r/shortstories • u/FyeNite • Aug 16 '26
[Serial Sunday] Prose or Poems? A Rivalry as Old as Time
Welcome to Serial Sunday!
To those brand new to the feature and those returning from last week, welcome! Do you have a self-established universe you’ve been writing or planning to write in? Do you have an idea for a world that’s been itching to get out? This is the perfect place to explore that. Each week, I post a theme to inspire you, along with a related image and song. You have 500 - 1000 words to write your installment. You can jump in at any time; writing for previous weeks’ is not necessary in order to join. After you’ve posted, come back and provide feedback for at least 1 other writer on the thread. Please be sure to read the entire post for a full list of rules.
This Week’s Theme is Prose! This is a REQUIREMENT for participation. See rules about missing this requirement.**
Bonus Word List (each included word is worth 5 pts) - You must list which words you included at the end of your story (or write ‘none’).
- Patch
- Pickled
- Peppers
- A tongue twister is spoken flawlessly or failed spectacularly. - (Worth 10 points)
Words. Words and letters and punctuation. All compiled together in a pleasing rhythm of meaning and adventure.
What stories belong in your worlds? Is there an author pondering the meaning of narratives too, or is this a land of misery and war without the song of stories?
Or maybe your world follows poems more? Where the rhyme and flow are more meaningful than the words themselves?
That’s up to you, you have a week to decide, I hope to enjoy your words soon.
Good luck and Good Words!
These are just a few things to get you started. Remember, the theme should be present within the story in some way, but its interpretation is completely up to you. For the bonus words (not required), you may change the tense, but the base word should remain the same. Please remember that STORIES MUST FOLLOW ALL SUBREDDIT CONTENT RULES. Interested in writing the theme blurb for the coming week? DM me on Reddit or Discord!
Don’t forget to sign up for Saturday Campfire here! We start at 5pm BSTand provide live feedback!
Theme Schedule:
This is the theme schedule for the next month! These are provided so that you can plan ahead, but you may not begin writing for a given theme until that week’s post goes live.
August 16 - Prose
August 23 - Quality
August 30 - Rebellion
September 6 - Stratagem
September 13 - Torture
Check out previous themes here.
Rankings
Last Week: Open
First - by u/KatPoker666
Second - by u/AGuyLikeThat
Third - by u/Morose_Prose
Fourth - u/KiIIer_queenie
Fifth - by u/mysteryrouge
Rules & How to Participate
Please read and follow all the rules listed below. This feature has requirements for amparticipation!
Submit a story inspired by the weekly theme, written by you and set in your self-established universe that is 500 - 1000 words. No fanfics and no content created or altered by AI. (Use wordcounter.net to check your wordcount.) Stories should be posted as a top-level comment below. Please include a link to your chapter index or your last chapter at the end.
Your chapter must be submitted by Saturday at 2:00pm BST. Late entries will be disqualified. All submissions should be given (at least) a basic editing pass before being posted!
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On Saturdays at 5pm BST, I host a Serial Sunday Campfire in our Discord’s Voice Lounge (every other week is now hosted by u/FyeNite). Join us to read your story aloud, hear others, and exchange feedback. We have a great time! You can even come to just listen, if that’s more your speed. Grab the “Serial Sunday” role on the Discord to get notified before it starts. After you’ve submitted your chapter, you can sign up here - this guarantees your reading slot! You can still join if you haven’t signed up, but your reading slot isn’t guaranteed.
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Ranking System
Rankings are determined by the following point structure.
| TASK | POINTS | ADDITIONAL NOTES |
|---|---|---|
| Use of weekly theme | 75 pts | Theme should be present, but the interpretation is up to you! |
| Including the bonus words | 5 pts each (15 pts total) | This is a bonus challenge, and estnot required! |
| Including the bonus constraint | 15 (15 pts total) | This is a bonus challenge, and not required! |
| Actionable Feedback | 5 - 15 pts each (60 pt. max)* | This includes thread and campfire critiques. (15 pt crits are those that go above & beyond.) |
| Nominations your story receives | 10 - 60 pts | 1st place - 60, 2nd place - 50, 3rd place - 40, 4th place - 30, 5th place - 20 / Regular Nominations - 10 |
| Voting for others | 15 pts | You can now vote for up to 10 stories each week! |
You are still required to leave at least 1 actionable feedback comment on the thread every week that you submit. This should include at least one specific thing the author has done well and one that could be improved. *Please remember that interacting with a story is not the same as providing feedback.** Low-effort crits will not receive credit.
