For the past few months I feel like my gfs been increasingly more demeaning to me when I forget to do something small or basic. Which I don’t do often at all, but I know I’m not perfect.

For example, the other week when I did the dishes (I do most of the chores around the apartment) I forgot to put one of the measuring cups back on the ring when I put it away. She was so upset and immediately had a TikTok to show me about this exact situation. It said something like “when you live with a man child who doesn’t understand how basic shapes work and can’t put away something properly without having to be told to”. Guess what? Her therapist told her it was an overreaction and that she could’ve gone about it differently. My gf thinks that this is foreshadowing the rest of our lives together. That I won’t be responsible as we get older. I feel that some of these recent posts about empowering women in straight relationships are starting to send the wrong message. Not all, but some. Myself leans on the liberal side of politics and I’m all for empowering women. Praising and applauding my gf constantly for how hard she works and her willingness to tackle things on her own.

She is sweet and kind but Idk she just isn’t as gentle and kind with me as she used to be and it hurts sometimes.

Lunch: carnitas burrito and Diet Coke

Edit: thanks for the advice and relatable situations and how to go about them. We are going to have a talk. Also I haven’t been on insta, Facebook and TikTok for almost two years now. So there’s some things and terms I haven’t heard of. Like the term “weaponizing incompetence” and some others I’ve read. I think what I’m talking about leans in to those obviously as well in this situation and the “hate men” side of social media.

The food’s Jollof rice and beef.

Have this girl I’m in the talking stage with, let’s call her Angelica. Well, yesterday, Angelica and I decided to visit my buddy.

Now, my buddy is a no-shoes-in-the-home kind of guy, so when we got to his place, he asked us to take off our shoes, which we did.

We then proceeded to sit on his sofa, and that’s when I saw it. Angelica’s big toe was sticking out her sock.

I don’t know how or why, but that just killed any attraction I had then and there for some strange reason. I don’t know why it bothers me so much. I mean, it’s just a hole in a sock?

Or maybe it’s the fact that the toe was sticking out of it?

My girlfriend (23) and I (27m) are having some relationship issues currently. I’ve noticed her guarding her phone more and taking selfies on snap that weren’t going to me. A little while ago she talked to me and brought things up to possibly break up. The things she brought up she assumed about me and the relationship, I clarified and we stayed together. The food is a ribeye, baked tater, and sweet tea.

Now fast back forward to now. Things seemed to be going good until I saw her snapping others. She has lied in the past to me about other things or has been intentionally misleading. I know it was wrong but one night I checked her phone to see and discovered she has been texting a new guy friend after we got together and has a few months streak. Also her exes were messaging her and she talked with one on another social media platform. It was some flirty and back and forth. I was caught off guard since she said they both ended bad and weren’t anything. I talked to her mentioning I saw her snapping someone else. She told me she was messaging one friend on Snapchat but didn’t mention any of the other messages or communication with exes. (Notice the use of friend I had to keep pushing to get names) I told her I was upset and said we can talk about it in person. She said I was being unreasonable for being upset. She doesn’t know I know about the other communication and she’s being dishonest again about what she was previously dishonest about (saw it on her phone). The age old problem that I love her and care about her but this behavior is not okay from her and I shouldn’t be looking through her phone. I only did so because I didn’t think she would be honest about it and I was right. Can’t wait for the conversation.

TLDR girlfriend was being secretive with her phone, she has been dishonest and misleading in the past about other things, I checked her phone and found conversations with guy friends/exes, she hasn’t been honest about it when I’ve asked since she doesn’t know I know, we will talk soon about it all

Update

Had the conversation since she got off work early today. It’s finished, obvious lies (reactions, etc, doesn’t line up to facts) and appeal to “I’m honest”, “I’d never do that to you”, that “you’re being unreasonable”, yadda yadda. I think she just wanted to be with me since I’m older, have my life together, and the perks of a career and money. But she still wants to explore and have fun which is fine but leave me the fuck out of it if you’re doing that while in a relationship. I thought she was different and I feel torn up inside but fuck it. Time to be single, grind, and get them gains because right now I’m over it. She can go have fun with all those immature boys and learn from heartbreak. Thank you all for coming to my ted talk. I’m going for a run.

Chicken Alfredo and Burrata!

Hello friends! This year I started my dream job. Unfortunately it causes me to travel for a few weeks at a time every few months.

Came home two nights ago and she broke the news to me. She explained she had a guy over, they got drunk and so on. She told me that the traveling was too much for her and that we were both still young and that she needs to discover herself.

We’ve been together for 4 years. We always knew I wanted this job and that I’d be traveling, which at the time she said she was ok with. We bought a house and moved in together but it’s under my name. We also share a cat that she wants to take.

I feel drained. My home feels violated. I could really use some advice, words of encouragement and pictures of cats which will be reciprocated upon request. Thank you all in advance. I’m going to try to enjoy my dinner.

Yesterday I had the gym all to myself (it’s a pretty small place) and after a while a girl around my own age comes in. Maybe 20 minutes after that i’m sitting and recovering when she walks past me and I can not stress this enough I do not even remotely glance at her, eyes down at the ground, zero interest in whatever she’s doing.

But despite that she turns around and asks “why are you looking at my ass?” I take my headphones out since I wasn’t sure I heard her and she asks the same thing. I said I didn’t, she said she was sure I did. I just apologize anyway and hope that’s the end of it but she then says she doesn’t feel comfortable with me there and straight up asks me to leave. I’m only like halfway through my workout so I ask if I can just move further away however she insists that I need to leave. I basically just ask “seriously?”, she replies “yeah” and I have no idea what to do. After like 10 seconds of her staring at me I kind of just get up and leave.

