instead a generalist example of exessive stuff in rooms to compare)
HOMES Assessment (Bratiotis)
Initial Benchmarks (Philadelphia Hoarding Task Force)

Hoarding Rating Scale Assessment Tool (Frost)
Activities of Daily Living for Hoarding (Frost, Steketee)
Saving Inventory-Revised tool (Frost)
Saving Cognition Inventory (Frost, Steketee)
Home Environment Index (Frost, Steketee)

From the Institute for Challenging Disorganization (ICD) all avaliable in English, French, Japanese, German, Spanish, Portugese, Dutch, and Italian

Safety checklist for entering hoarded areas: https://www.challengingdisorganization.org/resources/clutter-hoarding-scale/

Clutter Quality of Life scale: https://www.challengingdisorganization.org/resources/icd-clutter-quality-of-life-scale/

Collecting, Compulsive Acquiring or Hoarding Behavior? (FS-109): https://www.challengingdisorganization.org/resources/collecting-compulsive-acquiring-or-hoarding-behavior-fs-109/

Characteristics of Individuals Affected by Chronic Disorganization (FS-003): https://www.challengingdisorganization.org/resources/characteristics-of-individuals-affected-by-chronic-disorganization-fs-003/

Tips for Communicating with Individuals Affected by  Chronic Disorganization (FS-007): https://www.challengingdisorganization.org/resources/tips-for-communicating-with-individuals-affected-by-chronic-disorganization-fs-007/

International OCD Foundation:

Does My Loved One Have Hoarding Disorder (HD)?: https://hoarding.iocdf.org/for-families/does-my-loved-one-have-hoarding-disorder-hd/

How HD Affects Families?: https://hoarding.iocdf.org/for-families/how-hd-affects-families/

How to Help a Loved One with HD (this is a safe one, it will not tell you that its your job to fix, and the first step is to actively reduce any accomodation/accidental assistance provided to the hoarder that enables their behaviours. If you are under 18, this section does not apply to you, as you a child in this dynamic and can not fix anything an adult is forcing you to engage with): https://hoarding.iocdf.org/for-families/how-to-help-a-loved-one-with-hd/

Other well researched and thorough sources

FootPrints - Through the clutter - A South Australian handbook and assessment tool: https://www.lga.sa.gov.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0042/475998/lga_h-and-s_sa_flyer-1.pdf

Harm Reduction and Uniform Inspection Checklist: https://www.centerforhoardingandcluttering.com/uniform-inspection-checklist-2/


r/ChildofHoarder • • 14h ago

My mom is addicted to buying me bags of clothes I don’t need and i feel guilt. Tips?

24 Upvotes

I am 17 and live with my lower middle class family and My mom cant stop buying me bags and bags of clothes i wont even wear or need. My room is so cluttered and full and messy bc we have no where to put them because there is no more room and i feel guilt for feeling uoset with it bc i know other kids would love to have all of this stuff while im suffering bc of it. its so overwhelming and i hate being in my room. im also neurodivergent so its harder for me to handle the cluster without shutting down on some days. Every time I tell my mom that I don’t need more clothes and to let me see before buying them she gets super angry and calls me ungrateful. Yet she gets angry when she sees my room cluttered and blames me and says to clean it but obviously I can’t bc the mess is her mess. I have no where to put all the clothes bc everywhere that holds them is full. Clothes are piling everywhere now in my room. Mountains of clothes in front of my closet random huge bags of ordered clothes that I don’t need hidden from my dad who also hates the addiction. I feel this is why we don’t have money to do stuff. Because my mom spends it all on the wrong things. I wish I could just donate everything because there is no way I can wear all of this, it’s too much clothes, including so many clothes that aren’t my style or I just don’t need. I honestly never wear most of the clothes in these piles and I probably never will. This is a unique situation and I hope this doesn’t offend anyone.


r/ChildofHoarder • • 14m left

How am I gonna get all of my mother’s crap?