Subreddit News
- Join our Discord to chat with other authors and readers! We hold several weekly Campfires, monthly World-Building interviews and several other fun events!
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6
u/ZLErikson Aug 16 '26 edited Aug 22 '26
<Casting Shadows>
Chapter 140
“Nuut was followin’ the path Iuven an’ Maar woulda been takin’, right? But she was a mite nervous about-”
“Ahem,” one of the beleaguered soldiers cleared his throat.
Lacus closed his mouth. The pinewood cart fell silent but for the creak and bump of the wheels and the clop clop of hooves. A soft slosh as the liquid in the barrel of pickled peppers he sat on shifted with the rocking of the cart.
“Yeh?” Lacus asked, lifting a dirt-encrusted grey eyebrow.
“How in the Seven Shadows do you know any of this? You just said that Anatu was in the tent and sent Nuut away, now you know what Nuut’s doing all the way away from camp?”
“Cuz I was there.”
“You can’t have been in both places.”
Lacus rolled his eyes then rested his face in his hand. He muttered, “Patience for the young is a young man’s game, and it’s been a time since I’ve felt young.”
“What was that?”
“Just talkin’ in Harenese.”
“What in The Seven is Harenese?”
A deeper voice answered, “Our mother tongue.” A grizzled soldier with short, grey hair and beard leaned forward, calloused hands laced together. He wasn’t quite as old as Lacus, but from the wrinkles on his brow and the patches in his travel cloak.
Unlike the young men riding in the cart, who were all on the journey full of mortal ignorance of the dangers, the grey beard - Quintus - was here with Lacus for the same, simple reason.
Revenge.
“First nation the Bastard King took,” Quintus grumbled.
“Near on thirty years ago,” Lacus added, nodding as he rolled a spear back and forth in his lap. “Before your time, I guess. How old are you all anyway?”
“Twenty-two,” the first soldier answered. The other four were similarly young. None of them would have been born when the Bastard arrived from the East.
Children then, and children now.
Thump thump thump.
The cart driver kicked the backboard. Everyone stiffened. The cart began to slow.
Lacus laid his spear down over the barrels he was sitting on then lifted up his legs and laid down as well, using his body to cover the weapon. Balling up his coat for a pillow, he feigned sleep.
The cart stopped and the crunch of boots on gravel approached. Lacus heard the flap open and strange voices spoke in Sammosan.
”Who are these?”
”The merchant has no tongue, ask them.”
“Who are you?” one of the strangers asked in the trade language. “What brings you to Sammos?”
“Traders,” the other old Haranae man grumbled. “My sons, and my father.”
Lacus resented being called Quintus’s father, but he was probably old enough. Looked it too, for sure.
“Wake him,” the Sammosan ordered.
One of the younger men jabbed Lacus in the ribs with his knuckle. “Hey, gramps, up.”
“Ugh,” Lacus grumbled. He muttered, ”In mari meri miri mori muri accidit,” and rolled a bit to lift his head and look out the back of the cart.
“What’d that mean?” the stranger asked. Now Lacus could see him; clad in dented, charred metal, and missing an eye. This one wasn’t some coward playing guardsman; he’d seen action. Recently.
“Just angry at my son,” Quintus said, reaching over and smacking the young man on the forehead. “Need anything from us?”
“What are you trading?”
“Peppers,” Quintus said. He kicked one of the barrels under Lacus. ”Pater, piperataria.”
Lacus sucked his teeth and narrowed his eyes. He sat up slightly, made sure to keep himself between the peering eyes of the guards and the spear he was hiding. Lifting the lid of a barrel, he pulled one of the shriveled green peppers out and tossed it at Quintus. ”Foetorem extremae latrinae.”
“What’s that?”
