r/shortstories • u/OldBayJ Mod | r/ItsMeBay • May 15 '23
Micro Monday [OT] Micro Monday: Enchanted Forest!
Welcome to Micro Monday
Hello writers and welcome to Micro Monday! It’s time to sharpen those micro-fic skills. What is micro-fic, you ask? Micro-fiction is generally defined as a complete story (hook, plot, conflict, and some type of resolution) written in 300 words or less. For this exercise, it needs to be at least 100 words (no poetry).
However, less words doesn’t mean less of a story. The key to micro-fic is to make careful word and phrase choices so that you can paint a vivid picture for your reader. Less words means each word does more!
Each week, I provide a simple constraint or jumping-off point to get your minds working. This rotates between simple prompts, sentences, images, songs, and themes. You’re free to interpret the weekly constraints how you like as long as you follow the post and subreddit rules. Please read the entire post before submitting.
This week’s challenge:
Image Prompt: Enchanted Forest
Bonus Constraint: Story uses dramatic irony (please include how you used it at the end of your story.)
This week’s challenge is to write a story based on the image prompt linked above. You may use any part of the image you like as long as the connection is clear and you follow all post and subreddit rules. The bonus constraint is not required.
Note: Don’t forget to vote for your favorites next Monday! (The form usually opens at about 11:30am EST Monday.) You get points just for voting.
You can check out previous Micro Mondays here.
How To Participate
Submit a story between 100-300 words in the comments below. You have until Sunday at 11:59pm EST. (No poetry.)
Use wordcounter.net to check your word count. The title is not counted in your final word count. Stories under 100 words or over 300 will be disqualified from campfire readings and rankings.
No pre-written content allowed. Submitted stories should be written for this post, exclusively. Micro serials are acceptable, but please keep in mind that each installment should be able to stand on its own and be understood without leaning on previous installments.
Come back throughout the week, read the other stories, and leave them some feedback on the thread. You have until 2pm EST Monday to get your feedback in. Only actionable feedback will be awarded points. See the ranking scale below for a breakdown on points.
Please follow all subreddit rules and be respectful and civil in all feedback and discussion. We welcome writers of all skill levels and experience here; we’re all here to improve and sharpen our skills. You can find a list of all sub rules here.
Nominate your favorite stories at the end of the week using this form. You have until 2pm EST next Monday to submit nominations. (Please note: The form does not open until Monday morning, after the story submission deadline.)
And most of all, be creative and have fun! If you have any questions, feel free to ask them on the stickied comment on this thread or through modmail.
Campfire
- On Mondays at 12pm EST, I host a Campfire on our Discord server. We read all the stories from the weekly thread and provide live feedback for those who are present. Come join us to read your own story and listen to the others! You can come to just listen, if that’s more your speed. Everyone is welcome!
How Rankings are Tallied
We have a new point system!
| TASK | POINTS | ADDITIONAL NOTES |
|---|---|---|
| Use of the Main Prompt/Constraint | up to 50 pts | Requirements always provided with the weekly challenge |
| Use of Bonus Constraint | 10 pts | (unless otherwise noted) |
| Actionable Feedback | up to 15 pts each (5 crit max) | You’re always welcome to provide more crit, but points are capped at 75 |
| Nominations your story receives | 20 pts each | No cap |
| Bay’s Nominations | 20 - 50 pts | First- 50 pts, Second- 40 pts, Third- 30 pts, plus regular noms |
| Voting for others | 10 pts | Don’t forget to vote before 2pm EST every week! |
Users who go above and beyond with feedback (more than 2 in-depth, actionable crits) will be awarded Crit Credits that can be used on r/WPCritique. Note: Interacting with a story is not the same as feedback.
Rankings for Last Week
- First place - u/ZachTheLitchKing
- Second place - u/AGuyLikeThat
- Third place - u/wileycourage
- Crit Star: u/ZachTheLitchKing
Subreddit News
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May 16 '23 edited May 23 '23
Julius
Soft grass tickles my legs as I wander through the enchanting forest. The poisonous mushrooms seem to be humming as my gaze drags over the breathtaking scene.
My face scrunches up; the remnants of the mushroom antidote are more bitter than usual.
A singing bird faintly graces my ears. The entire forest seems to be glowing in brilliant shades of blueish green.
I breathe a deep sigh, soaking in the crisp air and autumn breeze.
Today was a good day.