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• Upvotes

r/ChildofHoarder • • 9m left

OCD Hoarder Mother

• Upvotes

As an only child of a hoarder mother, I am forced to get rid of her QVC and HSN shopping addiction items that have taken over her 3 story rental house. Since she fell and ended up in a nursing home, the owner wants his house back so I have to get rid of thousands of clothes, costume jewelry, shoes, bags, cookware sets, books etc. The thing that makes me so upset is that I begged her for decades to stop shopping. I told her that no one would want her stuff, but she did not listen to me now I am the one who has to get rid of all of this stuff and it’s absolutely driving me crazy. I think about this stuff every day and it is beginning to consume me. I am trying to figure out if I should take some of her leather and suede jackets and sell them on eBay and let the estate sale people deal with the rest. Now that she has dementia, there’s really nothing she can do about it. It’s just so hard to know that she wasted so much of her hard-working money buying all of this crap that she never used and never will. Are there other people who are dealing with the guilt of getting rid of their parents stuff? I am so sick and tired of thinking about it.


r/ChildofHoarder • • 1h ago

SUPPORT THROUGH ADVICE i feel like i’ll never get over how things ended even though i want to move on

• Upvotes

hey everyone. my mom was a hoarder and was battling cancer for most years in my memory of her. when she died, my siblings and were either too unstable or too young to really face it, so as the oldest, I took on the cleaning (even thought 21 is still young really). i didn’t really make any progress until my mom’s best friend came to help months later.

i guess that’s all just context to ask if anyone who has been in this situation has been able to move on and grow from it. it’s been four years now and the isolation from my family has only gotten worse, and i can barely stand the betrayal of no one thinking of me in the months following her death and only saying they wished they could have helped once the work was done.

how do i forgive people for that? I’ve already done a lot of the work of processing things with my mom, but when i look at family and family friends now, all i can see are people who abandoned me in my grief in that awful dark little hole of a home. (which i had to live in while i cleaned because no family members would let me stay with them. which ik makes me sound like a red flag, but my entire family is very uncomfortable around emotions so crying and grief were apparently too much for them to be around)

anyways. sorry for this kind of being half vent half asking for advice. i would just love to know if anyone has been through something similar and if they have any advice on how to cope.


r/ChildofHoarder • • 1d ago

SUPPORT THROUGH ADVICE Seeking advice on managing life post clearing out hoarder house

11 Upvotes

I've been lurking here for a while, and I am hoping someone have some advice or experiences to share with me.

I'm in my late twenties and in the process of clearing out and moving out my mother and my sibling who live in a hoarder house. I have managed to secure my own little apartment, and do not struggle with hoarding myself.

The house was always messy when I was growing up, but things really picked up in my teens and got a lot worse when I became an adult. My mother and sibling both struggle with mental and physical health issues, as I am sure most of hoarders do. There is mold, mice, rotting food and garbage. I've managed to keep a section of the house somewhat functional, but it is a massive struggle and not sustainable.

Most of the junk and stuff belongs to my mother, but my twin has also taken after her and contributed a lot to the situation. There are also just a lot of things from when we were kids that my mother struggled to get rid of. The goal now is to get them both into their own apartments.

My question is if anyone has experienced that getting rid of the stuff and starting fresh really helps, or will it continue when my loved ones settle into their new apartments?

Life is really hard as it is trying to clear out this massive house, and my life has been put on hold as I am trying to fix this issue once and for all. My sibling and I own this house as we inherited it as young children, and so just walking away isn't really an option. I've tried multiple times.

Have you all experienced that life gets easier for your loved ones when they get to have a fresh start, or do things usually get bad again? I'm worried I am going to be running between apartments trying to keep the chaos at bay. I'm also trying to get my loved ones help for the underlying issues that caused this mess, but they seem to both have a fluctuating ability to see their problems.

Any advice would be very much appreciated.

TL;DR: Is there hope for hoarders after getting into a clean, healthy environment?


r/ChildofHoarder • • 2d ago

Mourning who I could have been

227 Upvotes

Growing up, I would always envy how put together my friends and their parents were. Their homes were always pristine, clean and well decorated. Every room had its designated function. You could actually breathe in their homes. They never had to second-guess having people over or spend hours cleaning beforehand to make the house look more inviting. I felt so self-conscious most of my teenage years. I was the kid who would always come over but never reciprocate the invite and that rubbed people the wrong way. I was so embarrassed of having people over. This led to some social isolation.