“He said not to give it away again,” Quintus lied easily, handing the guard the pickled pepper. “But it’s not giving away if it’s a gift.”
“Right you are,” the guard said. He examined the pepper then took a bite and made a face, spitting one of the seeds out. “Fine enough. Get on then.”
The guards left and the cart started moving again.
“Well, that was easy,” one of the young men said.
“Eh, Fariba probably paid them off first,” Lacus grumbled as he sat up. Age may have made him seem less threatening, but it sure made laying down on barrels uncomfortable.
“The mute merchant?”
“He wasn’t always mute,” Lacus said. “Truth be told I like him better this way.”
“Speaking of truth, how in the Seven Shadows-”
“Because he was there,” Quintus interrupted. “And what he wasn’t there for, he was told. By Anatu. By Cassandra.”
“Yeah sure, fine,” the young man said, rolling his eyes. “You were there with Cassandra the Great in Nihimlaq, yeah, but now we’re traveling to Sammos to see her?”
“Find her, if we can.” Lacus nodded. “She’s the reason the Bastard King didn’t take these lands.”
“Then why didn’t she do to him what she did to the Emperor?”
“Reckon she ain’t ever heard of ‘im,” Lacus said with a shrug. “Figured he was piss scared of the legend.”
“You believe the legend, then?”
Lacus leaned forward, then slapped the kid across the forehead.
“I. Was. There. I've seen what the Shadow of Sammos can do. You shut up, and I’ll tell you how I became part of the legend, and how I got this spear.” He pulled the weapon back around.
Quintus bristled.
“This belonged to Iuven, who I just told ya went on patrol with Maar but neither of them came back. So Anatu sent Nuut out to find’em. Only, Nuut wasn’t lookin’ for them when she went out into the sands. She was lookin’ for the Vultures.”
----------
WC: 945/1000
All crit/feedback welcome!
r/ZLErikson
[Chapter Index]
Notes:
-
Theme: The story of Casting Shadows is being told from a later time in the world
-
Bonus words: Pickled, peppers, patch(es)
-
Bonus constraint: Lacus shares an old Haranese tongue twister
-
Recommend any new readers use the linked chapter index above; those chapters receive more edits than the ones in past sersun posts
-
It has been 18,522 in-universe days since Chapter 1
-
The tongue twister translated from latin is “In a sea of delicious wine a mouse happened to die.”
-
“piperataria” was the latin word for black pepper
-
“Foetorem extremae latrinae” means you stink like a sewer
1
Aug 19 '26
Hi ZLErikson,
I'm Milk, a recent arrival to the community. I've been talking on the Discord server about participating in the SerSub, but while I figure out what I want to write about, I may as well take the time to read the work of my fellow community members :3
140 chapters! That's really impressive! I could never lol. It's actually a bit intimidating to comment on a work that's been in development for this long when I've only read one chapter. Anyways, I'll do my best!
First of all, you write super well. I mean—super well. I'm so jealous hahaha T-T
You're really good at writing dialogue. It feels so natural, especially the back-and-forth between Lacus and the younger soldiers. Lacus is definitely my favourite part of it—he has such a great personality, and I liked how his grumpy old-man attitude slowly gives way to the fact that he actually knows what he's talking about.
The worldbuilding also feels pretty effortless. I mean, after 140 chapters, I guess that's to be expected. There are a lot of names and bits of lore thrown around, but because they come up naturally in conversation, it doesn't feel like an info dump. Maybe if I had read the previous chapter I would have picked up on more of them (・.・;)
The whole story had a fairly light, almost humorous tone at first, and then “She was looking for the Vultures” made me want to know what happened next. I'd definitely read more. And I will, eventually. It's just a big endeavour!!
Anyway, this was really good!!
4
u/JKHmattox Aug 21 '26
Hey Zach, I enjoyed this scene thoroughly. Perhaps it is because I can identify with Lacus, being achient and all. Regardless, this is a very relatable and practical chapter which draws together a number of callbacks, both from your serial and from previously mentioned lore. This dynamic is polished and well done, displaying your steady improvements which grow ever stronger with every stoke of the keyboard.
I did find a typo, yah, I usually suck at this...