I just felt confused and annoyed at first but today around the time I normally go to the gym I just sorta didn’t feel like it, which I can’t remember ever doing unless I was sick or had too much stuff planned to fit it in. I can’t even describe it, it just felt like something was going to go wrong. The gym means a lot to me physically and mentally and now all the sudden i’ve got some goddamn mental block just from this one stupid incident? I don’t even know what it is. Am I afraid of seeing her specifically again? Am I afraid someone else is gonna accuse me of the same thing? I just wanna go and lift some weights man fuck.

Rigatoni and vodka sauce w/bacon.

EDIT: Right like 9000000 suggestions haha thanks 😭

“Talk to the staff about her”
It’s an unmanned gym. Closest thing I could do is email their support but I know from experience they essentially never reply.

“Why didn’t you push back more?”
Idk? Guess I was fairly tired and more in “whatever this is stupid but I can’t be bothered” mode more than “get into an annoyed back and forth with some random woman” mode at the time.

“Should have told her she’s ugly and her ass is terrible and shes a stupid idiot dumb goddamn moron bitch”
People commenting this, do you get out much? Talk to other people? Unfortunately not really how I want to talk to others even when they annoy me.

Gotten over basically all that worry I had (some of your kind comments helped with that), going back tomorrow to start building an even better ass than hers and im sure it’ll go great!! :)

A Detroit style pizza I made for my wife and her friend.

My wife is 36 and has a rare disease that causes low vision, mobility issues (Parkinsonsims) and dementia like symptoms related to memory loss, etc. Her older sister passed away in 2024 from the same disease at the age of 35 and my wife was diagnosed in May of 2024.

She still remembers me, but a lot of who she was is gone. My wife was a big fan of all things fantasy, a huge fan of Lord of the Rings and a general nerd. I can’t remember when she last talked about Lord of the Rings, though she and her friend watched Clue when I made that pizza.

Most of my time with her is dealing with her immediate needs. Managing her meds, doing chores, cooking her food and even putting toothpaste on her tooth brush. I know things will get worse; in some ways they have gotten worse over the last couple of years. I did finally convince her to use her wheelchair when we go out places.

That said…I feel incredibly lost. My person isn’t really here any more. While I have wonderful support from her mom and other sister, I still don’t have my wife really. I can take her out on a date…but in truth it’s mainly me making sure she is okay during whatever outing we do.

My friends try to understand, but none of them have dealt with someone who has had dementia. Even their parents.

I honestly don’t even know what I’m posting this other than the sense of loss that I have. In some ways I feel selfish about the loneliness; I’m not the one dying after all but I know that selfish feeling isn’t healthy. I miss her. I miss having a partner, a friend, romance and my person.

Edit:

Just wanted to thank everyone for their support. I learned about a new subreddit that I should follow, received a lot of kind words and encouragement for something that I already knew, that I should start up therapy again.

My wife doesn't have Huntington's, sadly her neurologist isn't even able to identify her disease. It's similar enough to some of the spinocerebellar ataxias. She, and her late sister, suffer from cone dystrophy which impacts her acuity and vision. Her cerebellum has significant atrophy which impacts her motor control, balance and movement. This is harder especially with her lack of depth perception.

Cognitive impairment, memory loss, aphasia are all things that she suffers from. Her sister also had seizures, though my wife hasn't had those.

My wife used to love to write poetry and that's one of the saddest things that she's lost. She has tried to write some over the past year, but her desire to do so has diminished. With her aphasia and struggle with words that was one of her favorite activities that was first to go.

She was the perfect kind of nerd for me. A fan of the Lord of the Rings extended editions, though I honestly struggled to sit through those. She loved the latest Spider-Man movie and wants to see the new Jumanji one. I think those are easier for her to associate with since she grew up with the original Jumanji and we've watched a lot of the Marvel movies.

Edit 2: Not entirely sure why my comments don't seem to be showing up. I turned off some privacy feature.

To u/PressureCoomer I am indeed a human. So is my wife for that matter. Unless I was replaced at birth...my brother did call me an alien once.

Just pizza. Boring.

My friend and I are both 19 year old guys. I’ve known him and have been very close with him for about 3 years. Last night a group of friends including the both of us went out to a nightclub, which we very often do. He got probably the drunkest I’ve ever seen him get. He has a girlfriend that lives in the same apartment building as me who he was staying with that night so we walked from the club back together and we got in the elevator, as we’ve done many times. He was so incredibly drunk this time (so was I, but not as much as him) so he’d had an arm around me basically the whole walk. He’s on like the 20th floor of the building so it’s a long ride up and he starts repeating how much he loves me which he says to basically everyone anytime he’s drunk, still nothing unusual. He then wraps both his arms around me and kisses me on the lips for like half a second and I laugh in his face at just how ridiculously drunk and silly he was acting. He looks really upset after I laugh and I can see tears forming in his eyes and his voice breaking and he says to me not to laugh and that I have no idea how much I haunt him. I literally froze in complete shock and then he leaned in and kissed me again this time intensely and passionately and he didn’t stop until the elevator door opened. I walked him to his room in silence as he was just crying like crazy.

Still in shock by the whole thing, wondering what the hell to do when I see him next. I don’t know if he’ll even remember a thing, so I guess I should just stay silent but idk. If he does remember, literally not a clue on what to say to him. I wouldn’t see this as a big deal if not for how emotional he was and what he said to me. Never seen him cry before and this was completely out of nowhere.

I'm a 21 years old guy, and I've only ever dated this one girl. I met her freshman year and we've been dating ever since then. We hang out a lot and would come to each other houses sometimes. College got a bit busier later, so I focused more on my studies and slowly spent less time with her since then.