My sense of autonomy was non-existent. I was forced to keep junk in my room. I was yelled at for trying to throw away my own belongings. My mom would force us to keep our stuff from school so I had a pile of notebooks and textbooks and random pieces of paper from the 1st grade up until senior year. If we tried to throw them away, my mom would cry.

I could not study in that house for the life of me. The mess made it so hard to stay concentrated and productive. My school didn’t allow people to stay after school hours unless they were on a sports team and that was restricted to just the field or gymnasium or whatever. My grades were shit.

I constantly felt dirty, overwhelmed and anxious. It affected my developmental years so much that sometimes I wonder who I could have been if I had grown up in a normal, non-hoarded house.

I’m an adult now and I’ve lived away from them for over 10 years. I’m doing fine for the most part but sometimes I just think back to that house and I just think what the actual fuck


r/ChildofHoarder • • 2d ago

SUPPORT THROUGH ADVICE Dating advice

26 Upvotes

I (19F) just went on a first date with a girl (18F) I’ve been talking to for a while her mother is a hoarder and she lives in her house. She is clearly embarrassed by the situation and wants to escape it but doesn’t have any great options. We had a great time on the date she’s beautiful and we got along well but her clothes smelled of the house. I hated how much that bothered me cause it’s not her fault and she’s doing everything she can to fix this situation. I want to help and continue this relationship but I don’t know how to help and have a very sensitive nose. If anyone has any advice or suggestions I’d really appreciate it.


r/ChildofHoarder • • 2d ago

SUPPORT THROUGH ADVICE Where to pack without a staging area?

7 Upvotes

I posted the other day about moving out of my mom's place. She is a level 3 hoarder. I have a thought about packing now and I wonder if any of you have had experience with this. Mom's house has no place to put packed boxes. Her one clear area is her living room which is small and her main living space. I can't put boxes in there.

I almost think I need to pack and put boxes in my car as I fill them and move them a car-load at a time and then at the end hire a moving truck for my bed and other furniture. I don't know how to pack with no room.

Does my moving plan make sense? Did any of you have to do it that way? How did you move out of a hoarded house?


r/ChildofHoarder • • 2d ago

I just need someone to tell me to stop

11 Upvotes
  1. I am sisyphus i always spend hours and tons of energy but they never let me throw trash out. I am sick of living like this and continously cleaning only for them to find another way to fill an empty space with trash. They are impossible to convince. They yell at me for not cleaning but when i do they trash it even worse than before. Sometimes i dont eat food because the fridge stinks. I know no matter how many hours i spend cleaning stuff it will always get extremely filthy.

(It is bad to the extent of mold, infestation, liveable but i have developed sinus issues and they dont want to throw even rusty stuff)

Can I ever clean this?

Can i get advice on how to at least keep my space clean? I cannot find my clothes because they are in the 100+ bags and scattered across trash. It is so hard. I just want to keep my own stuff clean at least


r/ChildofHoarder • • 2d ago

VENTING Everyone loves to reduce me down to my parents money

31 Upvotes

(I hope this is okay to post here) I know what yall are probably thinking with that title. "Spoiled rich kid who thinks life sucks bc her mom didn't get her a xbox" or something like that. But its not like that. We're not even rich. We're comfortable and i am unbelievably grateful for that.

What bothers me most is how people judge me because of it. Which this is a beyond stupid thing to complain about but i just need to get it out i guess.

I have a car, my parents got it for me yes. I take care of it. I take my siblings everywhere, I grocery shop for my mom, run errands for her and I pay for my own gas and half of my insurance (my job doesn't pay super well) ​Okay. My coworkers saw i had it. And one of them dead pan goes "fuck you rich kid."

Theres more. Another goes "god youre so rich with no struggles. Must be nice"

And then BOTH of my ex boyfriends literally brought it up. Every. Single. Date. "Must be nice to have this" and "you didn't have to work for this"

But I did. Just not in the way anyone thinks. Or believes me in. My mom is a hoarder. A horrible one. I was homeschooled. I paid for that car with RUINED YEARS OF MY LIFE. At 12 I was stuck in a hoarding house every single day. No school to escape. No friends to speak of, ive never had a sleep over before. When I say I spent every fucking day STUCK in FILTH I mean it. ​And I was the one who cleaned it. Over and over and over again. I literally have no education as of right now. Ive had to build from the ground up by myself. And god my mom was horrible. She would insult my body endlessly, make fun of my eating disorder and depression. Called me a whore for thinking a guy was cute. Told people I was ungrateful for being depressed. Convinced me the rapture was happening. Blamed ME for the hoarding.