[Lacus sucked his teeth adn narrowed his eyes.]
Otherwise strong chapter as we continue on our two year adventure crammed into two weeks. Or is it two weeks spread over as many years. That notwithstanding, good words thanks for writing.
→ More replies (1)3
u/AGuyLikeThat Aug 22 '26
Hiya Zach!
Well, this is an intriguing little time-hop. Sounds like a few of our friends have been 'off-screened' (RIP Iuven) and Fariba must've gotten their tongue-twisted off! D:
I guess you might want to update the '13 days' note at the bottom there - interested to see how you handle things from here.
Homophone here;
But she was a might nervous about
Should be 'mite', which is not just a little beastie, but also a term meaning small or tiny.
Not really sure about this one;
“Patience for the young is a young man’s game, and it’s been a time since I’ve felt young.”
There's a line in a Bob Dylan song that goes 'passion is a young man's game', but I've never really heard patience as being attributed to the young? Young men especially have more of a reputation for rashness, I think?
Well, nits have been picked, and now I guess I've got to wait patiently for the rest of the tale.
Good words!
→ More replies (1)
4
u/JKHmattox Aug 17 '26
<No Man's Land>Petrichor
The morning's tension coiled into clouds rolling in from the west. Thickening air saturated me as looming perception threatened to shear through the day's humidity decisively. Raindrops finally spattered against our faces as we passed beneath the stone arc, patrolling in tandem lines towards Midtown Manhattan.
Dark spots collected on the asphalt beneath our feet. The blackened dot grew together with every passing minute until the endless ribbon of gray was a glossed thoroughfare devoid of vehicles and pedestrians.
I welcomed the dampness soaking into my shoulders. Grabbing the straps of my rucksack, I leaned in, shifting my center of gravity to match my stride. The scent of oils and dirt released by the midsummer shower filled me with nostalgia from a time long before I'd cross the stars.
Migrating pedestrians flanked our twin columns on either side of the avenue closed to vehicular traffic. They hustled past one another on the sidewalks, their daily lives barely interrupted by the subtle pomp and circumstance of our march northward. Nevertheless, casual spectators paused to observe our advance with momentary curiosity.
You know, Jackie, I was wondering… Elsa blurted, interrupting my aimless train of thought. What are you and Skye gonna name the twins?
Cinching my pack, I grunted, ignoring my fellow traveler and her innocent musings.
Seriously, Elsa insisted. It's kinda important…
I'm sure Skye will think of something.
I peered over my shoulder, checking on the dispersed line of women strung out behind me for two blocks. Countless faces struggling against the increasing rain, their uniforms drenched halfway down their chests. I smirked, the hardship trivial compared to anything I'd experienced on Nowhere.
What makes you think I should have a say in the matter?
I glanced towards Martia who was leading the column of women parallel to my own. She ignored the water dripping off her face as she tugged against the straps of her ruck. The Lance Corporal was naturally embracing the suck, same as me.
Despite my appearance, Elsa, I don't know the first damn thing about raising a Gemini, let alone two of them—who the hell am I when it comes to that kinda stuff?
Their mother… My fellow traveler answered without pause.
I nodded, gritting my teeth as warm droplets ran down my face in meandering rivulets. Am I?
Elsa snickered in my mind. Um, that's kinda how this works.
I suppose, technically, you're right, but c'mon, Elsa, this ain't exactly a natural thing for me—I don't think I'm ready.
You're serious? she scoffed. Nobody is ever truly ready for this, Jackie—you and Skye will figure it out.
Yeah, well I'm kinda tired of figuring shit out—this wasn't supposed to happen, Elsa! If I'd known it could, I'd have-
I closed my eyes, forcing the flash of regent deep into my stomach. Elsa remained silent as if I'd insulted her personally. The notion I doubted my choice hung heavy in my chest as my mind tilted with realization.
Finally, Elsa spoke directly into my soul. *But it did happen, Jackie—and you're gonna have to be okay with that if you're gonna go through with this...”
I hesitated, my feet planting themselves on the saturated pavement.