Kieran
The apothecary doors swing open as I push through. Holding the replenished antidote bottle in my clenched hands, my steps slow as I reach the potion counter.
I stop in my tracks when my eyes find the bottle of paint water I was using as a placeholder.
It was empty.
“No-no-no-no-no-no-no” was all I could think in my panic.
Oh god I’m so stupid.
You couldn’t be selfless for one second, Kieran, you just had to have those delicious enchanted forest mushrooms and steal the rest of the antidote.
A quick prayer leaves my lips as I replace the bottle and walk away.
Julius
The air seemed to be sparkling around my body that was squatting next to a splotch of soft red mushrooms.
Anticipating the mouthwatering taste of the mushrooms, I drink some water in an attempt to get the lingering acrid taste out of my mouth.
Never mind that I was about to be blasted into flavor-town.
Picking one up I delicately sniffed it before placing it in my mouth. My eyes close as I savor the way the juices flow over my tongue.
Mmmmmm, today was a really good day.
Wc:291
The dramatic irony is that we know that Julius is gonna die and the reason the antidote was bitter was because it was paint water. He obviously doesn’t know that and eats a mushroom anyway.
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u/reddeetin May 16 '23
Loved your story about the carefree Julius and the clumsy Kieran. Great use of dramatic irony providing suspense. Although it's Julius' last mushroom, it seems it's not his first either. He got suspicious and was so close to figure something was wrong.
For crit, mostly minor adjustments:
Soft grass tickles my legs as I wander through the enchanting forest.
Enchanting forest is not really appropriate here. Probably a typo, as I noticed you did write enchanted forest in Kieran's part. Both have slightly different meanings. In short, Enchanted forest usually refers to forest associated with fairy tales, folklore and fantasy. Enchanting forest often describes a forest that is aesthetically appealing, charming and captivating.
Today was good day.
Mmmmmm, Today was a really good day.I love this bookend, however, we only say today was a good day if talking about the past or a day that has already concluded. In this instance, I'd say changing "was" to "is" is better.
Thanks for writing, good words!
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May 16 '23
Thank you I did mean to write enchanting but I see how it could be confusing. I will fix that right up 👍
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u/AGuyLikeThat May 17 '23
Hi firefighter. Interesting story, juxtaposing two first person PoV's. The resolution works nicely, and I feel like you capture Julius' personality very well in some of the later sentences.
Unfortunately, the structure felt a bit wonky to me. I feel like Kieran's part should come first in order to make the suspense phase work, and maybe it needs a bit more work on setting up the situation.
In general, be careful with telling instead of showing.
I can hear a faint bird call and notice how the entire forest seems to be glowing, so green it was almost blue.
This is probably the most egregious example. Aim for something like:
A faint bird call rings out. The entire forest seems to glow in brilliant shades of bluish green.
Thanks for the fun story!
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May 17 '23
Thank you so much for the crit. I’ve been told that before on some of my previous works and I guess I haven’t been doing so good at fixing it. What would your suggestions be on fixing the format? I didn’t really like the way that the second paragraph happened before the first one but didn’t really know how to fix it. I feel like if I just moved them around the chapteresque feel would be lost and I like the sandwich format that I had with both ending in the good day statement
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u/pathetic_optimist May 21 '23
Interesting structure and lovely descriptions. I was a bit confused though until I read the explanation. You could maybe have hinted in a title?
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May 22 '23
Thank you! What were you confused about? I could clarify it better if I knew.
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u/reddeetin May 16 '23
Adventuring with Alfredo
Through the translucent tent, a ray of gentle sunlight woke Alfredo. He slowly opened his eyes and was greeted by the wonderful singing of the birds.
Craving for a morning snack, he wandered around under the shades of trees and found some mushrooms. It was brown and not appealing. Alfred recalled a survival hack: Do not eat anything colourful unless you know what it is. He immediately plucked them and ate it, well, it really isn't colourful at all.
It was brown magic mushrooms.
Anyways, after about 20 minutes, Alfredo began to hallucinate. Vibrant colours. Changing shapes. Magnified objects. Enhanced visuals. All flooded his mind.
He tripped and tumbled to the ground. He heard laughter, like the trees were laughing at him. He looked to the trees, indeed, they were giggling. Alfredo was not scared at all, instead, he was relaxed and calm.