And no one believes me. Not a single person.

Yes I have a car. And for some reason that's all people see.

I know I probably sound ungrateful and maybe I am. But I just wish someone cared.


r/ChildofHoarder • • 2d ago

VENTING How living with hoarders feels like

22 Upvotes

I'm 19.

I lived in a house that was never cleaned, until I was 16. With an infestation of German cockroaches, pantry moths, ants, and every wall in the house full of mold. The floors were sticky, and the beds and sofas were full of garbage, objects, and dead insects underneath. The infestation had started in the kitchen, but it was so bad that you saw those roaches everywhere, in the living room furniture, on the bed, behind the television. In the kitchen, I saw at least one every time I walked in.

I will never forget the terror I felt in that kitchen, along with the awful smell that had invaded the fridge because of the infestation.

I didn't feel like completely blaming my parents; psychologically and mentally they've never been well, especially my mom... and I was still too naive to realize how serious the situation was, even though looking back I should have talked to someone, maybe they would have taken me away from that hell. I often cried, repeating to myself, "Sooner or later you'll get out of this situation," "One day you'll make it out." It's a miracle that this hasn't caused signs of illness yet.

Now we no longer live in that place, but the great trauma I've carried with me all these years is still there. Later on, the landlady reported my parents regarding the condition in which they left the house. Despite everything, I have no proof of what I saw; I erased every memory that could bring me back to the state of that house. The day we left, I was filled with joy.

Now I clean the house nonstop every weekend, trying to prevent insects, dirt, and dust as much as possible. I'm the only one who cleans and checks the house; despite what we've been through, my parents don't give a damn about worrying about it, not even the bare minimum. I can't wait to move out on my own. How can I mother my own parents like this? It's awful.

To you who are reading, I speak especially to the younger ones: don't make my same mistake. If you find yourself in the same situation I went through, speak up and ask for help. It is not normal to live like this, and it is also very dangerous for your health.


r/ChildofHoarder • • 2d ago

SUPPORT THROUGH LISTENING - NO ADVICE Survivors, how are you today?

11 Upvotes

I grew up with a hoarder mom. My dad passed away 6 years ago. Moved out at 18, I‘m F,26. I‘m curious, how are y’all doing mentally? Any disorders? How did growing up with a hoarder affect your life? Since I moved out I feel peace but it still affects me. Everything in my apartment, as well as my clothing is beige and white. Any kind of colour triggers me. Only closed cabinets because of moth horror at my moms house. Only white bedsheets. Pet hair on the floor has no chance, sweeping and vacuuming everyday. Snapping out at my partner for the slightest sign of untidyness (leaving a bowl on the counter). Always ironing my clothes because mom never did and she also never selected dark and white laundry. Always overly making sure guests feel welcome. Crying inside when a guest leaves shoes on inside of the apartment.
It defenitely left some scars.


r/ChildofHoarder • • 3d ago

Was the house I grew up in hoarded or just cluttered?

18 Upvotes

Growing up I lived in a house where multiple rooms were turned into “storage rooms” packed with things. Every toy, piece of clothing, etc was saved. Most surfaces were full of things and we could never eat at the table. The bathroom and kitchen were relatively clean, but there was a lot of stuff. Most of the floor clutter was pushed up against walls or in corners. So there really weren’t pathways like I’ve seen in other homes. The edges of the stairs were also used as storage.

It was difficult to vacuum, dust, and clean because the stuff got in the way. We rarely had people over, maybe once every year or two. I was only allowed to invite friends over twice during 18 years and it impacted my friendships. If people were coming it was a multiple day clean to prepare and most of the house was off limits to guests.

There were also areas turned into storage for stacks of canned goods or toiletries that would be bought on sale even though we already had some. My mom shopped daily for bargains or things on sale. There was never any trash saved just lots of stuff or consumables. Now as an adult I keep a tidy minimalistic space and clean regularly and purge unnecessary items regularly.