The woman behind me wavered, stumbling to avoid colliding with my backside. I motioned for her to go around me as I turned to face the rear of the column. Stepping to the center of the street, I watched as one after the other, the soldiers passed me by, their faces lost in the misery of the continuing downpour.
*Elsa, I'm afraid I'm gonna fuck things up.”
You will… But you wouldn't be the first to make mistakes, nor will you be the last—giving up, though, isn't a part of your vocabulary, Jackie—and that's how I know you'll be great at this…
I flashed an unsteady grin, hoping Elsa was right.
Turning about, I stood silently as the parallel lines of women moved steadily forward to either side of me. Taking a breath, I glanced upwards, studying the singular concrete facade which spanned an entire city black. At its center, molded Greek columns flanked a massive window reaching five stories into the air. Twin eagles were carved atop the molded pedestals, the darkness of grime and age creeping from their perches towards the ground.
A stone-faced tower sprouted from the roof of the sprawling building, reaching skyward with unapologetic grandeur. Halfway up, a giant gash torn conspicuously by a plasma shell scared the unconcerned structure. Retrofitted glass encasements encapsulated the centuries-old battle damaged wrought against the unmovable spire.
Returning my gaze to street-level, I stepped forward, leaving my doubts someplace south of thirty-fourth street.
On we went, block-by-block, until finally the rain tapered to a whisper. In the heart of Midtown, an emerald gateway loomed just a few streets away. A metallic twang interjected itself into my consciousness, interrupting my reflection upon Elsa's wisdom. A second clang followed the first, emanating from the front of the parade of soldiers.
Crossing over fifty-sixth street, I spied the source of the repetitious thwacking.
An ornamental clock rose from the sidewalk on a steel post anchored to the eastern curb of the avenue. As each soldier on that side of the column passed the clock, she intentionally struck the steel post with the butt of the weapon slung over her shoulder. The resulting blow emitted an intentionally disrespectful decree.
Many of the soldiers spat on the ground beneath the ornamental timepiece, an act that garnered hoots and cheers from onlookers. The women persisted unabated, each discerning strike as resolute as the last.
The ruins behind the clock had been covered in scaffolding. A hard-lid guarded the sidewalk from construction high above, the doors to the abandoned tower blocked off from the street. I peered through the green contractor mess masking the tower's lobby. Several letters clung to its outer walls, the shadow of their brethren lost to time and erosion.
M-P T-O I mouthed silently. What the fuck do you think that means, Elsa?
3
u/AGuyLikeThat Aug 22 '26
Hiya JK
Really like the opening descriptions of the weather and how they suit the introspective and emotional discussion.
Cool method of hitting the theme too. The idea of choosing what potential name someone will bear is an important bit of 'prose' indeed!
Crit.
While it conjures a nice scene, I'd maybe cut this little detail;
The blackened dot grew together with every passing minute until the endless ribbon of gray was a glossed thoroughfare devoid of vehicles
and pedestrians.because you describe Jackie passing pedestrians almost directly after;
Migrating pedestrians flanked our twin columns on either side of the avenue closed to vehicular traffic.
Sure, it might be further along the street, but it was just a bit of whiplash, imo.
A fave typo for me too, this one. Fix your italics tags, here;
Finally, Elsa spoke directly into my soul. *But it did happen, Jackie—and you're gonna have to be okay with that if you're gonna go through with this...”
and here;
*Elsa, I'm afraid I'm gonna fuck things up.”
Typo here. 'black' for 'block';
studying the singular concrete facade which spanned an entire city black.
Last thing I'd mention is I noticed a few adverbs that I don't think have to be there, but its a matter of opinion if you do want to use them. I'd just say in general, when you use word that ends in 'ly', think about whether you really need it or not.
Great chapter overall - the march through the city and the descriptions gave this a nice cinematic feel!
Good words!
5
u/Carrieka23 Aug 18 '26
<The Beginning of The Demon Life>
Chapter 187
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A couple of days later, demons begin repairing the kingdom bit by bit. Jack and Millee still kept their entertainment going outside, mainly for stress-free. Meanwhile, the judges all come together to stack a plan. As for Max, or Dilong, he decided to reveal his identity to the public. Some were shocked, others were a bit outraged before decicing to move on.
