r/polandball • u/3_tankista UCCP • Feb 24 '14

redditormade Evolution of Russia

http://i.imgur.com/aLKiAS9.png
2.3k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

272 comments sorted by

374

u/3_tankista Feb 24 '14 edited Feb 24 '14

This is what I've been doing for the last week. I hope you will like it. Hope dies last. Maybe I should of done that vertical. Whatever.

Just realised that I forgot to put shades in there. Idiot.

From left to right:

Baltoslavs ; Slavs ; Novgorodian Rus' ; Kievan Rus' ; Principality of Vladimir-Suzdal ; Grand Duchy of Moscow ; Tsardom of Moscow ; Tsardom of Russia ; Russia after the Time of Troubles ; Russian Empire ; Russian Empire 2: Empire strikes back ; Russian Empire 3: Revenge of the Tsar ; Dirty bourg... I mean, Russian Republic ; Russian Soviet Federative Socialist Republic ; Union of Soviet Socialist Republics ; Union of Soviet Socialist Republics 2: The Two Towers ; Union of Soviet Socialist Republics 3: the Return of the General Secretary ; Russian Federation ; Russian Federation 2: Reloaded.

Phew, that's a lot of Russia's. I made so many of them, I can now title myself "Tsar of All Russias"! Heh. He-heh. I'm so funny.

Side quest: There is a Russian curse word hidden in 3 different places, the one who finds them all will get a cookie.

166

u/BerryPi Feb 24 '14

Un

Deux

Trois

gibe prize

8

u/3_tankista Feb 25 '14

You tried. Well, you can take this cookie as a consolation prize anyway - http://i.imgur.com/mdpsnCm.jpg

50

u/TheActualAWdeV Feb 24 '14

yuo are good.

edit: not the first though.

0

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '14

5

u/BerryPi Feb 25 '14

Gosh darn it!

I'll get that cookie someday, you mark my words!

48

u/Chad815 Feb 24 '14

This is the kind of shit I love. Countries and Star Wars humor

34

u/[deleted] Feb 24 '14 edited Feb 24 '14

Is that Trotsky as the first Soviet Republic?

0

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '14

42

u/Gracien Feb 25 '14

Hey girl, wanna see my Gulag?

25

u/whileromeburns88 Feb 25 '14

I believe that photo is from the time Iossif audited Introductory Gender Studies during his sophomore year at Bard College. He still had that scarf that Imogen got him at the local co-op for the Ironic Christmas Party the previous winter.

2

u/FattyMcSchwabbel Feb 25 '14

He's not that ugly. Have you ever seen a picture of Avogadro (you know, the chemist)? Holy Carol that dude had it rough

16

u/GrassWaterDirtHorse Feb 25 '14

You can see the Vodka tolerance increasing

15

u/blue-dwarf Feb 24 '14

What are the runes on Slav's sword?

26

u/dharms Feb 24 '14

Novgorod was ruled by Vikings who gradually became slavic.

22

u/BerryPi Feb 25 '14

So Russia is part viking?

Hm, this gives me an idea...

26

u/Mattofla Feb 25 '14

Culturally they are still very much slavic, just influenced in leadership by some vikings.

7

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '14

Novgorod was ruled by Vikings who gradually became slavic.

That's not true. Rurik were from Rerik - slav city in Eastern Germany.

7

u/motke_ganef Feb 25 '14

Askold, Asmud, Sveneld, Igor, Olga, Oleg, Rurik. Sure thing. Sounds slav. And Rurik came with «sine hus» and «tru vor» which have obviously been not «his house» and «loyal guards» but 2 slav dudes, one with a blue moustache, and one called «I rub» who was also a thief.

1

u/Nukleon Mar 02 '14

Nobody is sure who Rurik is. Some suggested that he was Rorek/Rorik, the nephew of Frisian nobleman Harald Klak, who was the king of Denmark in the late 9th century, but it mostly goes by his name and the fact that Rorek disappeared from the Frankish history books and appeared in Russian tradition around the same time.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rorik_of_Dorestad

1

u/Mazius Feb 25 '14

Although we called them Varyags.

0

u/[deleted] Jul 30 '25

17

u/coloicito Feb 24 '14

Awesome art!

Just one thing, the USSR != Russia. The USSR would be like an EU with more power, and every country would be a republic under it. Therefore, the real russian flag would be this one between the years 1937 and 1954, and this one between 1954 - 1991.

0

u/[deleted] Feb 24 '14

33

u/coloicito Feb 25 '14 edited Feb 25 '14

If you look into the history of how the USSR ended, you'll see that it still "existed" after Russia left the USSR. The real end of the USSR was when Kazajstan left the Federation.

At a certain moment in history, both Russia as an independent state (and not as a federated republic) and USSR as a "state" (calling it State would be a joke) existed.