I’m wondering if I’m being dramatic considering this hoarding or feeling like I was negatively impacted by it. It wasn’t as bad as I’ve seen some homes so I feel like maybe I’m making it worse in my head than it actually was? Does my reaction seem normal and does anyone else question their own experience?

Thanks for any input!


r/ChildofHoarder • • 3d ago

Bugs and Mice

14 Upvotes

Who has dealt with filth? Seems most deal with an over abundance of things (there’s that too) but my mom’s house is so disgusting and unsanitary. Dishes throughout the house with stuck on food, mouse droppings, containers that are molding inside that I dare not open but she wants to keep! She started putting groceries on her counter because there are mice in her pantry. I tried to organize the food on the counter only to discovered it was covered in mouse dropping ALL underneath the food. Bags with rotten eggs in containers, grocery bags rotting on the floor so bad they were stuck to the floor!

I honestly did what I could. She refused to let me open the fridge. Said it’s worse! And I was scared to open the pantry. I was able to clear her kitchen floor and clean the counters. Her dishwasher won’t work because her sink has no water pressure. Dishes are piled. It’s so disgusting and unsafe. There’s no one to help me.
What do I do? I plan to go back today and possibly pile up her dishes to bring home and wash here. I need to get it so she will let a plumber inside.

But this is so much worse than the clutter. SO MUCH WORSE! Any advice is welcome. I am not close to my mom. I am resentful of having to do this but I am not unkind. I will help her because it’s the right thing to do. Nobody should live this way.

I am capable but this has me at a loss! She’s also an hour drive away so that makes it harder too.


r/ChildofHoarder • • 3d ago

SUPPORT THROUGH ADVICE Moving out. How to avoid hoarding?

10 Upvotes

My mom is a level 2.5/3 hoarder. Has been my whole life. I've lived with her while paying down debt and I'm grateful I had that opportunity. I finally paid my debt off and saved so I can move out. I'm happy about this but how do I avoid being a hoarder myself? I want a clean tidy home and I have ADD so I'm messy but I don't hoard. I don't struggle getting rid of things other than I feel guilty when it's something she's given me.

I'm looking forward to a space I can control.

Those of you who don't live with your parents, did tidiness come easily? Did you struggle to unlearn things you grew up with? How do you stay tidy? I'm scared I'm going to end up like her.


r/ChildofHoarder • • 4d ago

SUPPORT THROUGH ADVICE I worried about this day for the last 20 years. Heres how it all turned out. I honestly don't know how to feel.

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148 Upvotes

Basically the township hates my mom and will do anything to fuck with her because she's taken them to court a million times over ordinance violations and such. She is a hoarder though, and this house was left sitting filled to the brim with stuff (including canned goods???) for almost 15 years. We basically left it and bought a new house. This one stressed her out so much she couldn't bear to be around it, so it stayed as is.

I'll simplify the story to make it short.

There was a crime that occured in the "abandoned" house by my ex because he knew it was vacant and needed a place to do his shit. He got caught and the police got a warrant, so at that point they saw the inside.

I guess this set into motion a process called "conservatorship" where a company takes possession of the house. Problem is, they never properly served my mother with ANY notice about this whatsoever! So the township literally tried to steal her house from her. We only found out (3 years after the crime and start of conservatorship) because we were at a court hearing for an ordinance violation for the house we live in and they briefly mentioned it, my mom didn't even catch it I had to pull her aside and say "DID YOU HEAR WHAT THEY SAID ABOUT YOUR HOUSE???".

So she got an attorney just in time because by the time the attorney stopped the conservatorship company from selling the house they were a week away from closing the deal.

Anyway, in this 3 years where we were unaware of what was going on this conservatorship removed everything from the house and stripped it to its bones. There's not even walls, no plumbing, they took the fucking light fixtures off the front of the house ffs.

I'm glad the stuff is gone. I spent every day for the last 20 years at least thinking once a day about what I would do with that house when she dies.

However, I'm angry they stripped it to the bones because it was my literal dream to see that house clean and empty again. I guess I got my wish, and then more.