The birds sang once more. This time, Alfredo understood them. He started to dance gracefully, to the soothing melodies. Without realizing, he was surrounded. Not by danger, but by groove partners.
Little pixies performed mid-air ballet, following the elegant waving of a fairy’s magical wand. Elves turned their bows into harps and harmonized with the sorcerer’s flute. Fishes bounced up and down, doing the “Worm”. Speaking about worms, the worms in the apples juggling by a witch were wiggling non-stop. Even the trees started the hula dance, shaking their leaves. Meanwhile, the drawfs and gnomes were getting chased by the trolls until they bumped into a unicorn and a centaur doing the Irish Jig dance.
It was eventually day 10. Alfredo finally survived his outdoor camping.
10 months later, Alfredo’s Adventures was published.
Chapter One: The Enchanted Forest
Turns out Disney was right. Magical forest and creatures are real. Excessive sing and dance too…
WC: 299
Dramatic Irony is us knowing that everything Alfredo hallucinates is not real, and we’re just adventuring with him. Hence, the title. Alfredo does not knows it and even went on to write a story about it.
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u/ZachTheLitchKing May 16 '23
Hiya Reddeetin!
This was a funny and charming little story! I absolutely loved your vivid descriptions of Alfredo's hallucinations. I think you could have done yourself a fun double-entente by changing the title to "Alfredo's Trip" :P
My only crit is a few examples of plural vs singular
found some mushrooms. It was brown and not appealing.
He immediately plucked them and ate it, well, it really isn't colourful at all.
Slight typo: Since the mushrooms are plural, the "It was" should be "They were". Same with "ate it" and "it really isn't" being "ate them" and "they really weren't". I think there should be a "since" in there also: "He immediately plucked and ate them since, well, they really weren't colourful at all.
It was brown magic mushrooms.
Another plural/singular issue. I laughed so loud when I read this part! Alfredo is in for a trip now!
Once again, this was delightful! I love your descriptive writing <3 Good words!
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u/reddeetin May 17 '23
Wow I like the new title suggestion! Functions well and sounds fun also. Will definitely need more work on mushrooms plural though hahahaha. Thanks
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u/AGuyLikeThat May 17 '23
Great story. The shenanigans were a lot of fun with the gnomes and whatnot.
I think your grammar needs a bit of work in general. I'd advise you spend a bit more time in the editing phase. There is a fair bit of passive voice early on, issues with tense and some inconsistent perspective.
I can really recommend reading your own work out loud, that helped me a lot.
Good words!
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u/reddeetin May 17 '23
Sure, will spend more time proofreading and try reading out loud next time. Thanks for the tip!
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u/ZachTheLitchKing May 16 '23 edited May 17 '23
<Fantasy>
The Forest After Dark
Berea's grandmother, known for her eccentricity, always warned others not to enter the forest at night, that those who did never returned. One evening Berea's brother was grievously wounded, and the medicinal plants he needed would only grow in the forest. She argued with her family for hours before leaving to find them, ignoring their protests and her grandmother's pleading. She was adamant that now was not the time for superstition.
The familiar wood seemed to change as the sunset. Plants glowed with wonderous colors and the further she walked the more magnificent things became. Familiar trees of brown and green were replaced with silver glows and crystalline leaves. This all distracted her from the trail fading beneath and trees and vines moving behind, changing where she had come from.
"And who are you?" a voice spoke from above. A strange man with pointed features looked down at her; a trickster spirit hiding his true form.
"Pardon, I am Berea," she introduced herself, "I was just admiring this beautiful tree."
"It is lovely, is it not?"
"Would that I could bask in its glow forever."
"Forever is a long time," the man said, leaping from the tree and floating down, "You may bask until the forest sees a sunrise," he grinned, knowing that would never happen in this forest.
"I can? But...I must return to my brother with these herbs."
"I can deliver those in your place," he offered, holding out his hand. She quickly gave him the herbs and spent many hours enjoying the forest before noticing that the night seemed to be lasting longer than expected.
Many years later, a young man prepared to go on his first hunt in the forest. He was warned by his family to return before dark.
"Remember what happened to your sister."
----------------
WC: 300/300
All crit/feedback welcome!
r/TomesOfTheLitchKing
Notes:
-
Dramatic Irony: The warning that entering the forest after dark would never let you return
-
I am not happy with this since I am not at all confident in my ability to convey dramatic irony in such a short span of words. Any and all feedback around why this is not dramatic irony and how I can make it so will be MUCH appreciated <3 I feel this will be a good learning experience. -
Thanks to Reddeetin and AGuyLikeThat I am feeling more confident in this story!