Last week, on a Saturday afternoon when she hang out at my family's house and we were playing video games with each other, she forgot her lipstick at our place when she left. After dinner I drove to her house only to find that she had left for dinner. I asked her mom and dad and they said she told them she was going out with her friends. I was planning to just drop the lipstick at her house but her dad told me I could drive there and wait to take her home if I can since she got picked up by her "friends" and didn't drive.

So I did, I went to the place and waited for like, 15 minutes, then I got impatient and went in to check if she had already left. What I found? She was eating with this guy and acting real intimate with him. I just didn't have the courage to confront her and I didn't want to make a mess and fight in the restaurants so I just drove back to her house crying. It was the most I've ever cried, I was faithful to her and only ever loved her, I felt betrayed and like I lost something really important. I wanted to blame it all on her, but in my gut I still felt something like what if she got bored of me because I wasn't paying attention enough to her.

Now, I'm pretty close with her dad. He was a really nice guy and was hospitable to me when I first got introduced to him. Sometimes I helped him fix stuff up or build things around the house, and he would treat me to a drink. It was all very fun times. I guess growing up, my own dad wasn't really emotionally present so it felt nice to have someone like him in my life.

When I told him all about it, he was very supportive. He didn't blame anything on me and said he would ask her clearly about this. He also said that he thought I'm a great boyfriend, and she cheated on the wrong person. Even though he didn't force it, he asked me to give her a second chance, and that she is "young and still dumb".

I went home and the next day, their parents called me saying they scolded her and that she really was cheating. I think they scolded her big time since she texted me with a really apologetic tone and said it was a "mistake".

I don't know if I can trust her words, since she could just be saying this because of her parents. Then again, whenever I think of her dad, I'm uncertain of breaking up. I think it's a mix between not wanting to be on bad terms with him and feeling bad for him if I leave her. I just feel so messed up in all this.

Dinner is a simple Pizza.

Dinner: Tacos from my favorite taco spot.

A little backstory: my dad passed in 2020 due to an unexpected heart attack, and my mother-in-law lost her battle with cancer in 2023.

Last weekend my wife and I made plans to go out to dinner with my father-in-law. When we get to the restaurant, he already has a table and to my surprise, my mom is sitting at the table with him.

Naturally, I’m a little confused but my wife has a cheeky little grin on her face. The one that tells me she’s already done the math here.

Come to find out mom and dad-in-law have been seeing each other for about a year now and have decided to come out as a couple.

I think it’s kinda awkward but whatever. They’re adults and deserve to be happy.

However, it’s been a week now and my wife won’t stop calling me “step-bro.”

Send help.

(EDIT: No, my wife didn’t know before dinner that night. She was just a lot quicker in figuring it out than my emotionally blind self)

Food is home made baby croissants. I made it with my 3,5 year old. While mama is away

Let’s start by saying I didn’t expect to be an OP here. I always liked the community and how everyone is an ear for people in need. Today I’m the one in need

Me and my wife have been together for almost 8 years and are raising a lovely family with a boy (3,5 and a girl (1,5)

In the beginning she had some difficulty adjusting to the mom life but she’s been great at it lately

This year we both decided to give eachother a 5 day trip without kids or each other. To get out of the baby bubble for a while

We have this mutual friend I’ll call Megan for now. I’ve know her since my youth and she gets along well with my wife to. Sidenote Megan is a lesbian (weird to mention but some people find it important for context)

For the vacations me and Megan would go on a citytrip. And my wife would go with megan to a music festival

My trip came and went. It was nice to get out of the house and feel like myself again. I did a lot of swimming and relaxing and had a jolly tine

During the vacation Megan brought up an issues. My wife has been known to get flirty when drunk. She has issues and history with substances and Megan was affraid it would get out of hand on their festival trip

Me and my wife have always had good communication so I informed her of the issue. We had a long talk and evantually she also did with megan. Ensuring no such thing would come to pass at the music festival

Skip over to yesterday

It’s 00:30 am. The kids went down tough vut easily missing their mom and such. I had a nice quiet night of watching bleach. Just as I am about to close up and go to bed I get a call

It’s from Megan

Apperently my wife went deep into the sauce on the first day and ended up making out with an 18 year old boy

I’am stunned for many reassons. My trust is broken and my life suddenly feels like a house of cards

I don’t want an open relationship or anything. I want my life as it was with a wife I can trust

I spoke with her this morning. She seems sorry but I just feel so horrible about the ebtire situation. She won’t leave the festival either so thats another 3 days of uncertainty while I take care of the kids

Megan thinks I should leave her. But I don’t want my kids to live in a broken home

Of course I also still love her and our life. It’s just that f-ing alcohol that keeps messing everything up when she’s unsupervised

I want a wife not a 16 year old I need to keep in check

So thats my current situation. She’s thinking stuff over and is asking me to do the same

Would welcome any advice and/or support

My wife of 8 years and girlfriend of 2 said that I don’t satisfy her needs anymore. She’s suggesting couples therapy, I really don’t know what to do and I’m struggling to come to terms with it and I want to make it work. I’m deathly afraid of therapy due to past trauma. Help.

noodles, chicken, peanut butter, 4 toast (white), lard

Update: I can’t keep up with all the replies but really appreciate everyone’s input. I’m going to try therapy. Both couples and individually

For more context I work long hours (60 or so a week) I am always tired so I can’t satisfy her sexually. I’m desperately underweight so I’ve started bulking and going to the gym. I have a seriously unhealthy relationship with food and struggle to eat.

Before you judge, this is really yummy! Shin ramyun noodles too! You should try it.

P.S the lard is obviously in the noodles, but on toast sounds good I might have to try that!

Today my mom was clearing out her email and she came across some of my old prom pictures from senior prom back in 2015 that she had sent to relatives. She forwarded them to me so I could take a look, and looking at those pictures genuinely made me realize how much of a loser and a failure I've turned out to be.