I've pretty much detatched myself from the situation and feel nothing at the moment. I've become pretty good at that. Although it does stress me out when I hear my mom talking to the attorney and stuff so I put on music.

Anyway she wants to spend a bunch of money to fight the conservatorship for the damages to the house because they actually did break a window and tear down the gutters, cut all the wires to the fuse box and a they even took the hinges off the windows so they're just sitting in their frames waiting to be blown in... I don't know if I agree with this or not, she says if she wins she can sue for legal fees too but I'm like how much is this going to cost??? God damn. The conservatorship is claiming they installed new windows (not true) and put in permanent support beams in the basement (not pictured) which are actually just hollow metal jack stands lmfao.

What has my life become?

11th photo is what used to be my bedroom as a child, and also where the fucked up crime was committed 🤦‍♀️

If you want more details let me know lol


r/ChildofHoarder • • 4d ago

HUMOR I love when they have moments of being slightly self aware

35 Upvotes

I was shopping in B&M (hoarder heaven) earlier with my Mum and made a off hand comment about all the seasonal tat. My Mum laughed and I decided to take it too far and said "You love tat though." She said, with full seriousness, "No not anymore, I've decided not to buy anymore tat because I don't have any room for it."

Amazing. Thanks Mum, you really almost had it there.


r/ChildofHoarder • • 5d ago

SUPPORT THROUGH ADVICE My mother refused to let me live in her empty apartment. Now she's living there herself - using all my furniture. Trigger warning: some surreal shit.

60 Upvotes

My mother is a hoarder and owns two apartments, one of which had been sitting empty. I also have my own furniture in that apartment. After a breakup, I told her that, as someone approaching 40, I needed the place to live in, as rents are extremely skyrocketing in my city.

My mother is extremely immature and has absolutely no respect for boundaries. She has harassed me in the past, including refusing to leave my home for hours after I’d repeatedly asked her to go. So I asked her to give me her key to the apartment. She kept promising she would, but almost a year went by and she never handed it over. Without that, there was no way I could have lived there independently or had any real privacy.
Her behavior had become so dysfunctional that I eventually cut off contact with her six months ago. I told her that our relationship had deteriorated to the point where I wouldn’t even consider reopening communication, let alone trying to repair things, unless she transferred the apartment to me.

For context, rents in my city are ridiculously high compared to local salaries, to the point where they’re becoming genuinely unaffordable. I’m now seriously considering moving abroad because of it. Between my mother and my ex-boyfriend, I’ve been left in an extremely precarious financial situation, with an enormous amount of stress and anxiety about my future. Both of them have put me in a position where my financial security and mental heath are seriously at risk.

Yesterday, more than six months after cutting contact, I went back to the apartment to pick up the last of my belongings. Luckily, I knew my mother wouldn’t be there at that time.

What I walked into was honestly beyond bizarre.
She had completely rearranged the apartment to suit her own taste. From the looks of it, she’s basically living there on a daily basis treating it as a second home alongside her own apartment.

And she’s using all my furniture. She literally sleeps in my bed.

She’s taken my personal belongings, picked out the things she thinks are pretty, and arranged them around the apartment as decorations. She sleeps on my pillows. Her clothes are hanging in my wardrobe.

The whole thing was just so incredibly bizarre, invasive, and frankly pathetic. It’s like she’s moved into my personal space and made herself at home among my things, while completely disregarding the fact that they’re mine.

Yesterday, I sent her a message saying I’d collected the rest of my belongings and that I might arrange to have my furniture picked up as well if I end up needing it.
Not a word back. Absolutely nothing.
Well, at least she isn’t wearing my underwear.
Although, at this point, who the hell knows.


r/ChildofHoarder • • 4d ago

VENTING Moving Back and Struggling

18 Upvotes

Due to my financial situation, I can no longer afford my apartment and other options are not viable to do. This has me moving back with my HPs and it’s a rollercoaster of emotions with a top level of shame. I can’t stop feeling like a failure, that I wasn’t doing more in my career. Everything in life feels like I should’ve been making choices that will never have me back in that house. Now that I’m going back I’m trying to be hopeful, it feels like the worst lie I’ve ever told myself.

I get waves of anger that other people while would feel disheartened to go back to living with their parents for a time being but it feels devastating when they are hoarders.