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u/AGuyLikeThat May 17 '23 edited May 17 '23
The Curse [FN]
Princess Valeen placed the final jewel in the arcanogram and lifted her gaze back to her friend.
“If my father will not relent with these ridiculous suitors, I am left with no choice.”
Blinding light burst from the mosaic and reality dissolved around them.
—
Rugrito slashed his way deeper into the towering thicket of thorns.
“Just a little more. We’re going to do it this time!” He turned to help his faithful servants in clearing the branches he’d already felled.
“It’s growing back much slower,” exclaimed Seneschal Fulton. “I suspect your Sainted blade is suppressing the witchcraft somehow.”
“Whatever the reason, we must get through today. The castle has been isolated for weeks, they are surely running out of food.”
They exited the rough-hewn tunnel to find themselves in an enchanted forest. A maze of pathways through glowing gold mists and beguiling blooms.
One by one, the prince’s retainers lay down to rest and were left, forgotten.
Rugrito closed his eyes and let his heart guide him.
Only he and Fulton reached the castle. Ferocious wolves howled and slavered beyond the gate.
“Smite them sire,” urged the steward.
“But they are just hungry.”
The prince threw his supplies over the gate and the dogs yapped contentedly as they devoured the food.
Inside the Great Hall, they found a Princess laid out in funerary splendour.
“She merely sleeps, milord,” said Fulton. “You must wake her with a kiss!”
“How gauche,” Rugrito sneered. “I will not assault a sleeping woman!”
—
A slow clap echoed through the hall. A woman in black stood on the royal dais.
“The witch!” cried Fulton.
“You have passed all my tests,” said the real Princess Valeen. “You may court me.”
“Uh, I’m just here to break the curse,” replied Rugrito. “I’m not really into girls.”
WC-300
At the outset, I introduce the fact that the curse is the Princess's doing. Rugrito doesn't know this.
I show Rugrito making his way past some obstacles that act as tests of character during the period of suspense - hinting that the prince is doing the right thing despite his ignorance.
The Princess reveals that to be the case during the resolution.
However, subverting fairy tale tropes by introducing feminine agency is something of a trope itself, and so I reveal the undisclosed fact of Rugrito's sexuality for a bonus round of situational irony.
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u/pathetic_optimist May 21 '23
A great fairy tale with a comic ending. The bathos at the end is possibly undermining the story, but since you are making a final ironic point about stereotypes I suppose it is worth it. I wonder if the first paragraph is needed?
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u/OneSidedDice May 17 '23
Danceland
Swipin’ and typin’, been my futile love language since I can remember. Some back-and-forth and she’d message me: “Come to Sully’s for karaoke.” But I don’t see her there – I sing on my own and drink on my own and go home just ready to die.
Or I buy her five Cosmos, she says a friend needs her and goes, then ghosts me. Or… well, you get the idea.
So this one, Sherry with the wavy blonde hair, says, “Let’s get together at Mullin’s Danceland on the county line.” Looked it up. Perfect if you like shiny disco balls, country music covers, line dancing and cheap beer. At least they got cheap beer, so I went.
I expected the worst – “Don’t mind my ankle monitor, just means I can’t leave North Carolina. That’s why this is perfect!” Pulled up just before dark to find the place boarded up, only thing glittering was busted bottles in the gravel lot. I felt so low and stupid. Decided to upend my little flask of Jim Beam, listen to the summer birds and bugs for a while, then head back.
Then I saw her, silhouetted in the trees at the edge of the lot. “Come closer,” she called, and damned if I didn’t. Got down and ran through the tall weeds to the woods. Sun was down but she was in there, somewhere. Heard her calling my name, followed my eyes best I could.
Heard her footsteps far down the path and ran after her. Ran and ran through woods that seemed to have a glow all their own, past every path that might lead back to the lot. Just silence and trees and me all alone. She was never there. I was hungry. There were mushrooms. Maybe they could take me to her.
(WC 300)
Dramatic irony: the protagonist knows he’s following the same pattern again and again, but can’t break free and doubles down at the end, unwilling to examine himself and take a different path.
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u/Vast-Manufacturer-96 May 17 '23
[FN] Harvester
"Careful," Denia murmured. "They wrap themselves around anything too loud."