When those pictures were taken when I was 17, I thought I was genuinely going to go on to do great things - successful career, happy life, plenty of friends, relationships, and so on and so forth. Looking back at myself, I could see light in my eyes. Hope. Happiness. Potential. World was my oyster.

Now here I am 11 years later, a few weeks away from turning 29, and I've accomplished nothing. I ended up graduating with a useless degree in journalism because I couldn't be bothered to take college seriously. Everyone tried to steer me down the right path to better majors, but I couldn't have cared less to actually try. Scared of challenges or doing something hard. Just wanted to take the easy route so I could get to the weekend to hang out with my friends. Now all those friends have good jobs and are leaps and bounds ahead of me. Tried to be an audiologist, got rejected from grad school. Couldn't make up my mind on what else to choose. So now I basically work as a glorified receptionist during the day and I shelve books in a library by night.

I'm going nowhere. I have basically nothing that I can say I'm good at and I'm embarrassed to be in my own skin. And at all of 5'6", balding, and still living at home, women don't want me either. My last girlfriend was over 5 years ago. I just can't believe how life has turned out. And all I can do is sit back every night thinking about what could have been, and what I actually became.

Dinner is flank steak, rice, and green beans.

I am 29 m she is 27 f we’ve been together 10 years and have a 7 yr and a 3 yr ok now to start off, this story is damn near a comic strip, so bear with me. This is my first ever post . In 2022 I decided I’d never drink again. And I went on the path to better my life. I did pretty well: got 7 raises at my job, reached my workout goals, kept the house clean, and felt respected. I had never felt so proud.

On the flip side, my wife had never felt more alone. All she did was drink and argue. I was working 10-hour shifts and going to the gym and cleaning. Her mental health got so bad I started letting her mom, who lives close, take our daughter because I didn’t want her to see it. Well, fast forward some time, and she’s constantly nagging me to drink with her again and have fun with her again, and I refused for at least a year and a half. Here comes 2024 I’m in the car while she’s driving, and someone hits us and it injures me badly. I was already hurt, but that was the cherry on top. I have to leave my job because I can’t swing a weed eater anymore and have tons of doctors’ appointments. Well, at the imaging appointment, I was told I had a 4.4cm cyst on my right kidney that was complex. This shattered me

so I started drinking again. This was early 2025 So then I start focusing on all of that. It takes a while, but the whole time I’m not working or going anywhere, and she’s accusing me of cheating, hiding my phone, isolating me, following me around— just crazy stuff. So then comes my nephrectomy. I have it, and before and after, I spent a majority of the time in the car crying because I didn’t feel like I could be in my own home. Well, she’s still accusing and fighting and gets arrested for DV because the neighbors called on her right after I had major surgery!

Well to make a long story short she didn’t get in trouble her family is helping with our kids and she’s begging for sex everyday while accusing me even though she cheated on me just recently there is so so much more but heres my dinner 6 dollar McDouble meal.

EDIT wife knows about the post and is upset thanks everyone for the engagement I’ll be back on in a bit

Long story short, I’ve had a drinking problem for a while. My wife finally got sick of me being constantly drunk around her and our 5-month-old, and moved in with her parents about 3 weeks ago until I got my shit together. I signed up for rehab, got prescribed naltrexone, and started going to support meetings, all the things she wants me to do before she comes home.

We were supposed to have a nice date today, have lunch at the place we went on our first date and go thrifting this afternoon. She winds up running a bit late, so I park and walk around downtown until I wind up at a beer store I used to visit. I decided to go in and look around while I was waiting for her. She called to let me know what had been delaying her, and I told her I was at the beer shop and I was thinking about getting a drink. I told her this because I thought, “she’ll appreciate the honesty, and she’ll be able to tell me to leave instead of messing up.” Instead, she gets chilly, cancels our plans, and tells me that this might be the end. Currently trying not to spiral and failing.

Late lunch: cherry lime bubbly water and used tissues because I feel sick :(

EDIT: Okay folks, message received. I’ll be at inpatient rehab in 12 hours.

Food: Chicago Style Hot Dog. Forgot sport peppers and added them before eating.

Backstory: wife gave birth at 41w2d just over two years ago. Few hours after birth doctor came in and checked for bleeding. She passed out and started having a seizure in front of me. I couldn’t handle it. They called code blue over the intercom and a bunch of people came running. Me and our newborn had to leave the room. Chaplin came and kept bothering me, I don’t believe in god and this isn’t a religious hospital, so that didn’t help. It was honestly the worst experience of my life. I don’t want to go through that again. She doesn’t get it. I keep saying no. Well today she said she scheduled to get her IUD out and has made comments about buying stuff specifically to support having two kids. I keep telling her no. Well today when she told me she scheduled to get it taken out and asked if I wanted to go to a specialist to talk about plan for second pregnancy I said no, I don’t want another kid and if that’s a deal breaker file for divorce. I’ve told her multiple times at this point no. This was all through a text and all she did was like the text. When I got home from work today her and the boy were taking a nap and I had to do yardwork anyway so I went outside to do it. Dinner was done so I stopped half way and ate but she had already eaten so no words spoken, and then when I was done and came inside the boy was already showered and playing ready for bed. So we haven’t really said any word in person today and especially little since after the text thread. I don’t really know what I am asking for I just had to vent really.

We always talked about having multiple kids but I am fine with one now. I want him to have a great life and always be supported. She always says she doesn’t want him to grow up alone. Also let’s face it having kids is expensive.

My(21M) girlfriend (21F) was cleaning out her car and found a girl's student ID wedged under the passenger seat. It's from the 2022-23 school year, and it just so happens to be from the same high school, same grade, and same class year as my roommate(22M).

He hasn't been in her car for months. When he was in it, he didn't bring anything with him, and we've deep-cleaned the car since then. There's no normal explanation for how this ID ended up there.
So I asked him about it.