19

u/matude Feb 25 '14

Following the dissolution of the Soviet Union on 26 December 1991, Russia was internationally recognized[37] as its legal successor on the international stage. To that end, Russia voluntarily accepted all Soviet foreign debt and claimed overseas Soviet properties as its own. Under the 1992 Lisbon Protocol, Russia also agreed to receive all nuclear weapons remaining in the territory of other former Soviet republics. Since then, the Russian Federation has assumed the Soviet Union's rights and obligations.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soviet_Union#Dissolution

13

u/whileromeburns88 Feb 25 '14

Yeah, but when Gorbachev resigned and the Soviet parliament voted itself out of existence, they transferred their powers (and all those nukes) to Yeltsin and the Russian Duma.

10

u/alfonsoelsabio Feb 25 '14

I did not know that. Learning!

10

u/Volesco Feb 25 '14

Technically correct, but in terms of territory and ethnicity, the Soviet Union was almost identical to the pre-WWI Russian Empire. And the Russian SFSR as a state had no real power for most of the USSR's history; it was almost completely subject to the will of the Soviet Politburo as with the other SSRs. And, of course, it was the Union as a whole that was the player on the international stage, not the Russian SFSR.

18

u/bluesmurf Feb 25 '14

USSR == Russia, the USSR was just the Russia re-branded. The USSR then went ahead and split itself into republics, which then branched off individually. Your comparison to the EU is wrong because these countries didn't exist prior to the USSR (unless you go way back several centuries).

2

u/GeneralFapper Feb 25 '14

Majoryti of the countries in USSR existed before USSR and was occupied by the USSR

2

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '14

Not quite correct. Several countries (for example, Uzbekistan and Turkmenistan) where conquered by Russian Empire only recently, about mid-XIX century. Those countries have their own culture, history and language, and were not assimilated.

In other words, Russian Empire =/= Russia.

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213

u/Oflor Feb 24 '14

2: Хуй on the sword

3: Хуй on the axe

4: Giant Хуй

Russians are OP at finding russian curse words, pls nerf

106

u/3_tankista Feb 24 '14

Damn, you ruined everything.

Take your cookie - http://www.rakhat.kz/imgdb/imgbig5_440_532.gif

36

u/vanderZwan Feb 24 '14

Kroket?

16

u/dotsau Feb 24 '14

Satekroketten FTW!

9

u/TheActualAWdeV Feb 24 '14

I always like that image. For some reason both the english page for kroket AND the one for frikandel use pictures taken in a restaurant in Thailand for dutch foodstuffs. I still have no idea why.

I assume there's a "dutch" restaurant in chiang mai.

0

u/[deleted] Feb 24 '14

32

u/Tozapeloda77 Feb 24 '14

Everything no normal man would dare to eat... Seriously though, it's pretty unclear what is actually in side but it is probably a combination of horsemeat, pieces of cows that no other company wants and a lot of unhealthy chemicals.

1

u/LordOfTurtles Feb 25 '14

That is complete and utter balony, kroketten aren't made with left over meat all, they are made with stringy cow meat (if you got a beefkroket) and use really high quality meat

1

u/Tokyocheesesteak Feb 25 '14

Sounds great. Where do I get some?

8

u/TheActualAWdeV Feb 24 '14

Bovine eyeballs, horse ankles, pig trotters. You know, wholesome meats.

4

u/[deleted] Feb 24 '14

Inferno and thunder.

1

u/Durzo_Blint Feb 24 '14

The fuck is that? Looks like a mozzarella stick on a piece of white bread.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '14

it's a kroket ! it's filled with goo and meat like substance and you eat it with mustard and it tastes delicious and gross at the same time. it's scientifically proven to make you feel good at 6 am after way too much to drink when you stumble into a FEBO.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '14

What is that?

3

u/dotsau Feb 24 '14

Also on the helmet

2

u/SonicFrost Feb 25 '14

Man, I fucking loved those as a kid!

2

u/Tokyocheesesteak Feb 25 '14

Your flair promised me a cookie. Where is my pechenka? And no, I'm not asking for liver, though that would be cool, too.

4

u/3_tankista Feb 25 '14

Fine, I will allow you to take it - http://i.imgur.com/FqeY2dk.png

1

u/ARGUMENTUM_EX_CULO Feb 27 '14

I expected it to say хуй.

10

u/Soviet_Waffle Feb 25 '14

Well done, товарищ!

7

u/pipiska Feb 25 '14

russians are OP in writing russian curse words. on everything.

4

u/motke_ganef Feb 25 '14

The Chujs are only half as bad as the eight-legged SwaSlavstika in picture 2.

89

u/ChickenScuttleMonkey Feb 24 '14

Please make this a series, doing a different country each time. This is fantastic.

4

u/3_tankista Feb 25 '14

Sure, why not?

49

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '14

Ooh boy, good luck with 'Murica. We'll have...