Soen turned his head. The thorn vines hung right next to him, too close to risk even a wrong move. The blood-red thorns seemed to glisten in the midday sun. "Where to now?" he whispered. He barely dared to breathe. "Four steps forward. Then two to the left," Denia muttered out of the corner of her mouth. The willowy woman bent her knees slightly and, without so much as a sound, stepped over the deadwood. Soen breathed shallowly. Slowly, he tried to imitate her steps, but he still caused a soft cracking sound.
Soen closed his eyes. He imagined the vines wrapping mercilessly around his legs, the finger-length thorns deep in his flesh....
"Come," Denia snapped him out of his stupor in a whisper. "We must go on."
Breathless, Soen stalked to her. Behind their backs, the vines slowly wound up.
"The tree is just in the next clearing," Denia instructed her apprentice. "Cut only the lowest fruits. None of the red ones. Otherwise the pointies will pierce us before we're a quarter of the way back."
They worked quickly and precisely. Harvested two dozen of the yellowish-shimmering, almost head-sized fruits. Which were worth the reward of two months of hard field work.
"Enough," Denia muttered. The woman had spoken only in whispers since the edge of the forest. "Let’s get out of here."
A stone's throw from them, he hung in the upper branches of a spreading tree. One arrow was already at the string, one more in his bowhand. Shooting upside down was one of his favorite tricks at the annual Sun-festival.
Gently he moved his left foot, whereupon the vines let him down an inch further. The red thorns did not draw a single drop of blood.
WC: 300
The dramatic irony is, that the enchanted forest and its inhibitants were alerted of the intruders without them knowing.
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u/pathetic_optimist May 20 '23
Great new world. You sneakily left the irony part until the end.
Only suggestion is that the short sentences, though suggesting them hurrying in their harvesting, don't quite fit with the quiet carefulness they need to avoid the vines. Maybe that is because the tree is in a clearing?
Do you know the Ursula Le Guin story about a sentient forest world?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaster_than_Empires_and_More_Slow
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u/Vast-Manufacturer-96 May 20 '23
Correct. It's in a clearing and deeper in the forest, past it's primary defenses.
And nope, never heard of this particular story
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u/wileycourage May 18 '23 edited May 18 '23
"Ma'am! Can I get my wine?" Alice said firmly.
"There's no fucking way you're almost thirty. I'd guess you were no older than ten," the cashier said."
"I always get that. But I can assure you I'm of age. Hell, I've been married and divorced twice already. Besides it's marsala, for cooking, well, chicken marsala," Alice responded. "Can we get this done or what? I gotta get home."
In went her headphones for the walk home. Alice saw a line of trash leading into the woods along the road. She stopped to clean her environment, and was excited to tell others about what she had done.
Alice followed the trail to a brightly painted pink and white cottage, the door of which whisked open. She smelled cinnamon from within.
"You left your trash out here!" Alice yelled out. "Can you make sure to clean up after yourself next time?"
An old woman walking with a cane appeared at the door licking her lips. "Oh! Thank you sweetheart. Won't you come inside?" she asked happily.
"What's with the color palette? The HOA let's you get away with that?" Alice joked.
"Hm?"
"Nothing. Um. Sure. I bet it's lonely all the way out here. Are those snickerdoodles?"
"Yes, dessert before dinner, I always say. Tonight's meat will be sweet."
"Ah shit. I do need to get my own dinner going. I can stay for one, though."
"Do mind your language dear. Doesn't your mother tell you that? What do you have here?"
"Marsala."
"When did they start letting children buy wine?"
"This shit again," Alice sighed. "I'm 29." Before she could bite her cookie, her elder slapped it from her hand.
"Maggie!" The woman called out to someone else in the house. "Don't get your hopes up. She's a baby-face!"
---
I meant the irony to be that we know that Alice is older but looks like she's a child. Then there's the fact that we might have a suspicion that the old woman is out to eat children. Whether situational or dramatic, I'm less sure. I tried. I wish I had more words to use, but this was a great challenge.
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u/reddeetin May 18 '23
Hi, I like your usage of Alice's age providing the dramatic irony.
Towards the end, it feels anticlimactic to me as it just ends somewhat abruptly while having a premise of children eating old woman. I guess in this case, show will work better than tell. For example: Let the old woman take a bite on Alice's arm and find out the truth herself.