I want to stay positive but I feel I’m making myself smaller just to get back on my feet.


r/ChildofHoarder • • 4d ago

how does one get over hoarding?

16 Upvotes

my mom has it really bad and i’m scared i might be going down that path, i wanna nip it in the bud asap


r/ChildofHoarder • • 5d ago

VENTING Deeply concerned about hoarding after moving back home to my parents. leaving after less than 72 hours of being here, i am scared, pissed, and looking for advice or similar experience

13 Upvotes

Hi everyone. I’m nervous to even post here so forgive me.
I am here seeking advice because i am scared. This is not to bash my parent in any way. I also was not sure if i should tag this under venting or advice, since it’s both.

I’m 33, my mom has been hoarding for years but recently it’s gotten more extreme. Her behavior is unacceptable in general but i am posting about the hoarding specifically.
I expressed my concern 2 years ago. She obviously didn’t handle it well, as expected. She WILL do a big purge and get rid of a ton about once a year, but it’s replaced with new stuff within weeks. The couch, the tables, every counter, every free surface even the patio outside is packed with crap. I tried to cook us dinner and broke down crying because the stove was covered, the counters were covered. Every chore takes 5x the amount of time it normally would because of all the crap. it is a nightmare. If one single personal item of mine is out, like a pair of shoes, she will say “this is why the house is so messy” while ignoring the giant piles of stuff.

I had to move back home temporarily because my boyfriend’s apartment has mold, which is worsening my chronic health issues. I haven’t been to my parents in a few months, it’s always been an issue but i didn’t know it was getting this crazy until i got here. I have been fighting a disability case for 2 years and do not have the means to get my own place right now.
I calmly tried to talk to my mom again about the state of the house, she is now claiming that the house is such a mess since she had to make room for me at the last minute. I kindly reminded her that this has been an ongoing issue for years now, she got mad at me and shut down and told me that i don’t have to live here and that i can go at any time. I have been in therapy for years and pulled out every de-escalation trick i have learned and nothing helps. I was not even here 72 hours and it’s been “my way or the highway” since the second I’ve gotten here, in every aspect including the hoarding.
So i am going back to my boyfriends asap, but how can I help my mom? She went to therapy for a while a few years back and claims that she no longer needs therapy and that they told her she was dismissed. My family was concerned and thought this was suspicious and things have continued to get worse since. I honestly feel like therapy made her behavior in general, especially the hoarding, tremendously worse. I am deeply worried about my mom and she responds to any concern with anger and hostility. Please, i am desperate and do not know what to do.

Thanks in advance

Update: i left the house because i asked for family therapy and was told “no thank you”. I am safe now. I plan on going minimal/no contact. Since therapy is a no, I am not going to spend the rest of my life dealing with this chaos. Thank you everyone for your help and kind words. 🖤


r/ChildofHoarder • • 5d ago

Blaming the kid

42 Upvotes

My mom her entire world would be hoarding...her bedroom would be full of stuff. She had an office full of stuff. She had a living room full of stuff. The kitchen. Everything was full of stuff and she would never clean or organize it right?

When I would clean she would always mock me as I was cleaning and call me the "domestic goddess."

But the one thing I remember specifically when she would actually attempt to supposedly clean....she would go around the house and pick through her hoard to find anything she claimed belonged to me.

She would get some kind of box or container and go around her hoard collecting things and then telling me the items were actually mine. She would shove these boxes on me of random stuff.

It would be like loose change, pony tails, some pencils.

She would do that like once every few months instead of cleaning her own massive hoarding mess.

I always thought it was her passive aggressive or actually delusional way of trying to pretend like her hoarding was my fault.

She never took responsibility for anything and her hoarding was always everyone else's fault. She would claim all of her stuff is somehow everyone else doing this to her.

I also think it was a way of saying I'm not allowed to take up any space. It took me being an adult to realize oh this is actually not my fault at all


r/ChildofHoarder • • 5d ago

Help me make my friend (14) aware her parents hording without makeing her resent me.