But what really threw people in a loop was Naomi retiring from being King, and announcing Max as the new King of Greed.
“A dragon becoming king?!”
“Well, they were born before us, so why does it matter?”
“Feels weird, but fuck it, I got bigger shit on my plate.”
Deep down, everyone knows in terms of politics, hell is about to happen. But at least for this kingdom, they are glad that they have a new leader, and that’s enough.
As for Alex and Kevin, they mainly volunteer in helping also. Alex couldn’t remember much of what happened in the spiritual realm, but since then he notices Kevin being a bit distant. He tries to ignore the tugging in his chest.
But this day, it was too much. So he decided to go for a walk when he noticed Max laying down in the grass, the vines wrapping around him.
Is this how dragons relax?
One by one, plants and grass surround him, filling up the once empty void with nature.
What the?!
“You seem to be in shock.” Max says, getting up. “It’s all part of our powers.” He waves his arms
“W-Wait, was that a joke?” Alex snickers.
“Haru told me I should start doing that more often.”
The soldier clears his throat before continuing. “So, how does it feel knowing that everyone knows?”
He shrugs. “To be honest, it was bound to happen. Especially after the incident in Lust. What I can say though, is that I’m not looking forward to my conversation with Wrath.”
Alex lifts up an eyebrow in confusion.
“You know they've been denying our existence for a very long time, so I cannot wait to see what they say about this.”
That is true. Pride, Wrath, and Gluttony all deny it. But why?
“But anyway, that’s something for me to handle.”
“And Wyle?” Alex asks.
“I decided to let him go. Even though what he did was irrational and inappropriate, people do chase for answers and maybe even a bit of hope and revenge. Especially when forced to kill the people you love.”
Even though Alex couldn’t quite agree with Max's viewpoint, he can understand why.
“Oh, and I found one of the Demon Kings' puppets.”
Frank?!
“For some reason, he was unconscious. Burn marks all over his chest, almost like he consumed all that fire. Currently, I’m investigating it on my own.”
Seems like Max has a lot on his plate. Wait, I’m talking to a God right now, so I can ask him about many things. But what?
Max looks at the soldier. “You have a lot on your mind, and I guess you want to know more about my history. I, umm..can’t tell you right now.”
“Huh, why?”
“Mainly because I handle business with Haru, so I have to keep things brief. But I can answer at least one or two of your questions.”
Alex nods, trying to think of one. “Well, my next adventure is Envy. Is there anything I should know in advance?”
He nods. “Envy is technically the beginning of all Seven Sins. The land that really started it all, and my birthhome. Zet is currently in charge, so he knows all of history besides me.”
Wait, does that mean…
“I know what you are thinking, and many think the same. But no, Zet isn’t the first demon from Hell. But, he was the first to dare challenge all four dragons for power.”
The soldier's eyes widened. “Wait, why?”
“For the change of humanity. Franky, I still never understand that myself. And this was way before the other kingdoms were even established.”
“Has Zet seen the raise and fall of Gods before?”
Max shakes his head. “Those happen way before he was even born here. But, he was born right after the fall, so he has at least some experience of changes.”
I see, so Zet and Max are the best people to ask about the history of Hell.
“I can answer one more question, if you like.”
Alex nods. He knows it’s a bit of a stretch, especially since he’s not sure if this God has ever felt this way before. But, he knows throughout his entire journey with Kevin, his heart tugs. He is always thinking about him, always wanting to protect him. And now, after the fight, it only grew.
“How…how do you tell someone that you love them?”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WPC: 799
8
u/AmeliaLP Aug 19 '26
<My feathery friend>
Chapter 34: I needed you
Jade. Where are you?
The shimmering sunlight shone over Joe, bathing him in a luminous orange glow.
She said she’d be back tomorrow, that was at least two days ago. Would Jade really break a promise?
Joe glanced longingly at a dusty photograph of her.
No. Of course she wouldn’t. I can trust her.
A delicate wisp of wind drifted through the air, catching the stem of a bright pink flower. It danced in the wind, twisting and turning, before landing upon Jade’s bedroom window.