50-13...

...Around 40 nearly identical flags in our comic!

18

u/irish711 Feb 25 '14

Missing Grand Union flag.

0

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '14

11

u/Prospo Feb 25 '14

That's from when we were just getting the hang of freedom.

2

u/BloodyEjaculate Apr 22 '14

Seriously who's idea was it to add another star every time a new state showed up? Why not simply keep the original thirteen in memory of the colonies? It seems like a whole lot of added trouble and we end up with an uglier flag. We dont need to look at our flag to remember how many states there are in the union

1

u/agmaster Feb 25 '14

'Murica had the devil horns style star as a flag?

8

u/Tozapeloda77 Feb 24 '14

Too bad 3_tankista only seems to glorify HIS motherland :(

5

u/franzfanon Feb 24 '14

It would be awesome

4

u/LurkOrMaybePost Feb 25 '14

I am gonna do one for USA. The important part will be hat choice, weapon choice, and when to implement the cool shades...

6

u/TheDogwhistles Feb 25 '14

USA has always had the shades. Came out of the womb with them.

3

u/penniavaswen Feb 25 '14

I always thought that shades are best on mid-WWII America and later, since it was only really then that the US started becoming actively interventionist as a policy instead of more of an exception. I've seen pretty good cases for Cuba/Philippines/post-WWI, especially when the Allies assisted the White Army in the Russian Civil War, but America seems to don them pretty reluctantly.

1

u/KatsumotoKurier Feb 25 '14

Would it be excepted for anyone to do, do you think? Or strictly OP's series?

16

u/tanyalukyanova Feb 24 '14

I've been waiting for this day to finally have a countryball comic that glorifies Russia.

6

u/3_tankista Feb 25 '14

I've done few of them already, actually.

6

u/Cooleach Feb 24 '14

Отлично! Хочу печенек :)

3

u/3_tankista Feb 25 '14

Онли афтер ю флейр ап, мэйт.

Бат вотэвар, тэйк зыс: http://g.a.d-cd.net/9a4d5e8s-480.jpg

61

u/thexfiles81 Feb 24 '14

Dem Mosin-Nagants

Dat PPsH

Dat Ak-74

Everything about the guns is perfect, you even got the little ribs on the ak-74's magazine and its muzzle break right. Truly a man after my own heart.

12

u/orthoxerox Feb 25 '14

RIFLES ARE FINE

Fixed that for you.

22

u/mattdg91 Feb 24 '14

GLORIOUS RIFLES OF MOTHER RUSSIA.

20

u/MonarchBeef Feb 25 '14

He's really pulling for the 'murican vote.

4

u/calle30 Feb 25 '14

Want american upvotes ? Include gun in comic.

45

u/weimergunners Feb 24 '14

"Adidas" is a curse in russian? Funny, because "Nike" is one in finnish.

49

u/[deleted] Feb 24 '14

Adidas is memetically worn by bydlo people here, which are not law abiding, uncivile, barbaric and vulgar - exactly what people were like in Russia in '90s. So yes, it is kind of a curse.

17

u/weimergunners Feb 24 '14

Taking incredibly shitty jokes seriously is detrimental to one's squishy brainy bits.

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12

u/Dojinsan Feb 24 '14

You don't like to look sporty at 2 am?

5

u/pipiska Feb 25 '14

potato can't into гопники & быдлятина. potato civilised. potato is of european.

19

u/gobohobo Feb 24 '14

It's Russian tuxedo.

4

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '14

Huh, interesting. Here in America, our curse is called "Skechers"

4

u/gohkamikaze Feb 26 '14

'Sketchers' used to be the coolest when I was at school here in Australia. 'Crocs' are our scourge.

1

u/northman358 Feb 27 '14

nike is a curse in finnish

Umm wut

33

u/weimergunners Feb 24 '14 edited Feb 24 '14

One wonders how The Land of the Rus would have turned out, if the growing Muscowy had been crushed by the Novgorodians.

The merchant-republic of Russia sounds nifty.

9

u/Mazius Feb 25 '14

Novgorod never posed any real threat to Muscovy (unlike Tver, for example) and was too much into getting monies, than getting clay.

2

u/Dany0 Feb 25 '14

Except for when it got those massive portions of clay up north by force.

1

u/Mazius Feb 25 '14 edited Feb 26 '14

In the context of Moscovy and Novgorod relations, Novgorod desperatly tried to protect remnants of the former glorious clay from friendly neighbours.

After all, one of the Novgorod enemies - Tver, was merely a former small trading post of the said Novgorod.

65

u/czokletmuss Feb 24 '14

This is the pinnacle of Russian evolution.

27

u/Gibberick Feb 24 '14

What did I just watch

14

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '14

Pure 100% refined Russia.