He immediately got defensive and borderline angry, and the conversation somehow flipped until I ended up apologizing. Before he even saw the ID, he said he "might have known someone with that name," but once he saw the picture he changed his story and said the girl he knew was Hispanic and spelled her name differently. The girl on the ID looks Caucasian and has a Polish last name.

He's also from a completely different city in our state that neither my girlfriend nor l have any connection to. He then claimed he "doesn't know what my girlfriend's car looks like," which isn't true. He's been in it before, and he sees us come and go from it regularly. Lately we've been parking in our apartment's garage, and he's even parked right next to her car on one of the 6 levels.

My girlfriend and I are stuck between two possibilities:

1. He went into her car at some point without us knowing and dropped it.
2. He put it there intentionally for some reason we don't understand.

He tends to project a very "I don't care about anything" persona. He used to say he was asexual (we're pretty sure he meant aromantic). He's also very intelligent, so he knows this situation looks strange and that we'd question him.

There's one more thing that's been bothering me: months ago, he walked into my room unannounced while my girlfriend was asleep in my bed. He later apologized for entering without knocking, but didn't mention anything about seeing her. I only bring this up because it adds to the pattern of boundary-blurring behavior.

We also tried to look up the girl on the ID to see if maybe she lost it somewhere publicly, but she has almost no social media presence, just a Facebook that hasn't been active in over a year. We still tried messaging what we could of the girl’s social medias.

Now I'm stuck wondering:
Did he drop it accidentally while doing something weird in her car?

Or did he put it there intentionally?
I genuinely don't know what to think anymore, and I'm not sure what the next step should be.
(The meal is of Swiss cheese, Spanish limes, and a kiwi)

Edit: We have found some of the girl’s contacts and tried reaching out but she has denied the friend requests and messages or the numbers were not correct. We are going to report it to the police if we can’t contact her.

For context as well: I can’t drive, and my gf comes Saturday nights and typically leaves Monday or after.

My gf lives 2hrs away in a different city as well and we share each other’s locations and schedules for calling, which we look at locations to determine.

My roommate is not the same race as the girl in the id and I’ve seen his childhood pictures, I only say this because people were speculating my roommate may be transgender.

My gf bought her car from a man in a completely different city in 2023 and her car is a model 22.

Lastly, my roommate went to a school in a city of 20,000 students with only 1,500 kids in total attending his high school, the city is tucked away in the south of our state and is 5+ hours away.

Tl:dr: I think my roommate might’ve planted some girl he went to high school with’s id in my girlfriend’s car while it was unlocked and we were unaware or worse.

Half eaten burger that my mom brought me tonight

Me (34M) and my wife (36F), well about to be ex-wife, are about to be divorced and this was sent through text messages while I am recovering from surgery 2 and a half days ago. This collapse lung surgery VAT is considered one of if not the most painful surgeries to recover from.

There is really too much to write and the reasons are multitude, but I'll try and summarise and be unbiased as possible. If I am thinking or seeing things in the wrong way please let me know nicely and I try to be better.

Some context to the situation: I am a step-father to her son who is already 15 years ago. I have cared for this boy as my own son for the last 10 years and financially supported him through everything he needs, clothes, hobbies, games, computer, toys, pocket money, you name it I paid for it.

My wife said she started to feel alone and lonely about 3 years ago and ha said this was the beginning breaking point for her. She believed I stopped giving her the attention she deserved such as not going on dates as much, spending quality time together and things in-between. I will admit looking back I may have been a little comfortable with our relationship and didn't let say, "romance" her as much as I previously did, but I never, I believe, did I abandon her like she has with me recently. Also during this period (2023) I lost 4 family members within a span of 11 months. First it was my Grand mother on my father side, 3 months later it was my bio-logical father, another 4 months later it was my Step-father who cared for me since I was 5, and then a couple of months later it was my Grandfather on my mother side. I was completely devastated and lost. I know my wife then did support me, but I didn't just stop everything. I still went to work everyday, paid the bills and cared for the family that we had. Early in the relationship I had mentioned to my wife that in the end I would like to care for my mother and not let her be abandon in some retirement home and she agreed, its just a little unfortunate that I had to do it now instead of later.

So end of 2023, I moved my entire family, me my wife and my son to my mother house to keep her company. She used to live with her husband (my step-father) and both her parents. (Grandmother passed away 2020) so essentially if I didn't move back, my mom would come home to an empty house with no one there. This would have literally killed her. My wife at the time was very supportive and said it was the right thing to do. Along side that my wife's mother was also in a bad spot and we decided to also move my wife's mother into our home to all be together. For the first year everything and everyone got along so well, it was magical! No arguments or fights between any of the 3 women in the house. While during this ordeal, I was also dealing with the my step father and my fathers Will and their wishes, as my mother couldn't do so emotionally. So I never really had the time to grieve properly as I had to be strong for my mother and the family. I was the sole provider and paid for everything.

Its during these next few years my wife quietly began to drift away and I started to see signs of cracks but wasn't aware enough or attentive enough to notice and that feeling of loneliness built up in her. She felt that she was doing all the support and didn't get anything back. In 2024-2025 I had gotten my inheritance and immediately my wife wanted to try for a child of our own. I had split it up into chucks, one large chuck for her as her own cushion, another chunk for our son's future, another chunk for our joint account, and then the rest I put away. I unfortunately smoked quite heavily then and this was my fault. I know my wife tried really hard to improve her health to increase the chances of a child, while I did the bare minimum. We couldn't conceive after 2 years of trying and early this year, 2026, she told me she no longer wanted a child with me anymore. That was probably when I noticed she was slipping away. I know I could have done more with this but I didn't so here I know I was wrong. Initially during the relationship we both said we didn't want another child as we already had my wife's kid. So the sudden switch was hard for me to adjust.