Hmm, then again my instincts of who to trust haven’t always been good. Can I really be so certain Jade isn’t like Astrellar?
Joe eyed the sun as it continued rising majestically.
Maybe I should compare them, to see if there’s any similarities... Astrellar bullied me. Even if she claims she didn’t, she certainly did. Jade. Well she gets bullied, a lot. It makes me really mad! Gosh, I want to attack Sasha so badly. I wonder if Jade will take me back to school again?
Joe rolled over onto his side.
Wait, what was I meant to be thinking about? Darn it! Why did I start rambling, I always lose my train of thought when I do that.
“Jaaaaaaade!” Jade’s mum wailed hysterically.
“What the bloody hell are you yelling for?” Harold inquired.
“Harold! I’m trying to find our daughter, not that you seem to care!”
“Hey! I do care. But we’ve already searched the house.”
“SHE MIGHT HAVE COME BACK!”
“Whatever...”
Joe held a loose feather in his beak, fiddling with it nervously.
How did those two even end up together? All they seem do is fight, doubly so since Jade left. Jade. I remember what I was thinking about now! Right, yes. She did help that out poor boy when he got bullied. And she’s always defending me when her father starts ranting. Yes, her and Astrellar couldn’t be more different in this sense. Astrellar was very dismissive of feelings. It was always about her but if I dared to have any problems she didn’t care. I’ve also had to talk things through with Jade, however those are almost always a two way conversation. I really do love actually being heard for once. She does seem to care about me.
Joe peered sorrowfully at his broken wing.
And yet, she hasn’t fixed this.
His attention returned to the picture of Jade.
No, she’d never ignore me on purpose.
Joe trembled slightly.
But, if she intended to help me... Something must’ve gone wrong.
Bonk!
“What the-“
Joe saw Olfara plastered upon the widow, slowly sliding down it.
“Olfara, what are you doing here?”
“Joe!” Olfara panted. “Open this thing and I’ll tell ya.”
“Hmm. I don’t know. Maybe a bully like you deserves to fall.”
“What?! Joe please! Let me in!”
“Ehh, I’m not sure.”
“What would Jade want?!”
“Wha- You know Jade?”
“Yes, that’s right! Now lemme in!”
Joe jolted his head rapidly upwards, using his beak to open the window.
“Thanks.” gasped Olfara.
“Talk.” Joe replied.
“Ye, sure thing. So umm, Jade was at the kingdom. She’s been framed for murder and is trapped in the birdcage with Vornith.”
Joe froze. His eyes expanded rapidly as he started making a weird high pitched whining sound.
St-top. I’m just a baby. Please don’t hurt me.
“Joe, are you alright?”
“NO I’M NOT ALRIGHT! How could you and Astrellar treat me so badly even though you knew about my trauma?”
“Joe I-“
“How can you say that things name so casually to me?!”
“J-“
“Why inform me Jade’s with him? Are you just trying to make me suffer?!”
Olfara put a wing around Joe. “I’m here to help.”
“I don’t trust you.”
“I know Joe and I don’t expect you to. But you clearly need me right now, so I’m here.”
“I needed you for years!” Tears well in Joe’s eyes.
“I-I’m sorry.”
“No amount of being sorry will make us okay!” Joe spat.
Olfara frowned. “Fair enough. I’m still sticking by you though. Shall we start making a plan to save Jade?”
“Yes, let’s get my REAL friend back.”
Olfara turned away from Joe. Facing the wall, he too let loose some tears. “Yah, let’s go get your friend.”
WC: 710
2
u/AGuyLikeThat Aug 23 '26
Hi Blub!
Great chapter. Really like the way you mix some pathos into the humour this week as Joe starts to worry, and things get quite affecting when he starts talking to Olfara about the issues between them.
Nice descriptions too, this one really sets the scene up nicely, I thought;
The shimmering sunlight shone over Joe, bathing him in a luminous orange glow.
Anyway, I read and enjoyed this earlier and didn't notice much typos and such - it reads very smoothly, imo - but yeah, I did think about how much progress you've made since chapter one, with formatting and everything. Amazeballs!
Good words!
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u/FyeNite Aug 16 '26
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