You could also confirm the suspicion of old woman that eats children early on so that the readers know what to expect and it will add more value to the suspense.
That's all I have for you, hope it helps. Nice story and great dialogues!
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u/wileycourage May 18 '23
Thanks for reading and for the feedback! The anticlimax is definitely related to running out of words. I'd need to restructure it, I think, but that's too hard right now. I'll have to look at it again later. But I did make some minors edits based on your feedback, so thank you again!
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u/pathetic_optimist May 20 '23
Great story. Good use of unexpected humour towards the end.
The cashier saying she looked 10 was maybe a bit of a stretch though. It made me a bit suspicious at the beginning.
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u/pathetic_optimist May 19 '23 edited May 20 '23
[FN] Turn your coat inside out -if you wish to live
We were laughing at the mortal’s blundering progress through our land. Hawthorn and Elder are my witness that we meant no harm, but May is the month of our wilding.
To run through the wood, pignut and yarrow, to sing to the birds, thrush and swallow, to lie in the grass, dew and spiderweb, is our pleasure. Oh, how can we hold back our power in the Spring?
Delicious is the new honey and the tender nettle tops. Nestlings and rabbit kits are so sweet and soft. Our white teeth are sharp for biting -and over us our Mother looks on.
She is robed in the lime green of new Beech, throned in red Aller, blood and stone, beneath the creamy Rowan tree. All that we do is right and all that we do is right and all that we do is right.
Every knee of us astride a ragwort stem we flew to the moon last night.
He is tiring now, mazed and breathless in a thicket bloody hemlock edged, and drinking from the Chiddenbrook. The water ripples slow around the dropwort and oozes quietly over the cress. And who knows the difference but us?
‘Drink and eat and drink and nibble,’ we whisper in the cotton grass. Your badsteel snares are known. Every one. Sleep now.
218
Dramatic irony is shown (I hope) by the observation by the Piskies of the rabbit poacher.
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u/Theshedroofs May 20 '23
Lumix IV - Lost Contact [SF]
The boughs twisted across his path, forcing Felix to stoop as his wristcom flashed an alert.
QUARANTINE AREA - FUNGAL SPORES ARE PSYCHOACTIVE.
Felix keyed the wristcom to project a topographic map, clearing the warning before the message scrolled into view. He reviewed his route from his crashed shuttle towards the research team’s location.
“At the valley that contains the team, no evidence of the ‘Enchanted Forest’ from the vague warnings.” Felix recorded for the mission log.
The trees continued to obstruct his path, pushing him to further trample the fungal undergrowth. A pale cloud of bioluminescent spores floating after him.
As Felix continued he started to hear the buzzing of wings and see distorted trails in the air, winding around the trees and zipping past him. The closest trails to him echoed with high pitched laughter as he tried to follow them with his eyes.
“You’re in the forest now silly.” A trail giggled as it shot by his ear. “You’ve been here for ages.”
“There are sapient beings, fairies? No notes in the mission documents about them.” Felix recorded as he continued towards the valley floor, trails dancing around him.
“We are the people of the Enchanted Forest.”
“Is there a camp of humans?” Felix asked.
“No camp, just you.” Different trails closing in each time.
Reaching the valley floor Felix pulled up his map, marking off everywhere with no evidence of the research team. An alert interrupted him.
QUARANTINE AREA - FUNGAL SPORES ARE PSYCHOACTIVE.
Felix looked at the distorted trails spinning around him. He keyed the mission log, “Disregard mention of sapient beings, local flora causing hallucinations. Preparing filtration, will resume search as effects pass.”
In orbit the Captain read the mission statement: Crashed shuttle, one pilot. Quarantined planet, no Union presence. Confirmed fairy populace. CAUTION.
300 Words
I give the reader knowledge of the psychoactive spores that the character misses. He later sees a warning and thinks he is hallucinating the fairies, however he has actually constructed the existence of a research team which is revealed by the mission statement for his rescue.
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u/pathetic_optimist May 20 '23
I like the science fiction meets fantasy vibe of this story.
The last paragraph is maybe a bit too explanatory, possibly due to keeping to 300 words. You could shorten the second to last paragraph and strengthen the last one.
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u/Theshedroofs May 21 '23
Thanks for the feedback, I feel it does need a bit of a rearrange to really deliver on what I want it to do.
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u/OldBayJ May 15 '23
Welcome to Micro Monday!
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