Since then I've dropped everything I could to be there for her, quit smoking, got healthier, started a company so that we could be more financially secure, I got my Will from my mom's and showed my wife what an amazing future we could have, we would be sorted for life! I'm talking millions of USD plus a 2400sq house all for us. Our whole future was already being sorted we just had to supportive ourselves until then. Up until now from 2023, my wife hasn't had the need for a full-time job since I covered and paid for all the bills, and the house that I moved into with my mother has already been bought and paid for.

As the months went by this year, my wife began to behave very differently. I began to notice change in her appearance, new style and hair cut, going out more often, sleep over at "friends" places, staying out from Friday all the way to Sunday and she would do this for months on end. Work some part time job 3-4 hours a day Monday to Thursday, party and hang out with her girlfriends Friday to Sunday. All while I continued working, paying the bills that we had, taking care of our son. I began to feel lonely and mentioned it to her only for her to say you did the same to me for years and now I need to focus on myself, and love myself and heal myself. This is where I know I did damage. I've never been emotionally needed before and this was the first time. I begged for her attention and it got nasty. She pushed away even more to the point I threaten our relationship 3 times. Each time she was about to agree, I cracked and took my words back and couldn't handle the feeling of her leaving me. I know I was wrong here. I was weak, desperate and did irreputable damage. I just didn't know how to handle all these emotional "neediness"

(Oh I should mention that all parent meeting, school events, school disciplinary meeting anything to do with our son and school I attended and not her, she's never been to a parent teacher meeting, She even had a message to the teachers saying that when she gets messages from the teachers it stresses her out and she can't handle it so please contact me instead, I dropped work, cancel clients if anything happened to him at school and few things did, including one time a student put his hands around my son's throat and tried to strangle him!)

Then around April this year she says "How would you feel if I were to hook up with a girl?" "If you didn't know I'm actually Bi" she said. I was weak and said I wouldn't mind as long as it didn't affect us, it did. During this year we had constant arguments about anything and everything and whenever we did, she'd go to her place to stay over the night. This other time she even went to a gay person's house house to consolidate with and he kissed her on the lips! She had the audacity to ask me if this was considered cheating! She said it wasn't as she "cut him off". Since then its been a constant battle of arguments about anything and everything where it always ends up with her saying I am not being attentive and giving her what she deserved and that whenever I mention how much I have helped and supported her, she says that I dangle or use this "money" to make her feel guilty! I tried not to make it seem that way but maybe I did, I felt like I gave so much of me to her and didn't get much in return.

In September I was feeling really down. We had a "bachelor" group chat where we would chat shit including joking about getting hookers (I know its disgusting) but I swear on my mother's life I never did it, we joked about it but never followed through. She found out because she went on my computer and read my WhatsApp messages. I guess she's been reading them for a while now since my computer is never locked and I never hid, deleted or kept any secrets from her. I know it was a bad thing to talk about but I was so down and depressed. It's not an excuse but it does look really bad, I know. Again I know I am not in the right 100% and trying my best to give you all the information from both sides the best I can. I need to also atone for my wrong doings. She really believes I did the deed, so I showed her everything I had, all my bank accounts, payments, withdrawal, cash app you name it, zero money taken out at all. I didn't do it. You don't have to believe me but I know I didn't. I've been cheated on pretty much all of my other relationship and wouldn't do this to her.

Then October came and my lung collapsed and I had to go to the hospital for immediate chest drain and surgery after. I even celebrated my birthday October 20th all alone in the hospital bed while my wife was out on a Halloween party / event. I've been in the hospital, bed ridden and in constant pain for over 2 weeks, and I finally asked her why she has visited me much? (4 times in 15 days) In fact my mother has been doing my wife's job by caring for me, cleaning me, and bringing me food. My wife response was, because I have work, debt and bills to pay. I got a little upset and confronted her about it saying how is that possible. Plus if you said you needed some financial support in order to care for me, my mother and myself would ensure she could do so without losing money. (My mother is a movie producer in Hong Kong and China so she is well off). As I kept poking and questioned many of her answers I found didn't make logical sense she popped the words, "Then I want to divorce you, you kept pushing and pushing".

Here is the kicker, she can't financially support herself yet alone her son. So she will move out while her son will still continue to live with me and she will visit him here and there (her words exactly). The poorest will be him. Losing both his bio logical parent. I am a child of divorce to, and had an amazing step-father. I will never abandon him as he is my son, he may not be by blood but he is by my love. I will make sure he has a house, family, and support.

Never in my life have anyone ever done anything so harsh to me. To divorce me while I'm in the hospital like this. I know I am not perfect and I know I've done wrong. But did I really deserve this treatment? I guess I just need some outside opinions.

I'm ready for the brutally honest response. Hit me everyone. I'm already so low nothing can get me lower now....

I'll do my best to respond to all questions as I have nothing much left to do but lay here in this hospital bed. Thanks for reading, really appreciate it.

Edit: I've gotten a lot of messages saying this must be fake, AI generated or something on that line. Sorta hurts me to hear this, this was quite painful to write as I tried to be as unbiased as possible. I really dont know what I wrote for it to look or sound fake. I know my situation is very different but my life has been an absolutely roller coaster of a journey. If you truly think this is a fake story, please feel free to message me personally with any of your concerns and ill do my best to address them. Honestly I wish this was fake...

My (32) girlfriend (30) of about a year has recently become very focused on my dating history. We’ve talked about past relationships and the like, but last week she demanded that we go through my social media following one by one and I tell the story of anyone I’ve been involved with before I delete them.

I’m not attached to having them on socials but didn’t agree that she needed to know the backstory to every interaction. We compromise that I delete them while she watches. This still feels a little overbearing but honestly I understand it.