9 Upvotes

Hey guys im a 14 year old girl with a best friend (K) who i love so much. Her grandma is a pretty bad hoarder, sweetest person ever, worst hoarder. She has 2 houses, one is her "antique shop" where shes sells probably 1/8 of whats in that house. Its pretty small and its so hard to move around in. It stresses me out being there. She has clothes from the 2000s, some of which were "temporarily" gifted to me by Ks mum.

Ks mum went through some of her mums clothes and took a bag homw to give to K and tye smaller ones to me. I hate that they are temporarily gifted cause she has so so so many clothes like why does she need the few peices i have. I honestly with i hadent taken the clothes i did i just felt so pressured by the factcthat they were vintage lol. I genuinely havent worn many of them at all yet. Anyway now for Ks dad.

i dont know as much about his hording. He and ks mum are together still and they all live together. They also have another son age 9-13 i forgot. Ks dad hoards cars. He has like 7 cars bro. Ive seen him online shopping for cars a bit and loves talking to K about her future car. His shed is a mes piled with stuff. Now for the fun 🫩part. Ks mum. Ive been op shopping with k and her mum plenty of times now and it used to be fun but honestly its to stressfull for me now. I think we went to 3 op shops last time and ks mum bought at least 5 things from each.

It makes me sick. And the peer pressure to buy certain stuff itls insane. We met this othwr older lady in the shop and she and ks mum made me try on this top, which i thought was kinda ugly. It was vintage and they thought it was cute so it was all " you HAVE to buy it" . Um.. no i dont actually. Im proud of myself for not buying it! At her home its bot so so bad but its still bad. First the animals. They have lots of animals and whenever some die they just replace them instantly.

They have 4 horses 2 cats 2 guinea pigs, they used to have rats. 2 dogs. Mind you they have very busy jobs so they are barley ever home idk how they care for their children and the animals. I remember sitting on their couch watching a movie with k and her mum and her mum was online shopping on facebook or amth idrk. And she was like i need to get this bag or smth. Like no you have so many bags already. The kitchen isnt to bad its just messy all the time, not to much clutter its just the clutter thats there tends to stay there for long periods of time. Idk how long. It stays messy even when me and mum go to there house.

They dont even wipe up the honey off tye bench before we arrive. The padio, its really bad tbh, not tv show bad but still. Theres stuff everywhere. Piles of clothes, ect. Ks parents bedroom is honestly one of the worst rooms. Their bed had clothes on it. The floor had piles of clothes. The wardobe has clothes stuffed to the brim.

The bench thingy has stuff all over the top of it. The bathroom is not to badm they usally have a very full washing basket. They took out their bathtuo cause no one used it (except all the clothes that would sit in it), and the put another bathroom bench type thing in. For "more storage". Like honey u just need less stuff. She tends to but stuff in bulk. The dining area is lwk bad too. Theres usally a washing basket with stuff in it, stuff on the tabe, it makes it hard to eat dinner there. The bookshelfs behind the area are full with books and stuff.

The general house area has a few washing baskets of clothes around. They have way to many pictures ig they bought to hang on tye wall but only a few made it up. They are just resting on agaisnt the walls. Theres a front area pretty full of stuff i dont rlly remember. Okay the Point is, they are horders. Her grandmas a horder. Amd i dont know if she knows and i dont was to cause issues between us. Earlier i brought up an upcoming op shopping trip. ( Her mum isnt coming thank gosh, stresses me the helly out. ) and i said idk wanna buy much stuff cause i watch hoarders videos recently and i dont wanna end up that way.

Thankfully my mum hates stuff and my dad has no need or wnat for it either. So i dont have any pressure from my family. K has a very full wardrobe full of clothes. And she comes back from the op shops every now and again with a few new things that her mum def told her to buy that she doesnt need. I remeber going to the shops one day and k had this top that looked very very similar to one she already had. And i was lioe girl do u really need that.

She put it back thankfully but im just scared for her. Her room is pretty clean. She has a trinket cubord filled with trinkets but its very organised. She doesnt buy much stuff technically, uslayy she gets gifted stuff from her grandma or mum. My mum and her mum are best friends and have been and my mum used to be really worried for ks mum and now she kinda accepted that she s hoarder. Im scared for her to cause what happens whej her kids leave. Anyway pleas give me adive i just want to make her aware and prepared. Thanks xx also sorry if theres spelling mistakes i type pretty fast 🥲