5

u/grenvill Feb 25 '14

Its a parody

20

u/rockythecocky Feb 24 '14

This makes me feel shame that we won cold war.

10

u/TheActualAWdeV Feb 24 '14

They're like twenty years late for gabber.

15

u/Aiskhulos Feb 25 '14

What is it with Russians and tracksuits?

33

u/irish711 Feb 25 '14

Slavs

Seriously. They love their track suits! And squatting!

9

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '14

Serb here, can confirm. Currently wearing a track suit and squatting while smoking a cigarette. The last one is particularly important.

9

u/breadfag Feb 25 '14

Comfortable, affordable, and the ultimate in gopnik fashion!

6

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '14

And they say life in Russia sucks. Look at those dangerously happy gentlefolk.

4

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '14

That be Bydlo essense. You have plenty of that too if I recall correctly, Польша.

3

u/ohnoitsrambo Feb 25 '14

No clue what i just watched. The music was strangely catchy...

3

u/Made_of_Awesome Feb 25 '14

This is why there will never be peace between us.

1

u/Mazius Feb 25 '14

I beg to differ.

1

u/Hazarc Feb 28 '14

What did I just watch?

1

u/monsieurvampy Feb 25 '14

For some odd reason youtube won't work for me. >_>

189

u/whitesock Feb 24 '14 edited Feb 24 '14

Hey OP, there's nothing rule braking here, but please try to avoid doing horizontal comics in the future. They're awkward to read, even in RES and even if this one has no actual text or plot. Just make it diagonal vertical instead.

132

u/Noha307 Feb 24 '14

I was wondering when the mods were going to step in and stop this madness.

Just make it diagonal instead.

Cannot tell if serious. Rest of comment is serious, but this...

153

u/whitesock Feb 24 '14

Jewish physics extend into directions as well, you see.

37

u/[deleted] Feb 24 '14 edited Feb 24 '14

I think horizontal works for this comic. But that may just me being weird.

17

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '14

It does seem very timeliney.

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9

u/MachThreve Feb 25 '14

Kind of follows suit with the movie The Russian Ark which is pretty damn cool

30

u/Opticine Feb 24 '14

I don't understand why people dislike horizontal comics if computer screens have more pixels horizontally than vertically.

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39

u/Matt92HUN Feb 24 '14

Diagonal would be even more weird, why not just vertical?

90

u/whitesock Feb 24 '14

I cannot into directions.

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15

u/CupBeEmpty Feb 25 '14

Wait, what!? This is a rule now!?

The reactionary mods oppose the horizontal revolution!?

8

u/maorycy Feb 25 '14

It works perfectly if you open in new tab and zoom in.

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22

u/silverkir Feb 24 '14

If I could have this as a poster, I would proudly put it in my room. Great job sir!

10

u/Matt92HUN Feb 24 '14

Why not print it?

12

u/Moynia Feb 24 '14

You could blow it up as an SVG and make it a wall long poster.

2

u/pipiska Feb 25 '14

because it's damn horizontal. only good for making a stripe and wrapping it around a room.

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19

u/koleye Feb 24 '14

That's a beautiful AK.

16

u/rindindin Feb 24 '14

Ah yes, sophisticated Russia. Cheese and wine instead of bread and vodka.

7

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '14

"And no beards!!"

-Peter the Great

1

u/Karranas Feb 27 '14

Isn't it bread and wine that Russia's holding? A little of both?

10

u/TheBear242 Feb 25 '14

A brief overview of Russian history: "And then, things got even worse."

8

u/Talquin Feb 24 '14

Good job on the 91/30.

8

u/jbondyoda Feb 24 '14

Russia cannot into warm water port

5

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '14

This is the "I got the reference" post. Cookie?

3

u/jbondyoda Feb 25 '14

Sure. Gotta stay large here.

3

u/poktanju Feb 25 '14

Well, they might be getting Sevastopol back soon....

6

u/jbondyoda Feb 25 '14

If that's the case, then Poland will into space and then the world will be in chaos.

7

u/CupBeEmpty Feb 25 '14

COMRADE! The glorious horizontal revolution lives on!

6

u/bronxbomberdude Feb 24 '14

Awesome idea for a comic! We should do likewise for other countries.

4

u/MonarchBeef Feb 25 '14

Why does Russian look like Britannia in one panel???

Also, awesome job on the Mosin-Nagant.

8

u/breadfag Feb 25 '14

Peter the Great brought a lot of European influence back to Russia. Truly a great man :')

4

u/GrilledSalad Feb 25 '14

Nicely done товариш!

3

u/sean_incali Feb 25 '14

Somebody redo it, this time vertically.

3

u/EpochFail9001 Feb 25 '14

Wait where is the hundreds of years under Mongol rule?

7

u/pipiska Feb 25 '14

eat your vegetables, sit straight and be more concentrated.

3

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '14

We need more evolution posts.