But, she took screenshots of my followers list before I deleted them, then referenced afterwards and found who was removed. She made a list of them and looked at their profiles and Googled (at least some of) them. This feels invasive to me in a way that I don’t really know how to describe.

Related, she’s recently started asking me to compare her to my past long term relationship, a woman I dated for four years until 2022. That relationship ended for emotional and logistical reasons and it’s long in the past - she’s now married and I’ve been in other relationships since.

My gf is convinced that, because I had a close and loving relationship previously, that she is not special to me. This is despite our relationship being defined by a dynamic where I continually show and tell her I love her while she is less openly affectionate.

She needs to know that I love her “more” than I loved my ex which I don’t know how to engage. In so many ways, I do love her more, but I also don’t agree that it’s right to compare relationships in some hierarchy.

Together, these things make her feel like I’m incapable of loving her, and it makes me feel like I’m damaged goods. She hasn’t generally been insecure in our relationship but we’ve started talking about the future more seriously and it seems to have sent us down this rabbit hole.

Homemade focaccia pizza

ETA: thanks everyone for your comments. They have been a bit overwhelming but I’ve read most (if not all?) of them and I think I know what I need to do. I’m sorry to not reply to anyone in particular but just know that I appreciate your advice and concerns

Food is Uzbek noodles with beef and chicken skewer .

I am turning 30 next year, as soon as I was about to start university my father suffered a stroke that led him to be paralysed . He was pursuing elections in my home country so it pushed him to the edge when he lost. He also spent the last 6 years writing a book so he basically ignored us for that whole time before he lost the elections. We were rich( he was a major petroleum engineer in a gulf country since 70s) but most of the money was spent on his political campaign and later on his hospital and medical needs and also on my oldest sisters studies in America and other siblings studying In Europe .
I moved back home to change his diapers , help him pee and shower for all my 20s. Being the middle child of many kids me and my dad had no relationship . I can’t remember him sitting with me or spending the holidays with us . So when I would take care of him it’s cause of my mom . All my older siblings took the first chance to Europe or America they could and now have amazing careers. My dad’s side of the family were ruthless and would try to attack my mom on everything they could . So I stomached all the emotional shit and seeing my friends snapchats studying partying traveling working marrying, just to protect my mom .
My dad died and my mom soon later , she suffered an aneurysm and literally died while I was holding her.
During that time my younger sibling developed more mental health problems that they became completely under my care too .
I feel unaccomplished , a failure , no degree or job . I recently got accepted into university in France but I couldn’t go cause none of my siblings would sacrifice their perfect life to come take care of my younger sibling while I study in France.
This is my last dinner as I will soon travel to resettle my sibling with my grandma and aunt as I am at my wits end .
I can’t help but think what if I escaped when I was 20 and took care of myself my needs my education my career .
Anyways , I will start my 30s alone because most of family are guilt tripping for leaving my special needs younger sibling in my grandmas care.
They plan to not help me financially or anything but I think I’m okay with that i get about 800$ a month from the family “estate” where all siblings get an equal share monthly so I plan to save it up to pursue my education
i hate myself but I plan to discover ALOT of things about myself . Next year will actually be the first time I cook only for myself or I clean only my clothes . Or I don’t have to deal with my siblings psychotic outbreaks . I hope my 30s are better .
I think I am depressed.

What’s for dinner? Leftover Thai Basil Pork with a side of angst, worry, concern and sadness.

Long distance romance has been getting ever more serious, to the point of multiple calls daily, texting all day long. Two weeks ago she confessed that her ex (whom she still clearly loves) had done some things to express his apologies and desire to make things right. She said all the right things, but my heart still fell into my shoes.

Today she was quiet; I confirmed that she was prepping for dinner. I retreated into silence, realizing that everything was out of my hands and I’m consigned to whatever the results are. Figured the least I could do was create some atmosphere.

At least I got texted a picture of a nice steak. 

Bagel from my favorite deli because it is now extremely difficult to cook for myself

I had spent most of my life pretty fortunate, and took my health and ability to just generally exist for granted.

Towards the end of this past college term, I was driving a few hours to visit my fiancée, who lives in the neighboring state. It was getting late on a pretty dark stretch of highway when I was hit by a drunk driver. I was left with an L1 incomplete spinal injury. while I have begun to recover, at this stage it looks like I will likely be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life! so that’s fantastic

I never realized how much harder everything was going to be. I’ve had to put off my wedding, my final year of college, everything. I can barely leave my apartment because it’s impossible to get anywhere in a wheelchair. I can’t go into a car without having a panic attack

My fiancée and family have been so great but it’s hard not to think about the way my life could have been. I know I have a lot of things to be grateful for still; my fiancée, the fact I am still alive, the fact that I can still control my bowels lol and the fact that I am not more crippled.

I try to think that the only thing to do is grow from it🤷‍♂️ still

I just the moral of the story is to not take your life for granted. And don’t drink and drive.

Been with my Gf for about 2 years. We are pretty close, and we basically know everything about each other, including our desires and insecurities. I think every single time I’ve asked her to do something new, she always wanted to tried it and usually pretty excited too.

We’ve done anal, we’ve used Nutella, we’ve done it in public, dress up, and outside in a nice green grassy field. I felt super comfortable with her, and assumed she would be down for something even spicer.

Finally I get the courage to ask her the big question, «Wanna try pegging? », she said, no. After, she went super quiet, basically just on her phone never even looking at me and giving one word answers. It was pretty awkward so I left. Text her three hours later, and she’s ghosted me for more then a day.

We have a lot of friends in common, she knows my parents, where I work, basically everything. Maybe she even has my Russian grandma’s WhatsApp. I CANNOT have this become public news, and I also really don’t want to loose her. What should I do??

Edit: raw salmon and eggs for dinner, I don’t know how to cook.

Edit 2: Nutella and anal we’re never in the same room.

thin-cut steak from a local butcher with dried herbs and black pepper, pickles, veggie dumplings, and a dark beer.
——
I have one photo from the day my daughter was born. I'm holding her, looking at her with a face I don't have anymore. Pure pride and hope.

Fast forward 6 years. She's nonverbal autistic. The deep kind. She won't talk. She won't be independent.

I've been mourning for years now. Mourning someone who is still here, which is a strange kind of grief. The life I dreamed of. Gone.

I would have been a great dad. The "I complain about driving her to her friends' houses but I'm secretly happy she asked" kind of dad.
She won't have friends' houses. She will not ask.

Nobody is prepared for this. I used to make jokes about slow people like anyone else. I can't anymore. Because, honestly, I wish she were at least that smart.

Every afternoon I pick her up from school (special classroom) and we walk home through a little pine forest. Silence.

I've learned to read her body. The way she squeezes my hand. The way she slows down when the light comes through the trees. I can tell she likes the walk with me.

Lately, watching her run between these pines, I had this thought: she isn't fully here? Like part of her doesn't belong to this world. Like a fairy 🧚 that wandered in by mistake.

Nonsense, I’m not bananas I promise.

At bath time she waits for me to blow on her belly. Prrrrr. And she laughs. That laugh is the closest thing to a conversation wewil have.

At some point I started doing the math. I was 29 when she was born. Where we live, women outlive men by about 5 years. So I won't be by her side for 30+ y.

This keeps me up at night.

So I started fighting for life span. A Personal trainer, 3 times a week. I train on my lunch break. Every rep is one more day with her.

And work… I used to be a programmer. We were entitled dicks who felt untouchable. AI changed that overnight. So I worked harder than I've ever worked in my life. Because someone has to provide for her when I'm gone. I'm getting promoted.

I’m more of an asshole than I used to be… Small problems don't get to me anymore. Other people's drama like, I just don’t care. I just focus on my family.

At least, my wife and I became a solid team. In Spain we have a saying for this: hacer piña. To close ranks like the scales of a pineapple, tight, so nothing gets in.

I'm not the dad I thought I'd be. Maybe… im her guardian? Instead. I wish my life would have been different.

Thanks for reading.

Long read, I need to vent

I’m not sure where to start. Wife and I have been together 9 years from early 20s to now late 20s. Our relationship has been filled with love and was great overall. Recently (in the last 2 years or so) I was distant because I wasn’t in a great place mentally. I couldn’t give her what she needed consistently because I could barely take care of myself at times. Throughout it all she was the rock I could count on to be there.

Those feelings have subsided, and I am the happiest I’ve ever been in many aspects of my life. But about 4 months ago she came to me and said she was thinking of leaving the relationship because of resentment she’d built up over the course of that same period. Of course I was devastated and immediately began the process of trying to resolve the issues to save the relationship. Throughout the course of the last few months, I could tell that she was not putting in any effort towards trying to fix it, no matter what she was saying.

We’ve always had access to each other’s phone passwords and locations for safety reasons. Never once used either of those in a negative way, until a couple of weeks ago when she checked my phone while I was asleep because she was concerned about an old coworker of mine. Naturally she didn’t find anything, but I was taken back by the fact that she felt the need to check. The little voices in my head started to get louder at this point.

We recently moved cross country in April for work, and both of us have been excited for this move for years. The relationship issues were brought to my attention not too long after we’d been settled. She would go back home every 4-6 weeks because she was homesick and missed family and friends. While she’s gone I would check her location to make sure when she’s out with them she made it home safely, etc etc. I noticed she was often in parking lots which I took as strange, but she always explained she was talking with friends after having dinner or something. Last night, I woke up and she was still out in a parking lot somewhere at 5:30 am. I texted and asked if she was okay and didn’t get a response until 3 hours later saying she’d made it home (which I knew already). At this point, the voices became overwhelmingly loud in my head so I opened her laptop to check her messages. I noticed a female name she’d never mentioned before asking if she’d made it home safely. I didn’t think too much of it until her response was asking if they could see each other again this evening. The other person responded that “yes, I want to. I love you.”

At this point I went into that person’s contact information and saw the suggested name was a male name, not a female name. Everything fell apart from there.

I called, she admitted to cheating several times per trip home because she got her emotional needs met by him while we were struggling. Often times in the back seat of his car in a parking lot. I asked if she loved him back and she admitted she had feelings for him. She doesn’t know what she wants and is moving back home. He has a fiancé as well so both of them were cheating on their supposed life partners.

I never thought I’d be considering reconciling with someone cheating on me but I can’t just move on with the snap of a finger. I want to be done and she seems to want to be done as well, but I don’t know how to just ignore the last 9 years of my life.

Cold chicken and Celsius because that’s all the energy I have right now.

Edit for clarification: I told her to leave and go back home, that’s not her making the decision.

Bought curry ramen for dinner.

For context, me (20M) and my bf (21M) have been together for two years; we met during our freshman years in which I came out to him as a trans guy when we were still in our talking stage. Maybe it's a red flag that he said he's always dated girls before but that he's attracted to guys too and that I'm a new experience for him.

But lately I've seen him repost MLW (Men Love Women) contents on his Instagram, and he sends me MLW posts rather than the usual MLM (Men Love Men) content. I did talk to him about it, and he said he's sort of changing his mind about his attraction towards guys and that I should just detransition and follow what he wants, but I told him that was a no-go for me.

How do I move on from this? We've had our ups and downs; I'm also diagnosed with bipolar and BPD so it's quite hard to let go of my "favourite person". We've also had so many memories in college that I fear it would change how I go through the rest of my college years.

Any advice would be helpful, thank you.